Hatred and love, sex and violence

They are more similar than we know. A boy can feel greater love by being whipped by his father than he can being hugged by him. Apathy is far worse than any violent act.

edit: Misunderstood the statement (perhaps a different example is suited to demonstrate the point). And, is there a point beyond the observation?

When there’s hate, it implies the person cares on some level about how you effect them. When there’s apathy, it implies you are of absolutely no concern to them. If what you want is them thinking about you on some level, hate delivers, whereas apathy does not – it amounts to feeling abandoned, neglected, alone, unworthy of emotional connection (whether it be positive or negative).

I agree w/ ditto.

tough love?
and i know what you mean ditto, and she. but it’s not one that’s good, it’s both. tough love, and apathy

I see the Point She, however ditto wrote, quote:

That comparison is what registered when I read the statement; a hug isn’t apathy now is it? Perhaps Ditto used a bad example or phrased the question wrong because I do agree that apathy is worse than tough love, it’s just that a hug, depending on the type, does not resemble apathy; so perhaps, a different example is in order.

Also, I want to go a little further on this. Does a child understand what tough love is? Does a child, understand as we adults, that anger or violence is the result of love (not always but definitly in many instances)? Because from my own memory, I in retrospect only have learned that my father only hit me because he loved me. But I didn’t know it then. I didn’t understand it then. At the time it was just pure violence beyond my comprehension. So, on a slightly different note, does it serve the purpose we want it to acomplish, if a child doesn’t understand? I know I’ve digressed, but I think its a point worth considering whenever contemplating violence, especially good points about it.

I want to feel worthy of emotional connection – would some woman please punish me with a leather whip?

(Let’s see if this post gets me kicked off the boards.)

my real name

You should ask for a massage or a sponge bath—it’s more relaxing.

Yeah, Underground Man, I thought the example ditto gave of hugging was maybe a little open to misunderstanding (although I can think of times when a hug can be a sign of apathy). And I agree w/ you that positive attention is better than negative in communicating love and acceptance. Unfortunately, some people are taught to communicate love through violence. It is why there is ‘battered wife syndrome’.

As far as ‘tough love’ concerning disciplining children, I offer these links:

shaw.medlib.iupui.edu/conscience
nwrel.org/scpd/sirs/7/cu13.html
eqi.org/Eqtapp.htm

UndergroundMan said:

I think that though you did not realize it consciously, unconsciously you know that your father loves you; this leads to the deduction that whatever your father does to you is out of love. You may have not fully understood it then, but now you can realize that what he did was out of love because you probably think the same way he did/does. In most situations(I do not have any statistics or proof) children who are abused grow up to be abusers themselves. This doesnt result as a lack of love, but rather this is the only way they know how to show love. When they’re father or mother abused them when they were younger, they realized this to be a sign of love, and believe it to be how love is supposed to be expressed.