What are universal good manners? Does familiarity or anonimity(spelling? I need a spell check on my poster please.) breed ill manners?
Not killing your boss is very good manners.
LMAOROFL and very good to your cash flow too and might even get you a raise for your patience. So does good manners means side benefits too?
I would think so, even though good manners can make you look like a foot stool to some.
There are widespread principles. But the actual customs vary, as you know.
Manners are most useful among people who do not know each other too well, or who’s relationship is not strictly personal, anyway. Manners can be a bit stultifying among intimates.
But I suppose everyone likes “please” and “thank you”. In fact…oh, no. I don’t want to go there today.
I think good manners means being nice in a calculated fashion, a sort of balanced indifference. Somewhere between political correctness and not getting involved. It certainly implies some kind of openness towards dialogue - being prepared to accept the other’s idiosyncrasies as a natural consequence of diversity-, but it doesn’t mean one has to become a doormat in order to just not offend.
“Houston, we have a negative on that trajectory!”
Conversely, it is better manners, to terminate management, as that is the most beneficial and polite to the remainder of your coworkers.
Trust me on this one, ci, I’ve been in corporate America long enough to know.
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Your new friends will meet you at the water fountain, before the end of the day!!!
‘Universal good manners’ - without giving it a great deal of thought - would seem to come down to things like ‘do unto others …’, ‘respect’, ‘common decency’, ‘politeness’, etc.
There’s also something to be said about just being a general ‘good mood’ when speaking with others, particularly those one is unfamiliar with, even if it is forced or fake.
Most of the people I come into contact with whom I consider to have bad manners are those who seem annoyed or pissed off, like cashiers who seem to hate their job for example.
Having a generally pleasant disposition nearly always entails having ‘good manners’ as a consequence.
Mas terminating your managment, terminates your paycheck. Just how is that a plus Oh father of several kiddies? Would that not be illmannered to your family then?
Daybreak, Some of the rudest people I have ever met were happy people. They had such sunny dispositions they seemed to think they can say and do anything and all will be great with the world.
And ROFL, those cashiers probably just had to deal with a MAS before you got there. But, you are right having a job that you enjoy puts you in a better mood to handle social settings in a more gentle manner.
I think MS has a good handle on it as does Faust (go where dear Faust? Oh come on you know you want to, that Florida sun is making you all warm inside you can’t resist. 
)
I’m Sicilian lady, what makes you think that they would know who was the executor of their demise? I said nothing about doing so overtly.
This is where strategy and tactics come into play. What they don’t know, will have happened before they have the ability to react negatively to the circumstance.
I can’t quite put my finger on it, but something about this reeks of contradiction.
Let’s paint a little picture. You’re a clerk. A customer comes in and is happy and smiling - has what you might call a ‘sunny disposition’. Upon interacting with them, however, they are rude and callous, and by the time the interaction is complete, you find yourself thinking the person was a jackass.
Does this person truly have a ‘sunny disposition’? It would seem quite the opposite; that while perhaps they give the impression of pleasantness prior to interaction, ultimately their disposition was dark, cold and rude.
Someone may very well be ‘happy’ internally, but this hardly equates, at least in my mind, to having a generally pleasant dispostion.
By contrast, if you come away from an interaction with someone thinking to yourself, ‘Wow, she had a very pleasant disposition’, then that person was not rude to you.
Mas, Dear one, I would never doubt your prowess. I was merely asking if cutting your nose off would be spiting your face or would it make it better?
Would not losing your paycheck by such a an emotional um, outburst (Ok I know you would never, ever, ever have an emotional outburst that such a deed would be planned to tenth degree of perfection,but it is the only word I could think of and also this could apply to others not just you.) be illmannered to your family?
Daybreak think pushy, nosy, overly helpful, constantly giving unwanted advice. Saying things with out thought… That is not callous or mean or dark just a pain in the butt rude. Very happy people can be constantly rude without realizing the rudeness.
Believe me Kriswest, this is corporate America, they’ll have some sycophantic neophyte ready for replacement in a matter of minutes. The herd must venture on, eternally.
Actually that is incorrect. My spouse has accused me, on more than one occasion, of being ill-mannered towards family. I tell her to quit being such a pussy, walk it off, roll around a little bit, rub some dirt in it … they’ll be just fine.
I assume you’re talking about those overtly jovial types who are all ‘in your face’ with their frolicking gaiety. I agree, those people are annoying as piss. But are they truly rude? Can you be more specific in how they are lacking in manners?
Aren’t they just unthinking, or tactless? They’re just so happy they forget that maybe you aren’t. So, perhaps politeness is not being unhappy to one who is happy, and not being happy to one who is unhappy?
The Golden Rule works for me, but I have to have more Mas skills of being pissed and staying pissed and jumping on people. I am far too easy- going for my own good.
I have these old fashioned things that drive me nuts like taking your hat off at the dinner table and taking your glove off to shake hands - oh god, I AM my mother.
I wish everyone would follow the Golden Rule bc most of those little mannerly things don’t matter much in the scheme of things. Mostly it is about consideration, not Miss Manners napkin-in-your-lap stuff. At least for me.
Kriswest,
First, let’s look at the phrase ‘good manners.’ The phrase denotes an immediate expectation. What kind of expectation? An expectation of ‘good’ (manners in this case). Now, to have ‘universal good manners,’ you have to define said universality. Is this a singular set, or subset of expectations (different cultures, different manners)? What if my expectations do not measure up to your expectations (I’ll employ your obnoxious goody goody, as an example, here)?
Anonymity: Is this internet land anonymity? Are you asking if one is usually encouraged to go hog wild if no one is watching? I don’t know. Let me ask you; have you ever done something naughty while under that oh so delectable guise of anonymity (don’t lie, that would probably be bad manners somewhere, right beside poor grammar and bad spelling- confines where I’m liable to have a short life span)?
Familiarity: Is this familiarity among friends? Or just meeting someone in an airport terminal and proceed to tell them about your life story (this happened to me recently, I’m not yet sure if I could classify this as good or bad manners. She was a nice lady, with great kids –at least that’s what she said-, she’s a stay at home mom, but, she misses her high powered job. Nice lady.)? Are you in a culture that embodies familiarity? Or not? Is it a short gauge culture? Personal space culture?
How about I just keep my hands to myself until I find out whether this is considered rude and uninviting in some cultures?
How about the learning curve? The ability to learn what’s not acceptable, really fast. Oh, I’m not supposed to use that contraction? My ‘I’ is supposed to go before my ‘e’ except after some odd exception? Got it. Now if I could just remember all these rules (and manage to keep my impulses in check), then am (or was that ‘I’m’) good to go.
There’s something to this.
Being pissed? Staying pissed?
Why do people assume someone else to be “pissed off” because they lack tolerance for the inane and trivial?
I’m not pissed, I’m direct and ascerbic. That does not necessitate an angry mentality or demeanor.
???
Yep, I have to agree. Empathize and reach middle ground. Or at least try to. Body language also is part of it. Learning body language can help with cross cultural exchange. We all have the same basic body language no matter where we are from. So perhaps being observant would help.