And then we all bought presents.
Everything I wanted,
A discount price
Free
Unlearn me,
Do you get it?
Floss my teeth
with this valentine’s card
Brush them
with the mental scars.
doesn’t rhyme and its better!
this was very vaguely traced with meaning…but i thought it was too vague in the final analysis
says the surrealist!
Very true…as a surrealist I just realised I was the VAGUE one, reading it vaguely, of course, this makes perfect sense, i’m sure you’ll agree…
Everything I wanted,
A discount price
Free
Unlearn me,
Do you get it?
This section was the vague part…so-so!
it reads like a synopsis of a relationship
but it seems a little awkward
the metaphor of
“buying present and discount price”
hackneyed!
perhaps i am being
to strong…it is a simple poem
i’m with you (sorry gobbo?) but i’ve been pushing people to write without rhyming the whole time…especially the old gob. the unlearn me might of been his temptation to fall back into a rhyme scheme.
Fools!
Actually… i only vaguely even remember writing this…so your guess is as good as mine.
twas the smoke.
Heh, it was the booze and the smoke!
I suck at poems… I just write them because I often feel like I just need to express things, even if it is adolescent drunken angst
Hey Alex, give me some feedback on ‘Contestant 4’