For You Darling

Darling, I love you dearly,
You’re my savior.
Without you I’d slip into
a hell-fire of self hatred,
But tonight Darling,
Could you do that thing you do?
Could you sit on my face till I turn blue?
And when that’s done
Piss in my mouth!
And then I’ll do that thing you like too
With my fist
and your arse.

Would you like that Darling?

**Needs revision, but I doubt I’ll do that, so here it is in all its mid-night glory.

ok

limpmale, you either praise, offer constructive criticism, or fuck off. “Ok” is nothing but a waste of both our time.

honestly

i admire the frankness of the human condition depicted in your poem

Yeh, that’s better. I can leave the house pleased with myself now.

I think maybe my ideas regarding the value of poetry are hopelessly old fashioned.

To be fair to your taste in poetry, what I’ve posted here, this formatted gibberish, is pretty shite.

I don’t like “But tonight Darling”? It implies, at least I think it does, a suspension of the opening lines, as if the latter portion must be compartmentalized and excused because it contradicts it.

I love it.

It reminds me of that poem where the husband eats the plums the wife left in the fridge, but less subtle and more light hearted.

The kind of poem that contains more things than it says.

That contradiction is the essence of it. The two different types of need…maybe, on the one hand, the need for love as acceptance, and on the other sexuality of that person who has given you that love. But, destructive sexuality…maybe not destructive per se but destructive of the very thing that required acceptance in the first place. Thanks for the feedback though.

Thanks. But it doesn’t stand up well when I re-read it now. Maybe I’ll revise it. I should. I don’t know how to write though :wink:.

Nothing human is vile, ugly or evil unless it harms another human.

All I know is that I have tried to write poems before (and failed miserably), and I realized that there is much more to it than getting ideas to rhyme together. There has to be a flow, a rhythm. Your poem has a flow and a rythm that not only work but contribute to the spirit of what you are saying.

Hey, we can’t all be prodigies, but thats a pretty cool poem.

I’ll be sure to read any re-writes.

What is the very thing that required acceptance in the first place, and how are those particular sexual acts destructive of it?

I would agree that harm is necessary condition for vileness and evilness, but, unless you are being poetic with your use of the word "ugly,"ugliness is broader category.

There are many harmless things that I would consider ugly.

Ugly is in the eye of the beholder.