I just try to not be scared or mad when knowledge and honesty shatter my normality.
I feel too sober.
I feel nihilistic.
I feel like I don’t want to do any dumb shit, just for fun.
I also have memory and understanding of the nature of human bipolarity, and for this reason, I see a common ground at the end of all of my brighter and darker days.
I still feel out of place, though I refuse to waste my life.
I feel like I am outside of civilization’s mind.
I feel like I moved out of the house of two stupid parents, into some sort of cold and shunned sanity.
I will go out and look at the stars again, sometime.
I’ll feel sturn about life again and again.
I’ll be strict with myself, with the things which matter most.
I progressively feel less and less pleased, whilst feeling more and more sane/enlightened. This is the direction in which my existential state-of-being is headed. I’ve set my existence and my honesty with myself far above my pleasures.
One of the consequences of using reason is that some of the mystique, which makes life unpredictable and enchanting, is lost.
When someone knows how a magic trick works or has an understanding that it is a trick and not magic at all, the performance isn’t as entertaining.
The mind needs challenge and mystery to play the part it was supposed to play in life.
Uncharted frontiers, the unknown, the mysterious is where the mind engages life.
In some cases the mind resists explanations that demystify and explain so as to retain this mystique and engagement with life.
Living in an age dominated by human environments – especially those living in urban settings - one is constantly surrounded by human constructs and humanity.
Knowing human behavior and the motives and reasons behind human actions makes them boring and predictable, except for some special cases.
Dan~ Just don’t make the mistake of thinking that the direction you are going in is the direction you will always go in, or that the place you are is the place you always will be. Life is not so linear, nor so static as that.
In many ways, what you are experiencing is like drinking and never getting inebriated. Some of us have been there, done that. At some point, you’ll re-visit many of those things you have dismissed, and they will look different. The magic, the wonder, the humor, the delight returns. They say that as we age, we experience a second childhood. I’ve found that to be true for me, although my wife says I never got out of my first childhood.
There are many trips to be taken over the same path, and each time it looks different. We see things from a different perspective, things we didn’t notice before. The pendulum swings to and fro. It makes all of us “swingers”.
What you are going through is natural and should
be expected by everybody. It happens. I am shocked
by very, very little these day. I don’t feel wonder anymore
and haven’t in many years and you know what? I am ok with
it, because it happens. You take many twist and turns
in life from birth to death, some days you feel like the top
of the world and some days you feel like shit. You can’t let
any of it bother you. Missing the days gone by is a serious
waste of time. Expecting or counting the days ahead is
also a serious waste of time. The only day you need to
think about is TODAY. In fact, I keep my thought process
in the 5 minutes I am in. I don’t think 5 minutes ahead
and I don’t think 5 minutes behind. I stay right here, right now.
It keeps me from doing really, really stupid things.
Stay in the moment.
We all have our roles to play. We all feel down at certain times.
Lately I’ve been slightly depressed at how I seem to be drifting away from most people, especially my family. We’re close, and I love them dearly, but I can’t really relate to them. All communication seems to be for planning…
I’ve found most forms of pleasure are in the role of escape. Maybe get a girlfriend (though I know how hard it is to find one that you or I could stand to be with, intellectually) or smoke some pot or something. I think you and I both know where we’re headed, but that doesn’t mean every minute of every day must be so serious… though I understand that once you’re fully immersed in dissolving dualities, things don’t come ‘back’ so easily…
Dan~: I no-longer feel a sense of wonder in my life.
I just try to not be scared or mad when knowledge and honesty shatter my normality.
I feel too sober.
I feel nihilistic.
I feel like I don’t want to do any dumb shit, just for fun.
I also have memory and understanding of the nature of human bipolarity, and for this reason, I see a common ground at the end of all of my brighter and darker days.
I still feel out of place, though I refuse to waste my life.
I feel like I am outside of civilization’s mind.
I feel like I moved out of the house of two stupid parents, into some sort of cold and shunned sanity.
I will go out and look at the stars again, sometime.
I’ll feel sturn about life again and again.
I’ll be strict with myself, with the things which matter most.
I progressively feel less and less pleased, whilst feeling more and more sane/enlightened. This is the direction in which my existential state-of-being is headed. I’ve set my existence and my honesty with myself far above my pleasures."
Gobbo: We all have our roles to play. We all feel down at certain times.
Lately I’ve been slightly depressed at how I seem to be drifting away from most people, especially my family. We’re close, and I love them dearly, but I can’t really relate to them. All communication seems to be for planning…
I’ve found most forms of pleasure are in the role of escape. Maybe get a girlfriend (though I know how hard it is to find one that you or I could stand to be with, intellectually) or smoke some pot or something. I think you and I both know where we’re headed, but that doesn’t mean every minute of every day must be so serious… though I understand that once you’re fully immersed in dissolving dualities, things don’t come ‘back’ so easily…"
K:what dan and gobbo miss is they are going through their own
personal paradigm shift. One that hits everyone at certain ages.
You get one in high school (give or take a few years)
and the early 20’s, you get one. Quite often when you
get a family or marry, you have one. I too am heading
for my own personal paradigm shift. I am 47 and I asking
what do I do now? A world view shift is a paradigm shift.
I don’t know where this will lead me, but I won’t panic or
get too wrapped up in it.
Shifts happens (nice play on shit happens, uh)
Any way, known them for what they are, human events
that happens to everyone. actually I would be more
worried if this didn’t happen to you. That would mean
something was really wrong. Its ok. Accept it for what it is.
Something that happens to everyone.
“I don’t care” can be far more effective then a distraction, also.
I don’t like to be turned-on.
I don’t like it when someone turns on me.
I don’t like it when someone turns me on.
Unless they are really damned loving about it.
Har har.
I’m doing pretty well, actually. Better then before.
My heart-problems are less bad now.
I’ve been exercising more, always eating right.
A+
I’m headed towards strength and understanding.
You’re headed towards a finer quality of self-actuation and existence then most, which only has one main problem: It’s being alone or its being opposite to the mass.
^
Best guess. +)
I want to go back, ever. I shalt hold on tightly to my True-Will.
I am constantly amazed at this. I will tell you that at 55, I am beginning to repeat over and over “never say never.” I have eaten my words a hundred times over for so many things. If you know for sure that you are going to go through bad times - remember that times like these you will do the most growing even tho’ you feel like you are going backwards. I could write an essay and bore the life out of you on this - but this is so, so true.
You have to go through these times to understand just how important they are to your growth and maturity, but i can only tell you that. I see a lot of potential in you, Dan - you are a creative thinker and I enjoy reading what you have to say. Get yourself a good book of quotes - it’s all there. All the men and women who are dead and gone have experienced this shift in their lives. See the good in it, even tho’ I know it sucks.
You might want to avoid Hitler and Chuck Manson on the quotes.
I concentrate on only a few things. My work, my music, my travel, and my drug use. I don’t want anything else that requires obligation, and I don’t want to live long.
Last weekend I bought an eight-ball and cooked it. Normally, I’ll drag it out for the night by doing lines, but this time I cooked it up and smoked it.
I spent three hours on the “mother ship,” Dan, and had more fun in that time than I’ve had in months. The universe was perfect.
