late night musings

Philosophy Forums Philosophy
1

Once again, It is late and I am pondering this thing we call life. I have done so for almost 40 years
and I must admit I am no closer to an answer then I was in junior high school. I came to the realization
oh, 25 years ago or so, that life was meaningless. It has no point, no meaning. Evolution and Quantum
physics make this very clear. The usual answers of god, religion, work, family, made no sense and
I admit to this day, still make no sense in regards to creating meaning in our lives. I understood why Nietzsche
felt, “Having a gun next to my pillow helps me sleep” for the fact of the matter is, living out a meaningless
life is completely pointless. But guns make me nervous and so I took the long way home and tried to drink
myself to death. I drank my way through my twenties. I was in a bar 6 nights a week for over 10 years.
Soon I met a girl, and got a real job and became “responsible”, and yet always in the back of my mind lies this
thought that this was a meaningless existence. I buried this thought deep down, but try as I might, that old
nagging feeling came back. I don’t drink anywhere near as much because frankly there is no point to drinking,
except to forget and I haven’t been able to do that, so…So here I am at 2 in the morning and I know that
life is as meaningless as it was 49 years ago when I was born. Suicide is clearly not any kind of answer and there
is no forgetting no matter how I try, so I am at loss as to what’s next. I am unable to find meaning in work,
never found a job that gave me any kind of meaning, or god, that seems to be an cheap, easy answer which
doesn’t really solve anything. I feel a despair in me, not just for me, but for everyone because they are in
the same boat as me, only they don’t see it. God knows how they don’t, but they don’t see, feel it like I do.
Am I making the claim that I am some cheesy ubermensch? Not at all, I have no great gift to offer you or
anyone else. I am not a prophet, nor am I john the baptist. I exist as one man in a world that neither knows
nor care that I exist and I can live with that, because it won’t create meaning for me if the world knew
of my existence. Fame is just another idol we can do without. I reread some of my favorite books in hopes of
finding some glimmer of hope and I find none. WE are left with Nietzsche’s old problem which is,“how
to create meaning in a meaning less world, a world where god is dead” that is the eternal question, “how to find
Meaning” Some have called it salvation, I say potato and you say patato. the name means nothing. I am not
asking for your answers as to what is the meaning and purpose because frankly, I am closer then most of you
to the “truth” because I don’t claim to know anything. I can only ponder as to what might the answer be and
I can only hope to find it before I die.

Kropotkin

2

I sleep with loneliness every night. Sometimes she comforts me, but mostly she leaves me to myself.

3

Dude, you reminded me.

Last night I had the weirdest awakenings. I could hear something clicking from what sounded like behind the picture frame over my bed, but I wasn’t sure what it was. So, I just laid there and listened to it while staring at light patterning through the blinds in the front window.

Then suddenly I’m in a dream state and it’s an old senile, blind lady who comes to her daughter and says “The light is crawling on my skin; It crawls in my brain, and impregnates me. It is how you were conceived” and she’s like “No, mother. It’s just the roaches. They live in the walls and come out at night.”

I got scared. Interpret it for me. Is this some serious Freudian material?

4

I’d just be as hedonistic as possible and distract myself from the “meaninglessness” of life. It could be fun.

5

Now in my existential dilemma, I must understand the role of
society. Is my despair my own or does society have some role to play in it, good or bad.
Why exactly am I in despair?

it seems to me, I stand in opposition to the values deemed important by

society. I object to the profit based society because in the capitalist society, this drive
for profits devalues people. Profits are more important then people, whereas I believe people are
more important then profit. People are expendable in this drive for profits. Witness the business
that announces that it is laying off 10,000 people in a drive for “profitability”. people become expendable.

It is this opposition to society that has led me to this point. I am always in trouble at work because I refuse to
follow the corporate mantra. Why must I always defer to the big corporation? They employ me, they don’t own me.
but employment seems to suggest, at least to management, that they own me.

I stand in opposition to society because I do not believe in god or religion. To believe in god
is weakness to me. IF you accept god then you devalue yourself for god becomes the primary reason
for existence, the point of heaven is for the adoration of god forever. the individual is expendable in god’s
eyes, the bible is full of examples of people being expendable, becoming nothing more then a message for others.

I am left with a choice, if I embrace me, the corporation and god will punish me.
Why can’t I embrace me without being forced to starve to death or being sentenced to hell.
I have as much value as the corporation or god, why must I subsume my being for them.

My despair is because I am in conflict with society. A conflict I cannot win, a conflict I cannot
even draw. I must sacrifice myself for the ideals of society even if those ideals violate everything I believe
in because I am one person. the words that ring in my head are, “either you are for us or you are against us”.

I stand in opposition to society because I believe I have as much value as society or god.
The question becomes “now what”

Kropotkin

6

Peter, I don’t have any words of wisdom for you but I do want you to know that you are not alone in what you are feeling. Most of the people I work with, myself included, are right there with you in what you’re feeling towards your job and the company you work for. And yet we’re stuck, because we have mortgages to pay and groceries to buy.

If changing jobs is not an option for you, I hope you keep refusing to bow down to the corporate gods. It might not make a big difference in the grand scheme of things, but at least you’ll know you’re doing the right thing.

{For some reason the movie Matewan just popped into my head. If only corporate jobs could be unionized…)

7

A purpose & meaning in life has to be engineered by the dream-makers. There’s nothing to be proud about anymore or to wake up for post-2000…

Nothing is sacred. The drones need something to do, something to live for.

8

belief that people are more important than profits is a luxury…

-Imp

9

Assimilate or die PK.

10

Impenitent:belief that people are more important than profits is a luxury…

K: I do not see in any way shape or form how green pieces of paper have more
“value” then I do. the value of the dollar depends completely on how much value
people put on money. If they don’t trust or value it, the value goes down.
Right now the currency rate of the dollar is down all over the world and all
that means is people have little trust in the dollar, it has little value.

Money is just a thing and how can a thing
be more valuable then a living person? It would like saying that
shoes have more value then a person. How would that be?

In a corporation, a person is nothing more then a commodity, a means to making
money. I reject the view that I am nothing more than a commodity, a means to something else.

My despair resides in the fact that the world considers me a commodity whereas I am more then that.
my very existence gives me a value that is greater then profit or being a commodity.
My conflict with society is because I value myself much more then society values me.
this is an insight that gives humans a far greater value then any other insight.

Religion makes a person bow to god,
The state makes a person bow to the state,
society makes a person bow to society,
corporations makes a person bow to the corporation,

why should I bow to those that don’t respect me or value me.
they have the power and I only have a belief.

so the question still remains, “Now what”?

Kropotkin

11

A thing is more valuable than a person when that “thing” is a gun.

Bow to nothing.

12

Isn’t that an oxymoron?

13

“I must find a truth that is true for me . . . the idea for which I can live or die.”
–Soren Kierkegaard

Everyone creates their own truth, why not just find a passion and work towards that? Like say, bringing on a Socialist revolution :wink: I say that only because you seemed Socialist. Then there’s the Greek Tragedies and culture.

14

realunoriginal: Assimilate or “die” PK.

K: those two seem to be my only choices.
However I cannot abide with either choice. there must be a third road to travel.
Is this what mystics and philosophers have done for centuries, try to find that third road?
I am compelled to recall the one thought in the universe I know to be true,
that life is meaningless, it is a pointless affair. Do I travel down that
road trying to find a third way only to rediscover that life is meaningless.
Is the third road an attempt to find meaning in a meaningless universe?
this was Nietzsche’s goal and look where it got him.

It seems I have found socratic wisdom after all
by simple admitting I don’t know anything.

But once again, “Now what”?

Kropotkin

15

Mark090480: I must find a truth that is true for me . . . the idea for which I can live or die."–Soren Kierkegaard

K: and which idea is worth living for, dying for? The state? God? Profit? LOVE?
If I choose the idea, then once again, it’s me and my personal belief vs society.
I am trapped in this maze of no matter which way I turn, I am left with only
two choices, assimilate or die.

Now what?

Kropotkin

16

In every passionate pursuit, the pursuit counts more than the object pursued.

Only you know that.

Why is that a problem? Become the Overman.

17

Now what? … now you breathe. The breath is life and when you understand this fully, a third road opens.

18

Mark090480: In every passionate pursuit, the pursuit counts more than the object pursued.

K: does the pursuit count for more then the object pursued?
that doesn’t create meaning nor does that create the third road.
It simply say, I am going to while away my life on a pointless journey because
I can’t think of anything better to do.

M: which idea is worth living for, dying for?" Only you know that.

K: I have explored the world of ideas all my life. I have read everything I could about everything.
I spent years exploring religions, and more years of living as an anarchist.
I studied history, philosophy, politics, economics, science, literature, and even law.
I stand like Faust, with the knowledge of the ages, however unlike Faust, no devil to
make a deal with. I haven’t found an idea worth living for, little less worth dying for.

K: if I choose the idea, then once again, it’s me and my personal belief vs society."

M:Why is that a problem? Become the Overman."

K: creator of new values? and which values should I champion?
Honesty? freedom? Liberty? Truth, justice and the American way?
I can stand on my soapbox and say all of society is wrong and I am right,
then have a nice chat with the men in the white coats, for all the good it will do me.

I am like Nietzsche, facing the abyss and looking for some way to say yes as well as saying no.
The overman is really a young man’s wet dream. It sounds more impressive then it really is, kinda like sex.

Kropotkin

19

“Despair is the result of each earnest attempt to go throught life with justice, virtue, and understanding, and to fulfill their requirements.Children live on one side of Despair, the awakened on the other side.” - ‘Journey to the East’ - Herman Hesse

20

Who makes profits though?

To even look for “meaning” is a profoundly human thing.

life/the universe is inherently absolutely meaningless but humans are hopeless meaning generators - our mind seems only happy with pattern and narrative.

The only meaning though is created by us and usually by larger groups then one…

kpx