Perhaps this would be impossible to know until you face it, but how about some feedback anyway. Imagine you went to the doctor today and the tests revealed you have about 1 month of reasonably good quality of life left, then it gets really ugly. She said your illness won’t become profoundly grave for at least 1 month, perhaps a bit more.
What would you want to do with it? Sure, there’s the shock/denial/anger/ acceptance thing, but how would you want to face the end?
Ultimately, we’re all in this position. None of us know how we’ll die or how much time we have left. Would it be liberating to have at least the illusion of knowing the day and hour? [I say illusion because you could still get hit by a bus as you reel dazed from the doctor’s office…]
I would probably just live the cliche: spend time with everyone dear to me, perform good deeds whenever possible and designate special individuals as the heirs of my most prized posessions. I would induldge by smoking ciggarettes non-stop, by completely succumbing to all my food cravings and by consuming any mind-altering drugs I might come across. Other than that, I cannot possibly predict the impact of soon-impending death on my pscyhe, attitude and worldview. That is definitely a side of myself that I hope I will not encounter for many years.
I’d put on some purple spandex, and go after some amoral scumbag who’d escaped the law - and drag him/her down to hell with me.
Though I’d probably leave the wife a goodbye note first. And arrange for flowers to mysteriously arrive on the doorstep on the advent of my death for the next 20 years…
Uhhh, Tab, are you sure about the purple spandex? Looked in a full-length mirror lately? Amoral scumbags… you need to specialize a bit. Taking that many souls to hell might leave the world under-populated - for centuries.
I think I’d probably spend my month celebrating my death. I’d have lot’s of well-wishers!
Ide rob a bank, rape really hot women (if the “im gona die in a month” routine doesn’t get me in their pants), try every single drug, and if I particularly like any, continue to… try it… Ide go bungie jumping, sky diving, ide steal a super nice fast car and lead the police on a chase they wont ever forget… Hows that for moral you bastards! I didn’t mean that… The bastards part, the rest is sincere…
I would be preoccupied with one soooothing thought:“At last, in a month I’m free from the drudgery of life. What a relief! No more hard philosophical thinking (useless, by the way) why, why I’m here?”
I would get rid of the lengthy journal under my mattress, and delete all evidence of my truth-telling on my computer. I would eat chocolate truffles, coffee ice cream, double-cheese pizza, and write long letters to my children. I would compose a song on my piano for them. I would indulge in the one thing that I shouldn’t.
May I ask you something without offending you? Do I have a filty, dirty mind or is the picture under your name what I think it is? Help me out here, would ya?