I’d really be thankful to anyone who can inform me.
You see, I have have a low opinion of myself, especially in social situations, but when I’m alone I have all these big ideas about how superior/important I am in the grand scheme of things. I’ve seen psych books describe this as a defense mechanism, how these big ideas compensate for a poor self image.
But I dont get how they are compatible at all . . . I mean, how can you have a belief that makes you feel beyond good, if its foundation starts with the denial of actual pain.
I know this whole ying yang universe is rife with contradiction, but I’m hoping to understand it better.
In psychology this is called megalomania, more often known as delusions of grandeur.
Don’t look at the low self esteem as a foundation for the delusions of grandeur, instead look at the delusions as a way compesate for the lack of esteem is other facets of life. The idea is a person feels inferior and therefore has to resort to grand delusions of their own importance in order to make up for the inferiority. The mind helps the ego cope by creating these delusions. At least this is what a psychologist would probably say.
Personally I don’t think there is anything wrong with having confidence in your own ideas. The fact that you have a low self esteem in social situations means you’re probably an introverted person who is much better at thinking and studying, therefore you should be confident in that respect. What you need to do is take that confidence and use it in social situations.
Also keep in mind, I am sure many great thinkers would have been classified as megalomaniacs, Nietzsche comes to mind as the best example.
kevconman, does your low opinion of yourself occur only while in the social settings or all the time? is it a reflection of your social ability that then disapears when you are alone?
yeah, in public I fail. I’m not shy or anything, I just dont meet the standards set by society. When i’m alone, I love myself. A bit extreme I know. But where is that middle ground, I dont know.
I hate to sound so obvious, but I’m going to anyway.
I believe that a lot of times the reason we feel insecurities is because there is still something left undealt with from childhood or earlier in our lives. It may be something super tragic for some or just an insucurities.
But most people have some undealt with things, which will eventually surface until we fully take them on, deal with them and give them their proper resting place in the past.
you are an adult, but the “child you” is still you at the same time, and even though you can intellectualize what you need to do to change, the undealt with emotion is springing up and high jacking the situation.
Pinpoint the event and then get the tools to deal with it.
… or it could just be your personality and your strenghts are in other areas.
you’re right. I had a childhood event that fucked me up. Anyway, I’ve gone to therapists and they almost avoid the topic, maybe because it makes them feel uncomfortable. Either way, it remains unresolved. But your insight is correct.
kevconman, I think it is very simple, the truth is that you do meet up to societal standards and you do have something valuable to add. I don’t think your feelings in private of self worth are misplaced at all, you just have to express them in public. It may take a little umph of courage but I would imagine that the other feeling is pretty sucky, so just do it!