Thinks don’t excite me like they used to. I’ve seen all there is to see. All that’s left, is to build.
These are not the golden years. I don’t see whats so good about it. I mean, I feel like a museum. I don’t even have an interest in smash brothers anymore. I only view it as a curiosity, like an art piece at a museum. There is no special spark to it for me. I am no longer overwhelmed by the glamour of fantasy. Things are just a museum piece, nothing more. I am only here to enforce the voice of reason, and rationality. I am not carried away by the hubub.
For instance, there is this guy who is as old as me. All he does is play Smash Bros everyday. He wants to be the number 1 player of Smash Bros in his state. All he does is post videogame songs on his facebook everyday. How can someone do this? It is so repetitive. I would have expected for him to vary it up by now, do something new, but its been the same routine for him for years. Yawn. He never even does anything creative, like make his own videos, other than uploads of him playing Smash Brothers or talking to friends about trivial things.
My physical sensation has litterally declined. There is no more Mr. Piggy and playing with my toes. My childhood is dead. Things that used to scare me as a kid, my nightmares, the feeling I had when I had them…I actually enjoy feeling that way now, I feed off the same feelings which used to scare me. And the old feelings I used to enjoy, such as walking through a garden, bore me. I have been molded. I am an abnormality. I have become so molded that I have literally become an abnormality. I litterally enjoy the feeling of my old nightmares…I am a giant, a beast, a monster.
Was I turned this way by this world, or by the gap of my own ennui?