Is Intelligence Attractive?

What’s your opinion?
Is intelligence attractive?

I will admit I like long interesting conversations. Don’t really care for perfect vocabulary or complex words, but the ability to talk about almost anything is awesome. I think it has gotten to a point where I can just sit back and listen in awe…probably because I think I’m learning something new. I think intelligence is attractive…

As a man I find intelligence attractive in a woman when it is coupled with emotional depth. I don’t mean intensity but the depth to see her insignificance. This is very rare and unrelated to self esteem. It is the emotional realization of ones insignificance and emotional hypocrisy in relation to ones potential as a human being. It is the rare unification of intelligence with humility that seeks the same in others.

If the most gorgeous woman in the world has nothing much to say, I’m not that interested (depends on context, of course…if I’m at a party looking to get laid, I can look past that flaw…Of course, speaking in the present tense is misleading, as I’ve been married for a number of years and thus it doesn’t apply (at least the getting laid part…but if I’m at a party I still enjoy talking to, flirting with, and dancing with the most beautiful women there (old habits and all…); but if they have nothing to offer in terms of intelligence, I’m outta there…and of course, a sense of humour is a big must for me).

In fact, a couple of years ago I met an extremely attractive woman and we hit it off immediately (she knew I was married). She eventually admitted she was falling for me and she was amused/resentful/thrilled with the reason: She almost exclusively dated “power brokers” such as lawyers, CEOs, brokers, and the like. They were always BIG, “powerful,” usually good looking, and ALPHA MALES, all of which turned her on. But the other thing that turned her on was knowing that these “poweful” men, all of whom were pretty smart, were all intellectually inferior to her (she was VERY smart).

Now, with all due modesty, I am not unattractive at all and sort of big (6’1, 190-200 lbs, fit). But from what she said, I was physically smaller than they were (the looks part was fine b/c sometimes she went for guys whose lack of looks were compensated for by extreme alpha maleness/power/wealth…besides, I’m actually not bad!!!). And I am in NO WAY an alpha male like they are (rude, ruthless, bloodthirsty, power mad, backstabbing, do anything to get to the top). But she knew I was an alpha male in my own way, and she saw how other men react to my “just being me” approach…and how I responded back (again, not a typical alpha male, but intellectually and verbally and humour-wise I was dominant). And THAT turned her on a lot. But the biggest thing that turned her on, after she finally got over admitting to herself that it was true, was that I was actually more intelligent and knowledgable in our field than she was…OHHHHHHH how she HATED to admit that! She told me she struggled with that one for a LONG time, and in fact, even though we hit it off great at first, there was a little pocket when things got frosty–that was the time when she was in a crisis over this admission.

I know it might sound funny, but it’s true. She was actually “going crazy” over this. She had never met any man she was attracted to in any way who was smarter than she was, and this was a big thing for her. But she finally learned to accept it. Then she had to deal with the other issue of my marital status. But, as I mentioned in another thread, in such cases I am not afraid to discuss things, which is what we did. I’ve never regretted getting married (at least I keep telling myself that… :wink: ), but this was one time I DEFINITELY regretted not being single.

So, with that little back-patting, ego-inflating trip down memory lane, I can say that intelligence is huge for me, as it was for this stunningly beautiful, highly intelligent woman…

  • Intelligence is very attractive at first, but sooner or later you’ll just want someone who’ll do the damn washing up… :smiley:

    10 years of marriage talkin’ here - Don’t you go taking me lightly now…!

(It’s late, I’m tired, I’ll edit you a more ‘intelligent’ reply later… :wink: )

Actually, my last story is the first one that came to mind b/c intelligence played such an important role in the dynamic. But after reading another post, I realized that intelligence alone is not enough–being comfortable enough with herself that she doesn’t need to flaunt her intelligence or use it to overcompensate for some underlying inferiority she has but can’t acknowledge is a HUUUUGE turn-off…I remembered, reflecting on that story, that one of the biggest attractions (aside from that killer body and gorgeous face) was the competitiveness we shared, always trying to out-do each other…it didn’t matter if we were discussing some work or flirting, we were always competing with each other (again, the period of frost was when she was struggling with the realization that she was NOT going to “win”–and in fact at that time there was absolutely no competition, just a chill…). But she NEVER had that quality of being able to BE HERSELF…to be able to make GENUINE self-effacing comments (as opposed to the kind designed to serve some other purpose)…to make a mistake or to make a fool of herself and laugh at the whole thing…No, she was so insecure that she never let her guard completely down, no matter how close we got. Though I guess she DID put herself on the line making that admission to me…

(god forbid she ever read this :astonished: …nah…)

I didn’t believe so when I was younger, but now it is perhaps the main thing I look for when evaluating the opposite sex. As I have grown older and thought about finding that special someone to settle down with, I want her to be intelligent, that way I know the kids will at least be half smart. :stuck_out_tongue:

How does someone not flaunt their intelligence? Speak in monosyllables?

What do you mean? I don’t get it. Please expl…errr…please tell me what you mean…

Speaking of intelligence, or lack thereof, I just realized that my sentence from a previous post was the opposite of what I had intended to state:

But after reading another post, I realized that intelligence alone is not enough–being comfortable enough with herself that she doesn’t need to flaunt her intelligence or use it to overcompensate for some underlying inferiority she has but can’t acknowledge is a HUUUUGE turn-off…

SHOULD have read:

But after reading another post, I realized that intelligence alone is not enough–being comfortable enough with herself that she doesn’t need to flaunt her intelligence or use it to overcompensate for some underlying inferiority she has but can’t acknowledge, which is a HUUUUGE turn-off, is also a must…

[author’s comment: I really am an idiot…took me 10 tries to get the colour and everything correct in that last paragraph… :blush: ]

What are signs of intelligence flaunting? Perfectionism could just be an example of an anal retentive personality, no?

True, GCT, but that’s not what I meant. I’m trying to think of an example: Ummm…it’s a kind of arrogance…a kind of putting on airs…a kind of putting others down to elevate oneself…a bragging about how smart one is…I’m talking about overtly expressing such things (as opposed to my simply inferring them in the person).

Intelligence sure doesn’t hurt. That and a nice rack.

Intelligence in guys is very attractive. I get turned-off easily by males (attraction or not) who are obviously dumb.

It is almost like, guys wear their intelligence on their faces—one can see it almost right away. I don’t know about our five gentlemen at the top of this page, right next to the ILP.com—I mean if we use them as examples, maybe you guys will say I am wrong, because they don’t look like they wear their intelligence on their faces. But maybe the lighting was bad when the photos were taken. I don’t know. Maybe we should add Derrida on the line up to liven up the freeze.

Anyway, in real life, I’ve seen lecturers/professors/instructors who were not necessarily attractive but clearly intelligent, and they are fun to be with.

Well I have heard it said that Socrates resembled Porky Pig, and Marx looks like a Lion. To me, Witty looks intense, Russel looks like an eccentric, and Nitchy looks like someone posing at something.

In high school, I observed one of the most intelligent females I have ever known, the school’s valedictorian, cheat on a biology test. She didn’t have to do it. Looking back on it now, considering how obvious she was about it, I think she wanted to appear less intelligent to her classmates. Being bright probably cost her female friends and attention from immature males. That is my theory now, anyway.

At least pigs and lions are intelligent animals. :stuck_out_tongue:

People have no control over who they are attracted to.

My younger sister actually bought fake glasses (she has slightly better than 20/20 vision) in an attempt to look smarter! :confused: I don’t say this as a refutation of GCT, but rather to offhandedly confirm it. I got slammed into a locker every week or two in high school for blowing up the bell curve on some test or another. It’s sometimes better to suppress “the gift,” but I was contrarian enough back then to just defiantly continue to go on my way. The smartest girl in my class was loathe to ever let on that she was smarter than almost everyone else.

High school is an evil institution. :stuck_out_tongue: