how to get laid (not immediately though)

Philosophy Forums Society, Government, and Economics
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I would like to consult the wise members of the ILP forums about the topic of conversation to attract a mate.

I have a predicament. I am attracted to a girl that I would like to get to know better. The rub is that is very social and insists on the group date. I think that my problem is that I dont have the technical knowledge to fabricate easy conversation on the fly. This is where you guys come in. What sort of things should I talk about that dont just appeal to a small a small minority, and arent as general and impersonal as talking about the weather, movies, etc., but is also a good way to endear myself in her heart?

I would especially appreciate the input of any women that participate in these forums.

Thanks in advance!

2

talk about things you like. if she and you both don’t like them, you don’t have that much in common.

-Imp

3

Women are looking for heart. Do something that sets you apart like sending her flowers and saying you would like to get to know her. Sure, you could look like an idiot, but you might be surprised.

Everyone wants to be loved. That is all anyone really wants when it comes down to it. Do you need anything in common? Not really. Personally, I think the best relationships are built when you come together with your differences rather than a carbon copy of yourself and your interests.

I know it is scary to do this, but I would try it. You get shot down? Who cares? You move her? Hmmm. Could be the best thing you’ve ever done in your life.

4

I would also consider making your goal to have a longterm, meaningful relationship and not focus on getting laid. I understand your need, but really… if you get the love first, the sex will be unforgettable.

Otherwise it is just sex. Good, but not fireworks. I’d go for the fireworks.

5

Hmm.

Right, the first thing to remember - the hard part is over. You have, by hook or by crook, got her to go out with you.

ie: She’s already done her female orgainic calculator thang - and you came out a 1, rather than a 0.

Hold that thought.

The bad news - group date. Group date means that although you came out a 1, it was a bit of a squeak. She hasn’t quite entirely ruled out ‘psychotic killer’/nerd from her profile. The friends are there to a) Bail her out should you prove insane and b) Give her second opinions.

You’re trying to pass the friend test.

This is actually easy to pass. Just don’t act anything but bog-standard, run of the mill, normal. Pretend to like all the bands they like - except one, doesn’t matter which - and take the piss out of that one. Mercilessly. If someone does start crying - roll over “Okay - so they’re not that bad, [random song] was pretty good…” Don’t snort coca-cola through your nose, or do the dracula-teeth with French-fries - (that only works in your mid-thirties.)

Less is more. When in doubt, smile, but keep your fool-mouth shut. Share your attention amongst her friends - don’t ignore anyone - even the fat ugly friend with spots - or they will stick the knife in the moment you are out of hearing. Let the girls gabble - and throw the odd remark in at random. They will take the piss out of boys in general at some point, forget going on the offensive - you’re outnumbered. A diatribe on hormonal/PMS influenced female mania will go down like a lead donkey tied to a lead baloon. Just grin and bear it. When it quietens down just lean close to them and yell:

“YOU FUCKING SEXIST BITCHES!!!”

Er… Actually - don’t say that. Just kidding.

Finally - Remember, there’s an outside chance she likes you too, and is equally nervous about the whole thing. She’ll probably be glad to latch onto any topic of conversation you open, provided it isn’t just plain crazy like “I like the rivets they’ve used to staple the tabletop to the plinth. Very rivvetty…”

Keep it general, keep it in the areas she knows stuff about. Ask her questions about herself. Not gay questions like “What shade are your nails painted.” Gender neutral stuff - films - bad films - music - bad music Tv etc. School I suppose, parents - I don’t know what age you are, I’m presuming you’re not 12.

Don’t be overly afraid of silence. It’s gonna happen. A couple of seconds is okay. Minutes of course, means game over.

Last thing. Remember - while you are trying to impress her, she must also impress you. Unless you have absolutely no taste, and are willing to shag any dribbling wreck with the right shaped gonads.

What am I saying…? You’re a guy. :laughing:

6

So maybe the flowers are {old fashioned}?? but guess what?? Women love old fashioned (understated old fashioned) like hand picked daisies not {psychotic I-wanna-hump-your-brains-out-overdone-florist}. Better yet - deliver them yourself. Group date means a) if it is her idea, she most likely either likes you too much or doesn’t like you b) if it is her parents standard she may just adore you because most girls wouldn’t see you twice if they don’t want to be around you. But all this playing games, trying to act aloof, macho crap… women hate. Be genuine, understated, sensitive and attentive. Go on your group-thingy {yes} but then go pick some daisies , hand them to her personally and tell her you would like to take her out for coffee or something you know only she might like - nothing too psycho.

Girls like guys that feel good about themselves but they like attention {sorry Tab, but they do} - understated attention. Even a card. A short email. A smile. She’ll know if you let her know. If you act {all cool} you may never get her attention.

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Tab, that was awesome. I can see now why I can’t get laid. I’d rather be celibate than be that boring - to myself.

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I’m gonna say Tab is spot on.

If anything, be more causitic. You want your attitude to be like coca-cola – it seems vaguely sweet, but it is acidic enough to strip rust off of nails.

Chicks dig that.

I mean it.

Bessy’s options are gonna get you stuck in the friend zone in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

Flowers – no. Save that for later, when you want to show your ‘sensetive’ side. It’s not a starting gambit.

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Women want you to listen to them, it is silly, but true. Act interested, and whatever she babbles about, pretend it matters. If by the end of the date, you want to stuff a sock down her throat, then it really wasn’t meant to be anyways.

Compliments also go a long way, just be tastefull. When a girl is going out with someone she is interested in (you), she will make herself look pretty for you. Mention it, say something like “you look dashing tonight”

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Now that I read you guys - the flowers do look too much, but what about an email? You can say a lot with a word or two.

All men will agree with Tab. Except of couse the ones here who want to make points with the men and not admit that women looooove attention. They just do. And men are very rarely willing to go the extra mile to give it to them. Cause, face it, it’s all about looking aloof and cool. Gag. :unamused:

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My approach is always through humor.

This is more if you want to simply get laid, but it will work in your situation too.

See the thing is, the easiest way to get alone with a girl is to make her friends jealous of the fact that you’re with a specific one. It’s so easy to play women off each other – that’s what really motivates them in the short term, spite. If she thinks one of her friends might be getting interested in you she likely sleep with you simply for this fact alone.

It’s sounds a little evil… but this is the game.

So what you need to do is be much like Tab described, but try to make all of her friends laugh as much as possible. Don’t tell any jokes directly to the girl you’re after, rather always give the impression that she’s involved. Make her the ‘special’ one but just barely.

The girls are going to be viewing you under the pretense that you’re 's potential interest. What you want to do is turn the table on its head and make them ask the question: Hey… maybe -I- should be interested in him.

Be nice but aloof. Ignore something says on purpose to focus on one of the other girl’s (this is tricky sometimes) comments. Do it only once… just enough to make start to question her power over you.

This is a test, and you need to become the teacher.

12

gamesgamesgamesgamesgamesgamesgamesgamesgamesgames??? :unamused:

But I do like the humor thing. No better aphrodesiac for me.

13

Bessy,
It’s not about being aloof and cool, it’s about practicality. If you pay a woman too much attention early on, 99 times out of 100 you will go to the friend zone.

It took me a while to figure that out, I can be slow sometimes.

Gobbo’s points are well taken. I guess that’s what I meant by causitic. You know, funny, but in a slightly mean-spirited way.

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I agree with the guys, here (Shock!). Bessy - you really are consigning this poor horny guy to the friend zone. I have yet to meet a woman who wants to be friends with her lover. As soon as they utter that F-word, you’re done.

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Which F-word are you talking about?

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Friend.

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The longest relationships can be built on friends first. No better marriages are found in fact. If you think back to any longterm relationship you have ever had - you probably like her as a friend first - and then want to rip her clothes off. In most cases humor IS the way to go and if any advice was given here that was good was OG’s.

Lord, it has been so long - I am out of the loop. But, I think women like a lot more attention than you give them credit for - I did mention----> don’t be psycho. As much as I hate games, sometimes playing hard to get does work

I always wanted the bad boys I wasn’t allowed to be around - what does that tell you?

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I’m not talking about how men view women - but about how women view men. Most women think of “lover” and “friend” as polar opposites. There are exceptions, but my experience is that women seldom tell the truth about these things - they seem to think that men cannot bear it. They might be right.

The bad boys is just the point. I have seduced many women that I shouldn’t have expected to by being “bad”. It tells me everything.

Yes, it is a game. I regret, sometimes, that I got tired of it.

19

A lot of men will befriend a woman and then develop sexual feelings for her.

I, honestly, cannot think of a single instance where that has happened with a female. Granted, I may have a sampling bias, but I have not observed it.

As Faust said, this isn’t about how men view women at all, it is about how women view men and how we, as men, have to deal with it.

20

Data

…how to get laid.

Portent

When you stop thinking and talking like that you will find success, and you will pass it up at times.