Hmm.
I dont have any children (yet). But I will tell you that I was raised differently.
For a good part of my childhood, my parents were rarely there because of work. I mostly was with my brother, and we never spoke. I hung out with a couple of my neighbors, but for the most part I was alone, playing bball, or on the computer, etc.
When my parents were home, they did sometimes discipline me, but being european immigrants, they did not know of grounding. Spanking was the method of choice, but even that only happened about twice in my life (for bouncing a ball in the house of all things).
Anyway. What I’m saying is that… I grew up in a very discipline-free environment. This had two consequences - I learned a lot on my own as far as behavior goes, I was a fairly responsible kid and did not feel a need to rebel against my parents when I became a teenager. However also, I lost respect for my parents disciplinary attempts (no spanking, but rather trying to use words when I was a teenager).
I was never much trouble in high school, I didnt smoke, I didnt drink, etc because I knew those were “bad”. My parents never told me not to smoke or drink (they never told me about sex either), but there was no controlling parent for me to rebel against. Anyway, I turned out okay ;]
I’m not a expert certainly, but it seems to me that a lot of teenage behavior stems from a stronger sense of self and a want to rebel against an “unreasonable” authority (im sure the hormones have something to do with it). Most parents, like in your example Bessie, wants their kids to follow their instructions “because I said so”… that is… you are the Supreme Arbitrer, and what you say is law. Kind of like a God figure, “dont ask why… its just wrong… so dont do it”.
I think there is a happy medium in where disciplanary action is not black&white “i said so”, and is also not “figure it out for yourself”, but rather a more meaningful communication. That being said, I’m sure this doesnt work with kids of all ages , but I think that should be the spirit of parental disciplinary action.
On the broader topic in the OP. There is a danger in a lot todays “PC parenting” to build a sense of entitlement, but as pointed out, theres a dangerous in “over-parenting” and building a neurotic drive. Games are very important I think in the development of a child. They promote creative thinking and a sense of accomplish that comes with skill-building. Trophies shouldnt be giving to the kids who lost the baseball games, but similarly they shouldnt be yelled at and called losers. If I were a coach, I would say “Hey, they were better. Next season, we’re gonna train harder and see if we can beat them” or whatever it is. A short-term focus not on that particular win or loss, but on long-term goals of becoming stronger.
thats my 2 cents.
It’s better to watch over your kid and let it see the eyes through the adult’s eye, than to hide it from the big, hard game, named ‘life’.