Joke of the Day

A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and was on the verge of being burned out. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to change careers and become an auto mechanic.

He found out from the local technical college what was involved, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could. When the time for the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill.

When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%. Fearing an error, he called the instructor, saying, “I don’t want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wondered if there had been an error which needed adjusting.”

The instructor said, “During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark.”

The instructor went on to say," I gave you an extra 50% because you did all of it through the muffler."

:laughing: =D>

:laughing: :banana-dance: Now that brightened my morning

Is there something called a “muffler” than gynacologists use?

yeah, it keeps their ears warm

-Imp

Oh, so I should’ve read “muffler” as “muff”.

It rather ruins a joke if you have to explain it, but here goes: everything a gynacologist works on he has to access thru a relatively small opening, making the job a bit more difficult. Thus, the humorous idea of doing all the engine work by going thru the muffler is a play on that idea.

My idea is for others to add jokes to this thread.

I was recently sent an amusing one, that I think all the engineers in the crowd will appreciate.

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a man below. He descended a bit more and shouted, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

The man below replied, “You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet about the ground. You are between 40 and 42 degrees north latitude and between 58 and 60 degrees west longitude.”

“You must be an engineer,” said the balloonist.
“I am,” replied the man, “but how did you know?”

“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost.”

The man below responded, “You must be a manager.”
“I am,” replied the balloonist, “how did you know?”

“Well,” said the man, “you don’t know where you are or where you are going. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are exactly in the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it’s my fault.”

So a guy is walking down the street looking for a prostitute.

He finds one and asks, “how much?”

She says “$100”

He says, “ok”, then they walk into a alleyway behind a dumpster.

She’s getting ready and he dops his pants and starts jerking himself off.

The prostitute asks him, “what the hell are you doing?”

He says, “shit lady, for $100 you didn’t think I was going to let you have the easy one did you?”

:smiley:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uUY-OtbBKt8[/youtube]

Oh, that is such a good one…and true too (but of course not for all managers)…just in case…

[size=150]Why?[/size]

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are almost dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on ‘insufficient funds’ when they already know there is not enough money?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars; but have to check when you say the paint is still wet?

Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an ‘S’ in the word ‘lisp’?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that’s falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends – if they’re okay, then it’s you.

That was a great catharsis, thanks. We are very silly Earthlings, aren’t we? And we are so unaware of many things we do in life. But that was so funny…we can really laugh when the light goes on and we see ourselves the way we really are. :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

A Florida couple, both well into their 80s, go to a sex therapist’s office. The doctor asks, “What can I do for you?”
The man says, “Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?” The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.
When the couple finishes, the doctor says, “There’s absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse.” He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says good bye.

The next week, the couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees. This happens several weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave. Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says, “I’m sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?”

The man says, "We’re not trying to find out anything. She’s married and we can’t go to her house. I’m married and we can’t go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $98. The Hilton charges $139. We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare. :banana-dance:

:laughing: what’s up with that dog! :open_mouth:

Hypnosis by cup-cake :laughing:

The first sentient dog, perhaps! :astonished:

TRUE NEWSBREAK: West Virginia has the fourth lowest foreclosure rate in the country.

In related news, someone in West Virginia owns a house.

:laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: I actually laughed longer than that.

One question though…is it really the cupcakes that have him hypnotized. He seems to be looking beyond and above them. It’s almost like he had an afterthought…or maybe he has just become possessed by that devil on his left shoulder :imp: and then…:laughing: :unamused: :unamused: :unamused: :laughing: :laughing:

T’was very funny though.