This guy I’ve known for 9 years now. We have been on again and off again for the 9 years. Long history, lots of back and forth and him leaving and me leaving and him being with other girls, yada yada…
Sometimes we would stop talking all together.
The last few years he has realized that I might be the one and has tried desperately to track down me “the one that got away.”
So when I got in touch with him, he was really happy. But then i got scared and ran away, which really hurt him.
Then years later (just recently) I got in touch with him again which made him really happy again because he had been trying to find me again. He had heard some misinformation that I had gotten married and it scared him into trying to find me.
When I contacted him he was really excited again and kept asking me out but then I kept saying the time was bad but he kept asking me because he really wanted to give us a shot. I also voiced my concerns about the fact that we seemed incompatible due to lifestyle differences which he disagreed with.
So…then just the other day he asked me out one afternoon and i was sposed to answer his call that night to confirm. But i got scared so I turned my phone off and ignored the message he left me.
Hours later I got an email saying “you’re right, we’re not compatible, im not good for you, youre a cool girl but not with me, we have a past but I know we dont have a future, i see no other reason for us to keep talking, goodbye.” the next day he left a similar message on my phone.
So now im sad and im wondering if im supposed to take what he said at face value? Is it really done with me for good? Does he really mean it?
There was a Shepherd Boy who tended his sheep at the foot of a mountain near a dark forest. It was lonely for him, so he devised a plan to get a little company. He rushed down towards the village calling out “Wolf, Wolf,” and the villagers came out to meet him. This pleased the boy so much that a few days after he tried the same trick, and again the villagers came to his help. Shortly after this a Wolf actually did come out from the forest. The boy cried out “Wolf, Wolf,” still louder than before. But this time the villagers, who had been fooled twice before, thought the boy was again lying, and nobody came to his aid. So the Wolf made a good meal off the boy’s flock.
Do girls actually find these relationship complications secretly enjoyable? I think we intimidate each other by implying permanence in our decisions.
I wonder what exactly makes it justified for me to tell someone I’m “out of their life forever.” You can wrong me, I can sue you, I can win, we can hang out.
Girls- some guys use drama for the sake of manipulation. They make good friends with guys that give drama no response.
Some do. Some don’t. Some so, openly. So do some men. Sadly, because male roles and stereotypes are more heavily set in popular culture, it is the practical role of the female in relationships to break down the other’s habitual conforming to a stereotype in order for the two to actually get to know one another and for compatibility to be on the table for discussion. Now, this cuts both ways, like I say, men do it too.
Or by assuming permanence in the other’s decisions. I try to assume very little when it comes to women (and people in general). I find I get along with a lot of people.
Ice, Contact the guy and see if he still wants to give it a go. Be honest. There is enough history going both ways that it is a dice shoot, but not even trying is a guaranteed failure. Unless the guy proposes on the first meeting, you both have time to see what growth has occurred in the intervening years. As it stands, neither one of you knows who the other person is. You only know who each other was. Consider it a first date - because that is what it will be.
How old are you ICE? Have you been doing this for nine years since you were a teenager? If so, then maybe you two have grown up and might have a chance. If you’re 30 and you’ve been doing this since you were 21, then you probably need to move on because neither of you is taking the other as seriously as you probably will have to for things to work.
How old are you ICE? Have you been doing this for nine years since you were a teenager? If so, then maybe you two have grown up and might have a chance. If you’re 30 and you’ve been doing this since you were 21, then you probably need to move on because neither of you is taking the other as seriously as you probably will have to for things to work.
How does this not contradict itself?
[b]I have been looking at this thread for the past few days. Ice, could you look back at these descriptions from what you have told us here.
What is it about this situation or this guy or whatever that helps you to get scared, and what are you scared of?[/b]
