Four aphorisms.

[Edit: Please note, in case you’re wondering wtf this is supposed to be about, this thread has been detached and removed from the original thread, leaving it without its OP. Thus, this post is not the OP, but was in fact my response to a quite different OP. Um. If you see what I mean.]

[size=85]814. Blending in the flour: Put the flour and a pinch of salt into a large mixing bowl and make a well in the centre. Crack the eggs into the middle, then pour in about 50ml milk and 1 tbsp oil. Start whisking from the centre, gradually drawing the flour into the eggs, milk and oil. Once all the flour is incorporated, beat until you have a smooth, thick paste. Add a little more milk if it is too stiff to beat.

  1. Finishing the batter: Add a good splash of milk and whisk to loosen the thick batter. While still whisking, pour in a steady stream of the remaining milk. Continue pouring and whisking until you have a batter that is the consistency of slightly thick single cream. Traditionally, people would say to now leave the batter for 30 mins, to allow the starch in the flour to swell, but there’s no need.

  2. Getting the right thickness: Heat the pan over a moderate heat, then wipe it with oiled kitchen paper. Ladle some batter into the pan, tilting the pan to move the mixture around for a thin and even layer. Quickly pour any excess batter into a jug, return the pan to the heat, then leave to cook, undisturbed, for about 30 secs. Pour the excess batter from the jug back into the mixing bowl. If the pan is the right temperature, the pancake should turn golden underneath after about 30 secs and will be ready to turn.

  3. Flipping pancakes: Hold the pan handle, ease a fish slice under the pancake, then quickly lift and flip it over. Make sure the pancake is lying flat against base of the pan with no folds, then cook for another 30 secs before turning out onto a warm plate. Continue with the rest of the batter, serving them as you cook or stack onto a plate. You can freeze the pancakes for 1 month, wrapped in cling film or make them up to a day ahead.[/size]

The fact of the matter is there is no greater writer of aphorisms than me, you could not do in a lifetime what I could do in one day-- namely, produce an original insight, much less a profound one, and you are simply a moron who delights in cluttering my threads up.

Maybe. Maybe not.


I show, not boast. Claiming to have mastered, over a decade of constant work, an art form seldom even practiced is hardly boasting, especially when I am knowledgeable about all of its practitioners and its history.

But go ahead, while you are reading me recipes for pancakes indulge me in some more inane psycho-babel.

Judging from the quote in your signature, you couldn’t tell the difference between good literature and a recipe for apple pie anyways.

[size=85]731. Preheat the oven to 200C/400F/Gas 6.

  1. Sieve the flour and salt into a bowl.

  2. Rub in the margarine or butter until the mixture resembles fine breadcrumbs.

  3. Add the cold water to the flour mixture. Using a knife, mix the water into the flour, using your hand to firm up the mixture. The pastry should be of an even colour and suitable consistency for rolling.

  4. Divide the pastry into two halves. Take one half and roll it out so that it is big enough to cover an 20cm/8in enamel or aluminium plate. Trim the edges with a knife using the edge of the plate as your guide.

  5. Cover the pastry with the stewed apples and sprinkle with sugar to taste.

  6. Roll out the other half of the pastry. Moisten the edge of the bottom layer of pastry and place the second piece on top.

  7. Press down on the pastry edges, making sure that they are properly sealed. Trim off any excess pastry with a knife in a downward motion, again using the plate as your guide.

  8. Flute the edges with a pinching action using your fingers and thumb.

  9. Prick the surface of the pastry lightly before placing the pie in the oven. Cook for 20-30 minutes.

  10. When the pie is cooked it should move slightly on the plate when gently shaken.

  11. Slide on to a serving plate, dust with caster sugar and serve.[/size]

You are going to be booted out of my thread and your posts will be deleted, just like what happened to Anthem. But by all means, you have no criticism of my writing, you have no counter-point to my claim, so feel free to indulge yourself.

Hint: My posts are criticisms of your writing, and counter-points to your claims.

Hint: My post here is calling you a jackoff.

You are going to be booted out of your thread and your posts will be deleted, just like what happened to Anthem. But by all means, you have no criticism of my posting about your writing, you have no counter-point to my counter-points to your claims, so feel free to indulge yourself.

Yeah, I am going to go lay down. Been up all night. You can keep jerking yourself off in my thread though, if you want.

Okay, settle down, boys.

English or American Pancakes?

Quick international guide to pancakes:

In America - ‘pancakes’ are thick and stodgy, much like larger versions of ‘scotch pancakes’ in England.

In England, ‘pancakes’ are thin versions. They are the same basic recipe, but without the rasing agent. Aericans call these ‘crepes’. A ‘crepe’ is usually considered to mean the french version of the dish, which tend to be very large (over 50cm) and very very thin, and is served as street food folded up with butter and sugar .

I think the explanation as I know it for leaving the batter for thirty minutes is to let it settle and get rid of the air pockets caused by whisking. I think this slightly improves the texture of American style pancakes, but has no notable difference on crepes or English pancakes.

I highly reccomend adding two tablespoons of melted butter to pancake mix.