If the world turns to anarchy or doomsday or any other type of chaotic movement, I will only add to the confusion.
There is nothing about this planet that I find holy or sane or precious. I hope the bomb blows me out of bed and into eternity. Does that sound pessimistic, cuz I’m really a happy person. I just think everything is absurd.
What do I base this babbling on: the fact that we’ve been here (supposedly) for millions of years and nobody has a clear explanation for anything.
reason is sickness. We are faced with an illusion. You cant reason your way out of it.
cowboy boots. boxers. singing out loud. look for me.
Anyway, sometimes I consider myself a “Writer.” Even when I quit in my mind and say, “I never want to write again” I have these dreams where I’m organizing the images I’m seeing into written material.
The other night I’m organizing these images, saying to my dream self
“this is good material, this is going to be sensesational, world shaking material,” and the wierd thing is my dream self feels how good it is/will be and I agree that the images are going to be a sucess.
Then I wake up and realize how bad those ideas are, how they have no potental of selling to the book buying public. I realize how much an illusion my dream was and I think to my waking self how much an illusion my ideas are when I’m awake by comparision.
If you followed what i just wrote, you have a lot of patience.
No, the fact that you have to communicate this to others prooves to me you’re not crazy and you seek attention like the rest of us. To get attention you have to conform, so sorry, you’re not crazy. You’re a regular schmoe like the rest of us.
Yep, sorry to say, the world makes sense on small scales, but once you scale up, it makes less and less sense.
Why do I eat, because I am hungry, DA!
Why do I want to survive? Because I know what survival is like, but not death.
Why do I want to have sex with lots of girl? It feels good.
Why are we here? Beats me.
Why do I do everything I do, because my alternatives don’t interest me. The world makes sense, does it have meaning on larger scales? nope. Does it have meaning on smaller scales? yes. Does this make it absurd? Only if you need meaning on the larger scale.
To be legally insane you neen to have a persaption of yourself that makes you uanawre of the conciquences of your actions or choices. having said that there is a catch 22 where in the legal system if you are sane enough to think your insane you are naturally sane since those who are insane never question their sanity.
by saying you are insane you simply proved you are sane and troubled.
I share your sentiments.
One day I weas eating at a tapas bar, munching a piece of chicken, and bit on a bone. I looked what it was and it was the animal’s spine.
I looked at the incredibly intricate structure and was appalled that this, me biting it and don’t liking that, was, aparently, the final purpose of this work of unimaginable genius, the cerebral chord of this animal. Completely absurd.
I started thinging in what kind of scheme this purpose could be explained, andI came up with a word in dutch; ‘doorcreeren’ - meaning both ‘creating-through’ and ‘‘creating-onward’’
I saw that I myself was as pointless as the chicken, when it will come down to what I am, strucutrally, biologically, psychologically - it’s all just a bunch of meat nerves and bones, just dispensable stuff. But what felt real at that point, and still does, the act of creating outside of myself. I am completely irrelevant, and my creations will also be; the only sensible thing is the only constant in the universe; the formative act itself.
From that moment on I rearranged my priorities so as to aim only at being occupied with creating-onward, instead of being happy, prosperous, good or making sense of life. I began seeing my’‘self’’ only as a tool for the universe to do what it’s always done; make new stuff out of it’s components. No matter what, as long as the act absorbs my attention. That requires I do something at which I’m talented.
So only completely dedicating oneself to one’s talents, would, in this view, not be absurd. Every focus on one’s personality or life, or on the world, philosophy, psychology, etc - is completely pointless.
I later realized this means that, in procreation, the sex act is the essential thing. It seems the universe agrees; the reality of the sensation overrules the anxiety of the absurdity. The pregnancy and the shaping of the childs personality can be seen as extentions of this, we see this confimed in the extatic trance of a pregnant woman, the wonder of a newborn child and the absorbtion of the parents into the learning process of their young child.
When the kid is shaped into ‘someone’ and becomes self aware, his existence becomes pointless, and can only be non absurd when he is(pro)creating.
Excellent post. Those little moments, when you cant believe you’re looking out of this meat sack.
If anything you’re post made me realize that we all share in the strangeness. Sometimes I think that’s what art is about, communcating the alienation, asking the question, “is this as strange for you as it is for me.”
I get the feeling you’re not, and doubt even that you were diagnosed as such, or that you see a shrink who knows what the fuck he is talking about anyway if he did.
What I sense is another person who thinks its cool to be insane. I see your picture. You’re as ordinary as they come. I’m not convinced.
You make light of a situation as serious as schizophrenia…crack a few jokes about it…and pose like one.
While those who are sick are in a hell you cannot possibly imagine.
You should taste schizophrenia. Then you might understand then.
Google the name “Geral Sosbee.” Have a look at his site. Is this man a rational man who is being gaslighted? Is he schizophrenic? How would you know? You couldn’t…until it happened to you. But do continue making a mockery of it, by all means.
If you are truly interested in these matters, I could tell you a few theories that would blow your mind. Theories that involve this site, other sites, secret Nazi cult societies, Satanic groups…and finally a team of ghosts that are fighting against them, baiting them, and have been for years…waiting for the correct moment to drop the bomb and wipe them out, their families included. (Hi guys…[wink])
The CIA and FBI are powerless against both groups. The law is irrelevent here.
Consider that behind the scenes on this internet and at these sites, there are things going on that would truly shock you. Be thankful you are not a subject of these games.
Well, you might be right about the insane coolness thing, cuz all my heroes are mentally insane, rumored to be insane, hermits, and have tried suicide or gone through with it and are dead. I dont know what I find cool about it other than they seemed fixed in their ideas and were in many ways opposed to something in society.
I can appear ordinary and nobody would now about my diagnoisis unless I told them. My ideas are a bit out there, I just wish to express them more than other people and I dwell on those wierd ideas quite a bit.
The only other thing I can say is that I’m harmless. People view mentally ill people as dangerous to others. I’m more of a danger to myself than any other person. I rarely leave my house. I’m very anti social, but I know how to mix in with people too. So there you have the duality of man I guess. I could give you examples of my unstable behavior but that might be too much information.
Anyway, I’m an artist, and mentally sick goes with the territory, accepts you as a member of the club. I can’t say that its cool, but it is appealing to me. Make fun of me, if you wish, I’m masocistic and am indulged by the insults. Thanks.
DOWN IS THE NEW UP!!!
p.s. I’m reading that Sosbee article, and are you implying the government makes people, intelligent people, think they are mentally disabled?
