How do you raise your child in today’s world? If you don’t have a child (which is my case) how would you raise it? I am asking this question because I have a little nephew who is in primary school. I think his parents aren’t doing a god job on him, and he is rebellious and difficult to control most of the time.
Just asking, because it seems an ordeal to bring someone up right through…
First thing I’d do is move to a nice city so that the kid has room to develope a personality. No real need to do this until about seven, but their are even benifits before that, museums and such. Probably best to move to a non-american city, so that the kid survives. I’d look for a good school, but failing that I’d homeschool- or more acurately start a small school. I’d just buy a toga, get some books, and hold classes in the park or the library or the cafe. My kid will know three languages and how to play the flute by age five- he’ll thank me later. Then he will mostly get math until he’s 14 and can reasonble start learning dialectic. By 16 he is going off to school, either a good bording school or strait to university. I don’t bellive in this infinite extention of childhood. I’ve had friends kept home until 20 with communinty college and such. They are definately messed up people, although nice.
I was interested in what you’d do if you had to handle him until that crucial period of 7-8 years. The reason is that the child has by then come to many conclusions on many things. So anything on that part?
Yes, schooling them is very important. The schooling must come at the right time, neither too early for him, nor too late.
I wanted to look at a couple of other issues as well - media exposure, violence, and such - how does one make sure the kid takes all that in the right light - how do we ensure that they are already involved in something that they dont take to rebellion, violence and such means to getting what they want? Maybe something related to this is what you said on American cities and non-american ones. What in your mind is the difference? In my view, America has good schools, there are good facilities, good standard of living, and it seems a good place to bring up a kid…what was the reason for your saying so? And where would you rather be?
Should responibility be thrust upon him early? How do we get them to do stuff on their own and think for themselves clearly?
Yo… I am an American, and I know exactly what he means by that. America is the tube… You know that saying that the whole country is going down the tubes, well America is the tube that it and other countries go down. It’s the capital of assimilation. If you want to raise your kid in a place where you are guaranteed to have no control over him/her, and him/her be completely assimilated by a society of ignorance, then by all means, raise your kid here… Right in Texas, lol.
Yeah, America is a comfortable place to live for sure. But there are plenty of comfortable places to live around the world, and you need to take a lot more then comfort into consideration when thinking about what the best environment for your child is. For one, an environment that is too comfortable, and doesn’t stimulate your child in anyway can be harmful to his/her motivation. Your kid doesn’t need $200 dollar shoes, a T.V. in every room, expensive mattress on his/her bed, or any of that non-sense like people like to shower their kids with in America. What your kid needs is good solid morals, self-discipline, and a good solid education.
I personally would just spend time getting to know my kid. Each kid is different, and requires different types of discipline. You have to sit down with your kid, get to know him/her personally, and figure out exactly what that kid’s mental needs are to develop correctly. I wouldn’t force my kid to do anything that he/she absolutely didn’t want to, but I wouldn’t let him do whatever he/she wanted to either. I would definately consider home schooling as I would not want my kid brainwashed by social institutions. Kids have a tendancy to take what teachers tell them as absolute facts, and the system often takes advantage of this. Here in America, they force kids (even very small children) to pledge their allegiance to the country every day with their hands over their hearts staring at the flag in every public school nation wide. If that isn’t brainwashing, then what is?
Ignoring this whole anti-America spiel, I agree with the above.
I would encourage my child to ask questions. I’d let him or her make personal choices and deal with the consequences. If Autumn (it’s just a name I happen to like) wants to stay up till 2am, fine. She’s still waking up at 6 or 7 to make it to school on time. She’ll only make that mistake once or twice.
I would like to travel, so s(he) gets a broader picture of the world. I’d make sure to inform her (can I just stick with Autumn? this is getting bothersome) of current events. I only speak English and some French, but I’d try to make sure she learns both, and if her mother speaks another language that as well. I’d teach music, literature, science, math, etc. I’d check out good schools, and put her in the one I find does the best job all around. I’d also put her in some form of martial arts training fairly early. I’ve found it’s not only physically healthy, but helps people to develop better mentally, socially, and to instill discipline.
I’d take walks in the parks, and make sure she has an appreciation of nature. I’d never force anything down her throat. She’d be raised vegetarian (obviously) but not be forced into it. I would not force a religion on her, but she would be exposed to many (Buddhism, Catholicism, maybe Hinduism, other forms of Christianity, Judaism, and perhaps Wicca and/or Paganism). I think this would help her make up her own mind, and give her appreciation for different people and their beliefs.
I would teach her to treat people the way she wants to be treated, to treat others respectfully and with dignity. I’d take her to volunteer organizations, and let her see people helping other people, and hopefully participate.
I’d have to be careful, because I know myself, and I’d be prone to possibly spoil my child(ren) and so I’d have to cautious of that. Hopefully she’ll have a good Mom.
I’d let he watch things of a sexual nature, long before I’d let her watch anything too gorey. Sexuality is a part of life but violence shouldn’t be. I’d never tell her to be ashamed of her body. I’d never make her ashamed of being opinionated, or afraid to ask questions. And I would teach her to not accept things simply because it comes from authority. We can all be wrong, even me, though that’s uncommon.
I think that’s a long enough spiel. I think environments are a tad overrated. You can raise a child perfectly well almost anywhere. Some places admittedly are harder than others. I’ve always been an American, and I’ll probably always be, but I’ve been told I’d love the West Coast (San Francisco, Portland, Seattle) and so I’d probably be somewhere near there. I’d like some place with actual seasons (which Louisiana doesn’t have) and if at all possible, with the availability of surfing.
This is entirely self-interested. I really wanna learn to surf. Snowboarding is a possibility too.
I understand that the things you say about what you’d consider when bringing up your child would be valid when you have a significant amount of time in which to sit with the kid, help him out here and there and see him grow. That certainly helps - spending time with them is very important. However, we all have our careers and thats indeed what supports them. What approach should we take towards teaching them the things you wanted in them, when we have only the window of leisure to spend on them? How would we manage bringing them up while managing ou personal and professional lives?
Attention and the lack of it play a large role I think. Like it was said earlier, there are folks who dont move out of their houses and seek jobs or study early in life. They become rather odd folks at times.
There are those who involve with the wrong people and find kicks from stuff which is illegal from negligence.
There is a way to battle these extremes I think, and freedom must be at the cost of responibility I think. There are problems in a family Ive known where the son hardly informs his parents of what he’s upto and stuff. That amount of freedom is what I fear and even when people who have largely grown up inside and been exposed to things later, they tend to have an outlook which helps them understand things personally and they identify with the ones they know about and are faithful. This is what I have larely seen.
Alien Corpuscle Bath - yeah I think getting to know the kid is very important as well. That way we can guide them better towards what they want to do, the way they want to do it. I think they need to keep having these getting to know games often because the child will change from external influences ad even from stuff like that which comes on TV and the internet. That stuff will not go away - whats important is that the kid sees what he is exposed to in a responsible light, and set his mind on the right things - I see this to be the real challenge - getting him to take responbility early and having him take everything practically. It doesnt come easy though I think, and edcuating them is very important - gives them more perspectives to think about…
A child benefits highly from unconditional positive regard. “I will always love you, no matter what. You are always loved and loveable.†Along with this children benefit from firm, consistent boundaries. Parents must set healthy boundaries for their children. Children cannot set boundaries for themselves. Consistency is important, everyone dislike being treated capriciously.
In discipline a clear distinction must be made between behavior and character. Unconditional positive regard extends to everything that a child IS not everything that a child DOES. When a child does something wrong it must be brought to their attention. Any punishment should be clearly expressed as a punishment for a misdeed.
“I still love you, and what you DID was wrong. You are being punished for what you did.â€
Children deserve respect, just as everyone deserves respect. Avoid talking down to children. Seek to understand your child as a developing person with his or her own personality just as real and distinct as your own. Expect the same respect from your children as you give to them.
Children also have a stronger thirst for encouragement, nurturing and support. They strongly benefit from receiving as much of this as we can give.
As much as possible a parent should attempt to make life fair for a child. Children hunger for fairness.
Enter into your child’s world. Children can teach us what we have forgotten. Sometimes children teach parents more than parents teach children.
Demonstrate integrity between your words and deeds. Children see everything and remember everything.
I think the best way to raise a child is to let him raise himself in the sense that together with giving him physical space to grow into, allow him a lot of mental space too. So, guide him but not too much, love him enough, look after his needs but not too much and give him freedom but not too much. Security, I’d say give him as much as he needs and a little bit more.
I will tell my child that the community of earth revolve everything around themselfs, we are very easily influenced and you can never be sure of the person that you really are, choices you make will make you laugh in astonishment as you get older. I will explain to my child that society and goverment are the teachers and headmasters in a very large school, and i will explain that he/she must follow the rules but never get sucked in and to understand why it is that way, it’s a self created meaning designed to give us reason.
“Mental ability is gained from manipulating the three-dimensional world at that age and (from) managing your own mind and not having it managed by an electronic machine,”
Reminds me of how babies are amused when you cover your face then show it saying something like PEEKABOO. It teaches them that even though they can’t see it, it can still be there.
Also “baby talk” such as saying goo goo ga ga and the like to babies isn’t good for them, I learned this a while ago, but I assure you that it’s true.
If I had a child, I would probably let the child think about things, but I would draw lines and set boundaries. Parents should not be Totalitarain, but they should not be too lenient, either. It seems to me that most parents are either too strict or too passive. I would not push my kid around, but I would not let him/her get away with whatever he/she does. I would use postitive reinforcement, occasional rewards, etc. I would never use physical punishment (hitting, slapping, spanking, etc.), for those just temporarily suppress misbehavior, and they can cause negative side effects in some kids (aggression, fear and resentment of parents, teaching that violence is the answer, etc.). I would also thouroughly research the issue of rasing kids before I had any, and I would take some of those parenting classes.
As for school, I would let them go to public school, but I would teach my kids to question things so they don’t get brainwashed.
I would not force my kids into Atheism (I am an Atheist). I would let them think about things and decide on what they want to believe in. Unless they end up supporting ideology of things like racism, Fascism, Stalinism, etc., I won’t interfere with their beliefs.
According to a few studies the best way to raise a child (if you want them to behave the way you want them to I should say) is not to be too strict nor too lenient with them but to punish them when need be and (the most important part) explain why you are punishing them. This is supposed to be the most effective way to make them internalize your moral teachings (or your morals).
I seriously doubt that any public school can or would force children under penalty of law or other punishment to the say the Pledge of Allegiance. Is this in fact a doable thing? Can schools do that, by force?
You really seem to loathe America, but you’re still here! a state of affairs that never ceases to fascinate me.
You could argue that whilst they don’t physically force the children to say it, they do put in place the circumstances whereby the child has to opt out of saying it. If not in a physical sense, then it is obviously the case that most children do say it and it’s portrayed as the normal thing to do in school’s, therefore the child has to deviate from the norm if he/she doesn’t want to say it.
I pledge allegiance
To the flag
Of the United States of America.
Wow. I pledge allegiance.
To a flag.
Yeah. Well, you men have a point, I suppose.
See, that’s why I don’t like this place (j/k ). It makes a man think too damn much!
Why, I never even thought to question whether I existed or not until I came across threads in the Philosophy forum which called this simple, grounded assumption in question.
Now, I’m not even sure if this is real, or that is real, or, or…!!
Hey… First off, yes they do force you to pledge your allegiance to America. They did it to me. Not under penalty of law. First graders don’t go to jail. But they WILL take disciplinary measures in the school if you don’t. If you ask me, that practice is no different then when they used to force kids to pray in school.
Jello Biafra wrote:
I’m tired of kissin’ ass
I can’t sit still all day
You know I know your school’s a lie
That’s why you dragged me here
‘You’re a hyperactve child
You’re disruptive, you’re too wild
We’re going to calm you down
Now this won’t hurt a bit’
Drag me to the floor
Pullin’ down my pants
Ram a needle up my butt
Put my brain into a trance
‘No more hyperactive child
Got too much of a mind
Wouldn’t you rather be happy?
Now this won’t hurt a bit’
Cameras in the halls
No windows, just brick walls
Pledge allegiance to a flag
Now you will obey
Anyways, I don’t loathe America. I just don’t like what America is doing or the system under which it is running, it’s foreign policies, or most most of the laws, or the system of mass media that is brain washing American citizens and only completely owned by five different elite corporations. However, a country, in essence, is none of those things. A country is a land and it’s people. I like the land and people of the U.S. I just think the system is terrible, and unfortunately, people are largely products of the system from which they come. Those things which I do not like about this country, however, are subject to change. Should they change, I believe that the people would also change and become more caring in attitude. As it is, I personally think that either America needs to change, or end up on a one way path to destruction. They are not all powerful, and they will soon find that out. I am no prophet or anything wacko like that, but history has my back on this one.
So to sum up what I said in an earlier post. The question was directly presented “Why wouldn’t you raise your kid in America” I had to post a response on that because I have, in fact, sworn to never raise kids here in America. So to answer you about still being here, John. The second I decide that I am ready to raise kids, I am outta here!
There are many things wrong with the pledge of allegiance. It was designed to reinstate traitors (namely confederates) back into the union. But let’s disect it:
I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of America
Ok, obvious problem here. Six year olds do not need to be pledging their allegiance to ANYTHING, much less the United States. Are they going to be held on their word, or are we just breeding liars? Either way it’s not a good scenario.
And to the republic, for which it stands
The United States is not a republic. Most know them as a “representative democracy”, lovingly referred to as biparty fascism.
One nation, under God
Under God? Under which God? Under whose God? What exactly is "over God then? The earth is constantly moving, so is God constantly moving with it, or are we only sometimes under God? Anyway, I find it offensive that they attempt to program such theological assumptions into our children
Indivisible
Nope, we have states
With liberty and justice for all
Nope, see patriot acts and Guataunamo bay. If that isn’t sufficient enough, study our foreign policy for the past 50 years. It should really say “with liberty and justice for a few”
I really hate how they make our very small children who know nothing of what they are saying say this stuff. As they get older in school, they stop making them say it. Why? Because the minds of young children are psychologically imprintable, and they are not old enough to decipher those words for themselves and come to a clear evaluation. Most things that are deeply imprinted into our unconscious minds, are imprinted at very early ages. The younger a child, the more maleable his or her unconscious is. Studies have shown this again and again. If they were to continue forcing kids to say the pledge throughout high school, eventually a bunch of kids would start to seriously question the practice. Since they stop before then, everybody generally forgets about the whole thing, which is perfect for subliminal programming. John, you didn’t even seem to notice the audacity of it until my evaluation of it forced you to analyse it. That means that you had never really thought of it before, only said it. Which means that you probably said it over and over when you were a small child, and never knew what it meant. Only recently did it’s full comprehension come under your scrutiny, at which point you seem to have found certain aspects of it appalling.
When Bush says that God is on the side of the U.S., and millions of cheering people agree with him, somewhere in their minds, likely there is still droning on the phrase “under god, indivisible”. Even the way they say the pledge is similar to the way in which a hypnotherapist speaks. It seems people in America are so skeptical about the whole subliminal campaign that is going on here that they just refuse to believe their own eyes. But if you analyse everything fairly with much scrutiny, there is plenty of evidence that there are, in fact, subliminal techniques being used to manipulate the masses. It’s really not that hard to believe if you research the subject. Subliminals DO work. Research has proven that. The American government has had obvious interests in such techniques since WWII. Now, in it’s mass media, if you know what to look for you can find subliminal after subliminal over and over. And why shouldn’t you? There is no law preventing them from doing this.
America’s a great place to raise children, schools with lots of money, good hospitals, lots of crap nobody really needs but still love to have, clean water, relatively clean air, good roads, pretty decent traffic laws, relatively good police force (less corrupt than many), good museums, municipul parks and swimming pools and lots of other great stuff. That’s why, no matter the disagreements I have with the current regime, American foreign policy or capitalism, I still love this country. The pledge of allegience thing has always pissed me off though, did you know “under god” wasn’t added untill shortly after they banned prayer in the schools, and shortly after that the supreme court ruled that the school couldn’t officially punish a student for not reciting the pledge.
But back to one of the original questions, whenever a child is exposed to something like violence or sex on television, movies, etc… it’s important that you explain to him/her in terms they can understand exactly what they just saw, or else they’ll just make something up… and that can be harmfull. Especially make sure to explain that if it was something that happened in a fiction that it was not real, and if it was something on the news…well that’s just a really big can of worms.
Don’t be afraid to lie to a kid. For example, if a child’s father when to prison for selling crack, or just plain ran off say that he died in a war, or on a space shuttle or something, kids need positive role models. Even when it comes to, “where do babies come from?” feel free to lie a little if thier too young to understand, then when they’re older and the whole thing about the storke doesn’t add up anymore, fill in the blanks.
Kids need responsibilites, like chores but remember to award them when they fulfill their responsibilites.
Diet is very important, American children are in pretty bad shape because we haven’t recognized this untill now, studies have shown that if you put too much emphasis on restricting their candy and desert intake they will percieve deserts as a guilty pleasure that they will indulge later on and can lead to obeisity. Just plain don’t have alot of junk food around, make healthy fruits and vegetables easily available as snacks, it’ll build good habits.
Make sure they brush their teeth, I really wish my parents had made a stronger point of this, but they have pretty bad teeth too.
And I think it’s okay to allow them to look silly and wear their Halloween costume to school in July, don’t put too much pressure on them to worry about what others will think or say. Children aren’t supposed to worry about what other people think of them.
Most importantly, expose them to many different kinds of games, musical instruments, sports, etc…