Im dating a brand new guy for about a month now. He seems to treat me pretty good. Theres a couple of things that Im not sure about though so I thought Id run them by you:
He doesnt seem to spend a lot of money on me. I honestly dont care cause im not a goldigger but I mean…for instance, when we last went out, he bought me fries and a soda…he doesnt give me flowers or gifts, Im just wondering if this is a bad sign? He has never taken me anywhere nice…we always just get cheapish food at cheapish places…does this mean hes not that into me? Its not like hes broke or anything like that either…
I told him about the weird dream I had where I dreamed he left to another country. He laughed it off and said “No, Im staying here for a while.” I nervously laughed but thought…wait…does that mean he is gonna leave after a “while”???
Um so ya those are my biggest worries right now…he says he loves me and treats me pretty well other than this…what do you think???
My theory is that if he is buying you all cheap food and you have had sex, he is into you because he is at least taking you somewhere. If he is buying you cheap food but you have not has sex, he feels kind of, “Take it or leave it,” about you.
alright its been a month. no we havent had sex. last nite he actually gave me some 2 month old candy thats been sitting in his kitchen. he also talked about how hes saving up to travel somewhere someday. Maybe hes not that into me?
It means he’s some sort of saint of a man for putting up with a month without sex and your tendency to obsess over little things. Or it could mean that you’re incredibly hot.
It does mean that’s he’s not that into you, but he could become that into you. It’s a cost/benefit analysis like anything else. He’s not willing to endure a high cost if he is not entirely sure of what the benefit is.
how can this work? i mean im weighing him out too. so if u have two people sitting bacjk and being stingy because theyre both weighing it out, its not gonna go anywhere. i think this is why traditionally men are sposed to make some effort so that the girl can decide and then the guy can decide as well based on how fun the effort was…
In all honesty, though, I consider a situation such as that to be somewhat ideal.
Think about this, do you think that after you’ve been married to a dude for fifteen years that he is still going to bring you flowers and candy and take you out to $100 dinners on a bi-weekly basis? With the exception of special occasions, I’m going to say no. The sweet-nothings are also no longer going to be whispered on a daily basis, hell, I only bed my wife three-four times per month and there’s nothing wrong with that.
Essentially what you are doing is observing one another as you will be when the, “Fire,” burns out, but there is no fire in the first place, so you see yourselves as you will be in the future. Why love a lie? Why even like a lie? So, if someone treats you well-enough and you have shit to talk about with each other and you anticipate that it will stay that way for awhile, just keep doing what you’re doing.
Then you get to avoid all of the marriage counselling and the, “He just doesn’t love me anymore,” bullshit.
Am I suggesting that you settle?
Yes and no, is it not better to know what you are getting than to take a complete crapshoot in exchange for, what, maybe a year of bliss?
I’ve never really been a wooer, myself, with the exception of special occasions. I’ve always paid for dinners and everything, but I’ve never been into setting up surprises, so it’s always been discussed in advance where to go.
