There are diverse ways to handle these things. The debate is which way is suitable or best or dependent upon each situation the way is different. Do you see a standard way to deal with such?
When dealing with rude/insulting people in my real life, I fall back on one of two responses. Both are equally effective, in my experience.
I either put the person in their place with a quick, to-the-point tell off, and then walk away –
Or…(this is the more fun option, but it’s also kind of immature)
I just agree with everything they say and smile in their face, which works to piss the person off so badly that they’ll walk away from me.
Online, I tend to argue. And argue. And then argue some more.
Though I keep experimenting, I ought to know better. There’s no fixing others. Just accepting the insult, maybe even realizing I kind of deserve it, is the simplest “solution”, in my experience.
For me it always depends upon the situation. I might blow up, I might smile, I might walk away, I might lecture or I may just get in their head and twist them around.
Diplomacy is not taught in schools only reporting or ignoring… I think that this has done nothing to help interaction with people. Parenting has been influenced by this. Are there better ways? A class? Can we give kids the strength to handle a situation without backing away, calling for help, or escalating the situation?
In my limited experience, insults by the insulter aren’t thought of as such. They may be very deliberate and aimed at a third party–“Don’t have anything to do with her–she’s insensitive and crazy.” The speaker is honestly convinced of what’s been said, so it isn’t necessarily an insult so much as it is a statement of dislike or pain that comes about from misunderstanding.
Other insults are completely thoughtless comments and are only insults in the mind of the receiver–“Your son is a handsome boy–so glad he takes after you!” Ahem–he looks like his Father–your Uncle!
To me, the ‘real’ insults are thrown at others out of fear. If fear is a primal feeling, as I believe it is, then the only class would be an examination of the roots of fear. Why do we fear; what do we fear; is fear rational in this situation?
I don’t believe such a ‘class’ is possible.
I think you’re just supposed to shake haters off.
Yes, but, my point is, folks are not shaking it off anymore. Maybe its just in this area but, commercials about bullying etc are flooding in. You are supposed to report insults, etc. not handle the situation yourself.
It seems like its being encouraged to be more dependent on authority/govt.
That is a path to weaker humans.
Yathink? 
Yea, just a bit.
Well if by weak, you mean victims of bullying, then I guess so. But, I’d rather live in a society that shunned bullies than one that celebrated them so I dunno…
I mean, it’s 2013, this is the real world. You can’t just be involved in assaults and things like that over pride in a parking lot of a burger king. When someone acts like a tough guy, no one likes it. People created this whole, “civilization” thing for a reason ya know. Like…so that we can behave as though we are civilized.
Here’s what I want to know –
What happened to, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me”??
Obviously words can hurt us, but why do we teach the youth of our nation that words have more power than they actually do? The truth is, words can only hurt you if you let them. I don’t understand why we don’t encourage children to self-validate and stop letting other people get under their damn skin so much. The whole bullying trend has gotten way out of control. I had some pretty serious bullies when I was a kid, and when I went home crying my mom told me (in so many words) to get over it and not let them see that they were getting to me, because if they couldn’t bother me it wouldn’t be fun anymore.
You know what I found out? If you pretend that you don’t care what other people are saying to and about you, and you do so consistently, eventually you don’t have to pretend anymore.
Fake it till you make it.
That’s the theory.
Seems to work out.
It works if you work it. Keep coming back.
Have you been attending AA meetings recently?
I had to go when I was 15.
Yeah, a lot of times in our quest to accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative we overlook all the ways in which we are actually attracting the negativity of others, and so we keep on unwittingly attracting it. i make efforts to look for my own role in the insults i receive because without that understanding, avoiding the negativity of others goes from being difficult to being totally impossible. Acknowledging one’s own role in the insult also makes it much easier just to let the insult go, which always feels better than being indignant.
I think it depends on the situation. My sense is that the more emotionally expressive the reaction I can manage without the benefits of this being outweighed by the consequences of doing it is the best heuristic for me. So big guy with gun pionted at my face inhibits much honest response on my part if he insults me. At work, with those how have similar beliefs as me, on the street with a stranger, at my sister’s wedding…all different. One need not respect roman culture to factor in - not worship - when in rome do as romans do. I I don’t respect roman culture. But there it is.
So “no” is the answer to my question.
All good advice. So how to get it to standard practice for kids? I used a combination of your advices on my kid and it worked for mine but, he had support in family… not all kids get support other than tell authority.