Little Timmy Finds Some New Friends

Little Timmys mother one day realized that Timmy had enslaved the three little girls in his class who had gone missing. His bottom was still sore from the spanking he had received that morning, but he was on a field trip with his class to Washington DC, the capital of the whole world, so it wasnt really so bad.

He silently stared out the window as the bus approached the city, he needed to figure out a way to rebuild his empire. Without his low wage workers, he was forced to cut his profits in half, down to 150% from 300%, this was of course unnacceptable.

Timmy imagined the gritty scrape of the bills against his face as he imagined swimming through them, anything to help him stop paying attention to the amazingly boring tour guide in the capitol building.

“Ha Jimmy you sassy little communist” Timmys ears perked up as he heard the name of his arch nemesis, no doubt asking some stupid annoying noam chomsky type question.

"The difference between a bribe and lobbying is that a bribe is given directly to a politician with the expressed intent of affecting his decisions. lobbying is money that can only be used for the election campaign, and only so much can be contributed to the individual politician.

You see Jimmy, theres ‘hard money’ and this is donated directly to the politician, but only a certain amount is allowed. This is like saying ‘Hey good job friend, i want you to be re-elected.’ And then theres ‘soft money’ which is donated only to the party itself, and this can be any amount of money that you want to give them. You could give them your entire allowance, but Ill bet you wouldnt want to give THAT MUCH" the class lightly erupts with giggles, but all Jimmy can muster is a blank stare.

“Hey Mister!” Timmy said to a guy in a suit. “Are you a… plola…dician?” Timmy’s speech abilities werent yet fully developed, but he was completely capable of discovering yet another amazingly fantastic idea.

“How bout i give you this 50 cents, on behalf of the… Organization That Wants To Lower Minimum Wage Wink Wink” Timmy enthusiastically winked.

“Sorry son, the OTWTLMWWW has already donated the maximum $10,000 to my campaign”

“Oh darn wait ive got an idea,” Timmy said monotonously, humorously ignoring the pauses that should go in there, simulating the speech of a bad actor. “how bout i donate it to the republican party, and you go ahead and give it to them for me wink wink” The two new friends’ maniacal cackles were heard down the hall by a person who was always on the lookout for a maniacal cackle, Jimmy.

“Ive got you now its all documented you bastards!” Jimmy ripped the campaign donation forms from the senators hands. He ran into the supreme court room nearby and luckily they were in session.

“I hereby utilize the “Uber Veto Power” as established in Patriot Act number 4 to veto all six of your votes. Patriot Act number 5 is hereby the new Bill of Rights” Justice Fallwell proclaimed, flailing his arms about; he liked the way that all the crosses he had embroided looked as the sleeves were flailed.

“Look at this! Little Timmy used his large amount of money to influence the way that laws are enacted!!! I caught him!!!”

The noise of maniacal cackling engulfed the entire room like an earthquake, and Jimmy could feel each soundwave rip off a chunk of his soul.