I’ll leave you in Bessy’s capable hands, but pm me if you want another perspective. I’ve been married for 10 years, have one son of nearly three, and another one on the way. Oh, and I’m the husband - just in case you didn’t know.
Don’t blow your family up just yet please.
Thanks for the vote of confidence, Tab.
get a grip,
Whatever intensity of affection that you saw in your husband originally as your lover was not a mirage. Someone new will feel this way as well, but when the rubber meets the road and you settle into reality - life isn’t just about “feelings” is it? No, it isn’t. It is about paying bills, raising children, tragedy, boredom/ennui, and what once feels like your little piece of heaven has transformed into your little piece of shit.
I have had these feelings. I have even had this exact experience, but chose to keep my family together. Because, guess what? When this great kisser of yours moves in, the “flat-line” reality will set in and just being kissed won’t do it for you. The reality is (Bess-reality anyway) in most cases, not one person can do it for you your whole life. Yeah… sometimes there are exceptions like Kriswest’s relationship, but most of us aren’t as lucky which seems to be the reason for all the divorces.
Is there such a thing as a soulmate? Yes. For some (like Kris) it is one soulmate. But, for me - I have several. Several women and several men.
It is having sex with them all that isn’t realistic. I love my husband, but can he fill every emotional need? Nope.
Nor should he.
A kiss is in several ways more intimate than sex, and I believe the true measure of chemistry in a relationship. The strength, passion, intoxication of a kiss cannot be faked, and, while passion helps in sex, it is to a greater extent a matter of technique and experience.
Sex gets better as a relationship goes along, kisses do not.
As to how kisses feel, intoxicating is a good start. Merging of identity, and a visceral glow of pleasure that bubbles upward into consciousness.
A kiss curls your toes, weakens your knees, strengthens your embrace.
It is one of the supreme joys of life.
QK
Did you talk with him about what you felt was missing and what you felt that you needed?
I think that if it’s a stable marriage, it’s worth it!, because stable, long-term things wont let you down at random. Consistency is not exciting, but it does reduce stress in life.
On an uncooth note:
If jealousy didn’t exist – more then one partner would not break up the first parthnership. There could be groups of “lovers” that turned to more then one when they had certain needs or wants.
But please do remember:
Our jealousy over our loved ones, is actually our protective/teratorial instinct, and we only have that instinct because we don’t want to have what we need taken away/lost.
What’s to stop the new lover from cooling off the way that the older one did? In a marriage, the first few years are always the hardest.
Ladies and gentlement, I must inform you – your desire leads to suffering. The quenching of the thirst, is the pleasure. The thirst is the suffering, the longing, the meaninglessness when away from what is thirsted for. Without the thirst, the suffering and the pleasure would all-but stop, and life would tone down, calm down, and be more peaceful.
//
It’d be nice if you got closer to nirvana every day, but it’s a slow process. Who wants to get there?
Long ago I realized my wanting of “romance” – was my weakness and my suffering aswel; it’s fading away now, and that’s a relief.
Let’s imagine a boy spending 2 hours a day looking at candy in a store, and wanting it very much. Is the candy “crule” for not being in his mouth, is the store owner “crule” for not giving this boy something? This boy feels frustrated and at a great loss. Is the boy being “crule” to himself by wanting and longing? Or is this a question of karma? Cause and effect.
Be most careful with hearts.
Last word:
“get a grip” – if you did not know this already, or had not yet realized it, we all care about you [some care less, some care more, but everyone here does care about you]. So, many would be willing to spend their time giving the best advice that they [,the limited and inexperienced beings called “human”,] have.
Byebye and take care.
Couldn´t say it better.
As for my own story; I am very thankful for your opinions and would be happy to hear more from you in the thread “Finding your better half…”
as I do not want to steal this one.
Just a few comments:
Dan; I am glad you worry about me and I have been looking for answers to my dilemma in many places when I feel my mind is to thick, almost daily. Even in Zen Budism. I am not prepared to give up my desires today. I am not sure they lead to suffering, but they may, and I see your point. Perhaps one day I will be ready but then it will be as a result of being convinced.
Sorry about the spelling mistake, I meant “crueler”
Cheers
To me, kissing is more erotic than sex, foreplay or anything else I can think of. A good kiss is one of the most pleasurable things in the world for me. A bad one, however, is a total turnoff for me. I’ve kissed men before who were so good at it that it put me almost in a trance-like state. That’s been a long time, ago, though.
ditto.
How to describe a kiss from the one I love… hmm… take all sweet and complimenting adjectives, put them together, multiply them by a million and you come close to 25% of how great it is for me…
How does it make me feel ? Well, last time she did it, my heart literally skiped a few beats as I closed my eyes after it was done and I felt like I was floating and then gently settling with my feet back on the ground and my heart started beating again. It felt like time bent or at least got distorted somehow, like the moment was extended to last longer than it should. Somehow she always makes me blush, she is the sweetest thing in the world 
The last time I got kissed properly, It hit me so hard I fell over (very embarassing). literally took my breath away
can i just say, i just read the title again, and there was no pun intended
I’ve only kissed a few girls in my lifetime (what can I say? I’m a shy guy). Although they seemed to really enjoy it, my experience was nothing incredibly special. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed it. But maybe those girls just weren’t special enough for me. I dunno.