Impious Proverbs

And Impious spake, and he spaketh these words, and thus spake Impious:

“Wo unto thee, for it is easier for a camel to pass a needle than it is to enter unto heaven without me”

And the people spaketh “Jeepers!”

And the camels spaketh “Ouch!”

“And wo unto thee, for I am the bread of life, and the butter also, and the water and the wine and the cheese, and whoever shall come to me shall not hunger or thirst, except for the wine, which is expensive. You gotta really put out for that.”

And the people spaketh “We come to you for bread.”

And the gay men said, “We’ll take brie”.

And the women said, “We’ll put out!”

And the children said, “Is it american cheese? Not the really yellow kind, but the white kind?”

And Impious smote the children and gave the gay men brie and then went upstairs with the women. And this was ever after called the Stairway to Heaven.

And no one wanted the butter, so Impious kept it.

And then he spoketh again and said:

“I am the light of the world, and he who follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have eternal light. And butter, evidently.”

And the people said: “We still don’t want any butter.”

And then he spaked again and said, “And he who does my work is my brother and sister and mother.”

And the people sayeth: “We are confused, now.”

And so Impious said: “If you would be perfect, then sell all you own, and give me the money, and ye shall be in heaven, and poor, real fast.”

And the people did so and saw Impious’ wisdom and said, “Can we have that butter now? For we want to make sandwiches.”

And Impious spaketh and said “No, but I know where you can get some Miracle Whip. Get me a tuna salad on rye while you’re there.”

And the people went away, and Impious spaketh no more.

Hmm. Maybe I should have left it at ‘I am the Anti-Christ!’

Well, I guess that means I’ll retract the two-week notice I gave Smears. I think he was drunk at the time, anyway. Prolly doesn’t remember it.

Faust you’re dead on. When did you give this notice? I need to start coming here as soon as i get sober and searching for my name. I can’t keep up with all this insanity. Things are moving waaaay to fast right now.

Ooh, ooh, me, me, me, how about me, faust? I don’t really have anything to go on but I figured since you are familiar with me, you might come up with something.

Ha, Stairway to Heaven. Don’t forget the butter.