it’s not enough that they stare,
at the wretchedness.
but you know they also laugh,
at the hopelessness.
you deny it, but you know.
they’re laughing always,
in secret conversations.
and what you’d give to be in on it all,
to be one of them,
to be anybody,
anybody at all, or nobody,
yes, maybe nobody at all.
to be able to lift your head
above the unceasing misery,
the despair they cannot ever know,
but you, they know.
they see right through.
it’s getting harder to deny it now.
they look away so quickly
when you risk glancing up at them
as you pass them,
that it’s as if they weren’t looking at all,
they’re so goddamn quick.
if you look down maybe they won’t see you,
deprive them of their chance to fix their eyes upon you,
or walk fast, maybe nobody will see you either,
or the tears,
or the trembling.
these you can’t deny.
you try to hold back the tears,
you try not to tremble.
but you’re dead from the trying.
how can anybody laugh at tears?
how can anybody laugh at fear?
walk faster now,
if you can just get home and rest in the dark,
away from them all,
away from the world,
in the dark.
until sleep comes, if it comes,
here at home,
where we’ll be all right.
where i know we’ll be all right.