Life Commercial

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1

Tired of your brain ‘figuring stuff out’?
Tired of spending countless nights staring at thin peices of paper?
In today’s modern world the human mind must be bombarded and docile, do you really want to risk being in a big meeting and have your morality kick in?

I certainly don’t want to run the risk.

Hi, My name is Gobbo the monkey.

[World Renoun Information Consultant]

(Walking towards the Camera in a bad suit)

A few years ago I was just flat out tired of dealing with problems like ‘knowing why it wouldn’t work out with my girlfriend’ or ‘being part of the corporate culture’. I was tired of being an outcast in society, allergic to the herd mentality.

(Cutscene of a young Gobbo, head down and ashamed as the other kids laugh at a poem)

That’s when I ran into the good folks here at MetCo, together we developed a system that we feel to be the best answer on the market today, but also for the cheapest!

[Applause]

Scientifically engineered using the latest advances in our scientific department, we have formulated a special protein formula enriched with the rare bean oil of the Galopicosis Islands which will give almost immediate results, seen within days!

I know I know, you’re asking: But what’s the catch? Well I have to say, there is 1 catch… … And that’s that there is no catch!

[Applause]

(Man in audience stands up and camera zooms in fast)

“But wait a minute, how do we know that it’s safe?”

That’s the genius of the MetCo system, once you’ve taken the first dosage you don’t feel the need to worry about trivial questions such as ‘self health’ or ‘mental location’.

It is a once in a lifetime opportunity that we are offering you now, as certain law issues get resolved.

… ahh I don’t know where I’m goin with this

:smiley:

2

Haha

you could do the Chris Rock joke at the start of listings loads of symtoms:

cut to a lady on a horse or a man in a tub

are you hot?
are you cold?
Are you depressed?
Are you lonely?
Do your teeth hurt?
Do you go to bed at night and wake up in the morning?

They got that one! I got that. I’m sick. I need that pill!

Then YOU need: - L.I.F.E pill

3

Are they suicide pills?

'Cause suicide pills can get rid of all your life problems! =P~

Whether by you taking them yourself or by giving them to all your… uhh… problems. :wink:

100% money back guarentee all your life problems will be solved!

4

OG,

Ok, that’s weed you’re talking about and we all know it!

5

Nope

and who is that in your avatar?

he reminds me of aladdin for some reason

6

Looks like an annoyingly camp guy to me…

7

He is the (presumably very camp) presenter of a TV fashion show, isn’t he?

I have observed that unless you are an illiterate (preferably black) thug who pronounces the word ‘hot’ without the ‘h’ or the ‘t’ OR you are camp as a conservatory then you’ve got virtually no chance of becoming a BBC presenter. My TV is almost entirely populated by chavs and queers…

8

Whoever he is… hes annoying the shit out of me.

I dont watch TV much anymore, its full of shite… I used to like reality TV shows, until they brought out all this celebrity nicey nice crap. Strictly come dancing… no thanks.

9

but the kinks are great

-Imp

10

:astonished: What?

11

:astonished: What?

12

Tv is not full of shite. I could draw up a 6 hour a day TV plan using only those channels that are available for the cost of the license fee and not watch a single poor show. Of course, I have diverse interest and would happily spend an hour watching Channel 4 News or ‘Cosmetic Surgery ruined my Wife’ which is the most amusingly titled show I’ve seen in months.

The most recent reality TV show that I’ve heard about is something done by the BBC where a series of strangers (7 men and 6 women) have to compete against each other to produce a baby. The twist is that the show is fake and they are being duped. Now sadly they had to stop the show before any copulating took place so there are no bastard children of the BBC running around (which is what I’d liked to have seen - perhaps in a ‘truman show’ format) but nonetheless it’s an imaginative (if sick minded) demonstration of just how stupid the British public (particularly those aged 15-30) really are…

13

Mah, I can easily watch hours of TV with the basic 5 channels and remain amused. That isnt to say its not shite. I think Blockbusters are shite, but I still enjoy watching them.

14

"They put a parking lot on a piece of land
When the supermarket used to stand.
Before that they put up a bowling alley
On the site that used to be the local palais.
That’s where the big bands used to come and play.
My sister went there on a saturday.

Come dancing,
All her boyfriends used to come and call.
Why not come dancing, it’s only natural?

Another saturday, another date.
She would be ready but she’s always make them wait.
In the hallway, in anticipation,
He didn’t know the night would end up in frustration.
He’d end up blowing all his wages for the week
All for a cuddle and a peck on the cheek.

Come dancing,
That’s how they did it when I was just a kid,
And when they said come dancing,
My sister always did.

My sister should have come in a midnight,
And my mum would always sit up and wait.
It always ended up in a big row
When my sister used to get home late.

Out of my window I can see them in the moonlight,
Two silhouettes saying goodnight by the garden gate.

The day they knocked down the palais
My sister stood and cried.
The day they knocked down the palais
Part of my childhood died, just died.

Now I’m grown up and playing in a band,
And there’s a car park where the palais used to stand.
My sister’s married and she lives on an estate.
Her daughters go out, now it’s her turn to wait.
She knows they get away with things she never could,
But if I asked her I wonder if she would,

Come dancing,
Come on sister, have yourself a ball.
Don’t be afraid to come dancing,
It’s only natural.

Come dancing,
Just like the palais on a saturday.
And all her friends will come dancing
Where the big bands used to play." -Kinks

-Imp

15

It always gives me pleasure to create an annoying avatar!

The picture of a campy homosexual as my avatar provides a certain element of irony, hope you like it.

16

Irony?

17

Ah yes, the kinks… I like them. But I was refering to the crapy British relaity TV show.

18

i actually thought it was zenofeller… :blush:

19

xanderman,

What’s ironic is your attempt to sound intelligent with your laconic dunamisesque rip-off.

20

(scouse accent) Ere, calm down, calm down…