Hi peeps,
I need your help.
I am currently a student and I am quite unhappy.
I have been through many changes since the age 15 moving from France from a farm to England. This caused me great grief as I couldn’t find opportunity, warmth and the experience/exploration I was thirsty for. From the ages of 15 and 19 I have tried with great determination and fights to find what I had lost in France in the UK.
I had moved to another town when I was 18 and found happiness there as the people there were great and normal.
After all the change and finally feeling happier, I had to choose a university course. I chose to do European Studies(I enjoy politics and philosophy and the place seemed really authentic, it suited to my needs) close to my town at Reading university. I really liked the place and felt at home there but the problem is that deep down I wanted to move out but my parents told me that it would be wise to stay at home to save money. I never seemed to convey what I wanted to say without fighting my head off. Thinking I was acting like an adult by letting go, I stayed at home but in fact I just spent most of my time being the dog of the household, I felt again encroached, it frustrated me and I didn’t think the situtation was right. I spent a year failing the course I use to dream of doing.
I have now moved away doing a different course at a different university (not so good) but I keep waking up every morning feeling I should not have failed my year. It’s like having a big rock in my head or water wanting to spill out but it can’t. I seem to have 2 personalities. One is determined independent, happy, intelligent, laid back and feminin/comfortable with my own gender and the other is conformist unhappy not assertive and out of place. I feel completely stuck as it’s impossible to turn back the clocks.It’s like there are seeds in me which were waiting to burgeon but now the earth has covered them and it’s all too late. Is this the super ego telling me off? There is someone in me that is beautiful happy, intelligent, a real woman.
I feel devastated and I wished I was at Reading right now, I wished I had moved out. I want all my talents to show and the real Me to flourish, but this life denies it and makes it mean nothing.
It’s been a year now that I think about it. The course I do now feels very monotonous and dry. I feel incomplete. just broken. like a surface of glass around me. I’m in a place which feels souless and chlostrophobic. I seem to worry alot about how I’m going to survive with all my goals vanished. I feel I can’t focus anymore like I used to and I feel stupid and detached. I still don’t feel integrated and feeling whole.
What do you think? Do I need to let go of all this romanticism? (something I feel tough to do, I can’t stand towns and modern life). I feel like going back home and getting a job caring for old people or something.
Do I need to adapt? ??? or do I need to be happy?
Thank you so much.
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All I can suggest you is whatever you do decide doing; it had better be rash.
You might find some answers to your questions here, if your case is similar:
or, have a high regard for incorporating your guilty feelings:
astrohoroscope.info/ru/uchitel6.htm
these are words of no inconsequence.
Hi, sounds to me like you already know the answer…
Suki 
who has the right to tell you that you cannot make the choices that will make you happy? Who??
“No one” is the answer. No one has that right.
You parents obviously care about you, but they are NOT you. They may know what is right for them, but only YOU can feel and know what is right for you. You will not grow as a person unless you take risks to follow your own heart. Think it thru, and then you must TAKE ACTION.
You can balance following your dreams and also being responsible for the future. It seems like you just need to really go back to the drawing board and rethink what you want in the future and what you want now, and balance them.
Life is to be lived. Don’t sell your soul, for any price. 