How’d you know when you’ve found the right one?
I really don’t know how to put this but so far in my life I kind of never been in love … but if I ever do, how do you know she is the right one? I mean no matter who you have as a partner there will always be someone better won’t it? Isn’t that one of the reasons so many cheat, because love doesn’t last forever but that you sooner or later will be bored and have to try to find someone new. But where do you find this person? I find dating-sites embarrassing and uncomfortable (maybe it’s my pride) and going out to a bar or something, well that can’t be right, in bar’s there’re to many of those searching for one-night stands and shallow people… Where did you find “the love of my lifeâ€
For me, love is different, because even if you go out and kiss, screw, or mess around with other women, your mind still cannot forget the one you love. It feels like a powerful connection that goes beyond what you’ve known before with all other people.
I’m lucky; I’ve found love in my life twice, but it is not always a good ride. I would trade all the lesser relationships in my life for a loving relationship.
There may or may not be “somebody better”, but that doesn’t really matter when it comes to love. Some people do cheat, yes. Personally, I do not understand it. When I fall in love, I fall in love as a lover and a friend. Part of my definition of ‘friendship’ is loyalty. Why would I betray a friend, especially my lover, for somebody I do not truly care for? That kind of action seems self-destructive rather than any sort of progression. I would rather spare somebody I love from harm and not be with them, then risk being disloyal when there is a chance for it.
You will find that person anywhere, in many cases, where you least expect it. I found the loves of my life through mutual friends.
As for now, I am looking for my next woman and I must constantly remind myself to be patient. It could take the rest of my life–but that’s how love works.
There is no “kind of” when it comes to love - you were either in love… or you weren’t.
That’s a bit tricky. When you are in love, she IS the right one (even if she isn’t). That’s the nature of love.
That’s true with romantic love. It doesn’t last. If you are a romantic kind of person who likes the “in love” feeling, enjoy it while you can because eventually it will wear off.
embarrassing? …huh…
The dating game is the same online as in real life, if not “safer” for a shy (proud?) person.
The “love of your life” is actually you. When you fall in love with someone you are falling in love with yourself (discovering a part of yourself), through that person. I suggest you start there.
if you can be comfortable being yourself around her then you are on target.
Can you be together and not have to talk or fill those quiet times with activity?
if you can be relaxed enough in her company without feeling the need to communicate all the time, you are on target.
If you see her does it bring at least a small involuntary smile to your face?
Real love is about two people being theirselves and accepting and loving of each others faults.
A real mate is a friend first, last and always. The sexuality compatability is secondary. If you love each other as friends then the sexuality can only get better. This goes for both men and women looking for that mate.
I’m no sure about the friendship first thing - It has to start from a visual interest surely, otherwise, why w ould you want to get to nkow that person?
Its very easy to convince yourself that you are in love - or ‘in lust’ - its when that fades that you know when you are in love or not. This has been said better here…
Thanks for all the answers, really. I liked the last quote very much Grizzle!
And to answer your question realunoriginal I became 18 a couple of days ago =D>
The thing is that those I met so far have been behaving strange or, now when I think about it, maybe it’s just me… I’m too scared to even try to communicate because I’m afraid of being let down. When someone sometimes gazes at me at the subway station or something, I just try to ignore them and focus reading my novel, see I am probably one of the worst persons when it comes to keeping eye-contact, now why’s that
You need more confidence. Maintaining eye-contact is an indicator for confidence. Practice it by saying hello to strangers and just asking them how their day is or just some idle chit-chat.
And it is better to have loved and lost than not loved at all. Even though losing does suck hardcore.
There is no such thing as “the right one”, there’s only aberrant variables of what you are willing to accept.
“This one doesn’t make me want to strap on a vest full of metal ball bearings and Semtec and level a small village”
“This one makes me want to pull my bottom lip over my head and swallow hard, but has a good job”
“This one makes sperm look like a better mate than the completed product, but is good with children.”
“This one … well … the abortion didn’t come quick enough.”
It’s all about tolerances. Beyond that, cohabitation and/or monogamy/marriage is spare moments of compatibility laden with warfare, chaos, destruction and bi-annual bouts of rather lame intercourse.
Welcome to humanity in all it’s glory, may the lies of our ancestors serve you well in your social oblivion. But I say this in the most joyful manner possible.
Yes. You put too much weight on what other people might or do think about you. You don’t want to spend your life as a mere reflection of other people’s perceptions of you, do you?
You choose to know people by their appearance? I have dated guys that ranged from ugly to handsome by social standards. I always figured if the guy got the courage to talk to me he might be worth getting to know. And there are just as many handsome idiots as there are ugly idiots. To pick a permenant mate you really need to put looks aside. If you are just dating and fooling around, go for the looks. Knowing the person must come first in order for a true lasting love.
Life is fine Grizz, it’s dealing with female procreative strategies that blows dead goats.
If women would learn about the prime movers of the male psyche, things would be better. But, they don’t care, because men ensure that they don’t have to; woman has the key to the gates of temple, man can’t have the key, he can only visit briefly before being unceremoniously kicked out, by some rude little fryar with bad hair and a foul temperment.
I’m not saying that looks are the be all and end all - but if i am not visually/aesthetically attracted to someone, then i sure as hell am not going to want to bump uglies with him. I know lots of people don’t work this way, and alot of people only go out with ‘friends’ rather than the lovers bit being first and foremost.
I’ve been out with ‘ugly’ guys and ‘gorgeous’ guys before - but they were sexy and or attractive to me, its irrellevant what anyone else thinks he is. You can have handsome guys who are ugly on the inside, and it soon shows, and ‘ugly’ or average guys who are desperately sexy because they are such fabulous personalities. Looks go only so far, and if there’s no brains to go with what one finds attractive visually, then its not going to be a long lasting relationship. Call me shallow - but i’m a visual person and I can’t change that. It works for me. The way i choose partners works for me. Just know that if i’m saying someone is visually attractive - that doesn’t necessarily mean that he is to everyone.
For me, a relationship starts with a spark of chemistry AND being able to get on like a house on fire, ie, talking about everything, things in common etc.
Another quote which rings true for me by Kahlil Gibran below…
If only it were that simple. You’ve obviously dated, have friends and watched/been knowledgeable of their dating experiences.
It’s that “is he the right guy” “what kind of job does he have” “how is he in social situations” “what is his social status” “will he make a good friend and companion” “will my friends like him” … blah blah blah … all that premptory BS.
Inside the male’s mind: “I wonder what I can do to her in the sack.”
Hmm, well I think you are assuming all women ask themselves those questions in their head and don’t ever think ‘i wonder what he’ll let me do to him in the sack’.
Yeah, I’ll admit to sometimes thinking ‘is this guy going to treat me like shit or be decent’ - but I don’t think social status and all that other stuff. My good friends are my female friends, and if a guy turns out to be a good friend as well as lover, then thats a bonus (obviously it is preferable for women AND men to have a partner they can get on with!).
I’m someone who thinks what you think - as i think desire of similar shenanigans in the bedroom department are absolutely and utterly necessary. One rampant filthy libido and one tiny ‘missionary’ libido do not a match make. No matter how well you might get on as friends!
Edited to add to ‘is this guy going to treat me like shit’ - in fact should actually be ‘will i let this guy treat me like shit’ - i hate the idea that people blame everything on the other person ‘he treated me like shit’ - infact means that I allowed him to.
No I didn’t mean that … I’m certain that at least a particular percentage of women do think in that manner. My bet is though, that generally comes after my other comments … well after.
With males, chemistry and attractiveness are right up front, at all times. Genetics, you understand. Your physical mate fitness needs be assessed for there to be any relationship grounds … women, (generally), work from the social level back to the personal level.
I know too many guys, that if no one is looking, they’ll ride the hell out of that moped, and feel no shame. Trust me, men and women are highly different in this arena.
Hmmm… yeah well i’ve always gone for chemistry and attractiveness. Maybe i’m ‘male’ in that way. As i said above, if the attractiveness/chemistry isn’t there right off the bat, i’m not interested, even if he does have a swiss bank account ( :-& ). I even had a boyfriend once who said it was like i was his best mate (as in male best mate), but who he also wanted to shag. LOL. I don’t ‘get’ half of the women stuff I get told is ‘normal’ women behaviour. I’ve never dated a guy who has money - its never even been something that crossed my mind when meeting a man who i found attractive.
Its like i’ve heard some women saying they’d not pick a guy due to what shoes he wears. My friend always use dto say, surely i wouldn’t marry a man (or date) who wore socks with his sandals. I said, if i found him attractive and we got on well and the chemistry was fantastic… then why the heck not!?
I read an article about this this week in the paper - studies that people had done on speed dating and other types of dating. It follows the idea like you are saying that women tend to go for status (like evolution tells us to), and men go for youth and attractiveness on the whole.
