I have no friends ..where can I find likeminded people?

This has come to a head recently as I realized my cycle of behaviour goes- go a few months in isolation/solitude (I may still be around people but feel isolated and alienated from them) then start to hate myself and the world more and more. As it comes to around the 2 months mark I feel I have to get some release somehow and fall back on my old crutch of taking drugs. Feel respite for a couple of hours tops then feel way worse and more depressed kicking myself for days/weeks after for having taken drugs. Cycle repeats.

I realized that for a long time I’d actively been cutting negative influences out of my life while not also adding in positive ones. I falsely assumed that I could be completely autonomous which I now see is not the case ](*,) .

Thing is I find it really hard to find people I’m on the same level as. If they are intellectual that is a bonus but certainly not required (I find alot of intellectuals irritating as well). I just want to find a few cool, chill open minded types I could hang with now and then to shoot the shit. I do not know where to start though really- well I thought I’d try here for maybe a nugget of inspiration or two.

Most of the stupid wiki advice give trite and useless info like ‘go to social gatherings and smile’ or something equally empty. One ok suggestion was join some charity work stuff which is the best consideration I’ve read yet.

What else? I live in a big city but I don’t know where to go to find ppl who are up my st.

Granted I sort of gave up a long time ago and hadn’t been trying but now having come off my latest drugs binge I decided enough is enough and I have to sort this out.

In terms of hobbies I pretty much dropped all of those off too at the same time I was cutting people off but since new year I started learning violin. Violin is good but I am not sure how social it is in terms of meeting people rather than it just being a ‘student-teacher’ type dynamic- that is until you get decent. It would be good if there was an avenue there though cos I really enjoy it and would like to make that into a social activity.

It would preferably stuff I could do in the daytimes cos I do other things in the night and would want to compartmentalize.


Moved to HoQ.

You’re right, I think, in needing the anchor of society around you. Charity or volunteer work is a very good suggestion; depending on what sort of people you get on with, a sports or games club also enforces socialising (and attracts social people who make it all easier) more than learning an instrument. Otherwise, a book club might be an option.

Why not find interesting people to take drugs with? Many drug users are walking sacks of human garbage but the old adage that “90% of everything is crap” applies to people as well so what can you do? But by doing drugs with many different people you’ll eventually find people that are worth hanging out with.

Other hobbies work too, naturally. The idea is to use these things to meet people. Some of those people click with you well enough for you to hang out outside of the initial hobby-context and broaden into other things.

Another good approach is to see if you can start dating someone who has a fairly well-established social circle. It shouldn’t be too difficult to incorporate into that social circle. Sure, if/when you break up you know that they are all likely to side with the other party (if such a situation is called for) but like everything else (jobs, success, money, laughter, booze) it is easier to make friends when you have friends.

Internet is an easy haven for isolation, not just because the computer can’t directly jump up and punch you. It’s also because it does not reflect the nature of human tribalism and the nature of in-person conversation which is hardwired into our system. Tribalism is not esoteric, it is inside our DNA. In a forum, you can’t blurt, can’t interrupt, can’t create distracting actions, can’t walk out (but can just ignore) and all the other nuances that incorporate judgment and message delivery dynamic. If you do not join a tribe, your mind creates personna to fill that tribal gap. You become a lunatic in any point of re-entry (as is obligatory) in the social world. You will have formed yourself as your own tribe and others will see that something is amiss.

A cheap alternative is animals. People form a tribe with animals, and still occupy their intellect over internet. Their interaction in the social world can seem somewhat stable, though nobody wants to get too close to the “crazy cat lady.”

Fraternities of a religious and dogmatic nature are sometimes ideal, because they can offer doctrine instead of all the tribal nuances. One out of touch with social nuances can now simply adhere to basic rules. “I read the bible, I regurgitate the material, I attend my mandatory sermons – therefore, I am a member of the religion and therefore the local tribe.”

Sometimes I think group therapy is created primarily for this purpose. “We are derelict yet in need of a tribe, therefore we gather with a more sane supervisor to keep us copacetic.”

Outside of these 3 options, I don’t see much of any other solution for reintegration. It seems particularly adverse to “get with the program” when the program fundamentally seems insane in the first place. So that’s what critique is for. Hopefully it will lead to affirmative action and not just venting. But with that said: Get with the program, otherwise you’re just a fucking nut. :smiley: Have a nice day.