For me personally, your poetic voice/style doesn’t “go” with the subject of love; for you to channel your creativity into love is like putting a squid into a big sack - there’s a perculiar kind of restriction at work. I think this piece would’ve worked better in prose form.
[This is the opinion of someone who has love near the bottom of his preference-list of genres.]
My voice doesn’t go with the subject of love? perhaps that explains why I have been so unsuccessful in love.
This was more physical love, passion, kissing and hugging and touching…and it did happen. The voice is real. The voice goes…perhaps I could approach i differently…but there is love in my voice…
Cheers liquid! Tangible is always good. It is clear and apparent.
^Your poetic voice; your “prose voice” is fine with love, even for miserable me. And this is only me - I daresay many other people will approve more of your love poetry.
again, i always appreciate a certain level of fearlessness you have with your writing. it seems you aren’t too worried about breaking some rule or doing something taboo.
my favorite part:
hot…
my unfavorite part:
i feel as if this came into your head and you had to write it. maybe it should stay. i don’t know. it bothered me when i read it connection with the rest of the piece.
see you next time i come to wales. i mean scotland. SHIT
hah! and that was my favorite part… amazing how subjective literature is.
Although I really did like the gem line as well.
Overall, I thought it was a quite nice poem, and something that, judging from some of Colin’s other pieces, isn’t at all incongruous to his themes - they are almost getting cummingian! - I’d venture to say. (Oh that felt good to write, cummingian, hahaha…)–I know Colin gets the farce.
You may however, want to slowly re-read and tweak some of the grammar and spelling you got going on there.
p.s.
The sensousness of this poem did sort of have a cummings feel to it, well at least for me.