I went to the weird place for the first time in a long time! I’m scaring myself now. My boyfriend went to Wisconsin Sunday evening to a party and I didn’t want to go with so I had my ex-boyfriend over and BBQ’d. No sex, it’s not like that. Then I woke up Monday morning at 5am totally sprung. I thought maybe if I had a drink I would get tired and go back to sleep- no such luck.
I had a few drinks and at 9:30 I took a shower and had resolved to start my day. My boyfriend showed up while I was in the shower after being out drinking all night. Then I called this guy who I used to work with and I have a huge crush on. He was in the borderline/manic zone too, I could tell. We got off the phone after I told him that I’d made a sculpture out of a tree branch, glue, cheese and human hair. He said I was wierd and I called him back just to screw with him and all of a sudden he wants to come over immediately for a haircut! I was over the top about this. I have bags of human hair and I love to smell them- the idea of having his hair was just too much for me!
So he shows up in a super sexy army tank top and we have this great conversation durning the haircut and I totally admit having the personality disorder and he’s telling me things about his past that are exactly like the things that I do, so he’s seeming very borderline too. After the haircut he tells me it was the best haircut he’d EVER HAD and because he’s a musician I get my boyfriend’s guitar and he starts serenading me on my back porch! It was so romantic. He sang me songs he wrote to his ex-wife a long time ago. SO then I tell him to take his shirt off so I can brush the hair off of him and he does it! The he had to go to visit his daughter and I jumped in the back of his pick up truck and we have this ongoing joke that I’m going to stand on his truck and take my top off, so I did it, right in front of the Jehovah’s Witness Kingdom Hall in the corner. Ha ha, I had a tank top on underneath, but it was still totally wild!
He left and then I was even more wigged out from the charge I got out of the whole thing. My boyfriend was sleeping off the hangover and then he woke up and pretty much demanded that I have sex with him. I was not in the mood but I did it anyway! Then I went online and watched music videos for hours on end and fantasized about the other guy, not sexually but it some weird supernatural way- I was in this weird zone and I decided to drink more and I just couldn’t get tired so I was up almost the whole night in this fantasy world. I had even forgotten to put the hair in a bag- it was like I didn’t need the hair!
So I woke up this morning after only sleeping a few hours and I was really nervous and confused and I decided that it just had to stop so I took a Klonopin, which did almost nothing. I just wanted to get off the ride already, I wanted to sleep. So I took a Benedryl and finally slept, but I had left my iTunes on and it started playing like every Daniel Johnston album and this went on all afternoon and I didn’t want to get out of the bed, and these really weird tracks came on where he’s just telling stories about Satan- I had to turn it off because it was freaking me out.
Now my boyfriend just came home and he wants to take me out to dinner and I still feel crazy. In the middle of the whole thing then i remembered that I had forgotten to take the Cymbalta for 2 days and I don’t know if I’m starting to react to that.
I feel as if I’m on the edge and about to fall off, and the hair is so sexy I have to go out and get it now!
My boyfriend and I went out to dinner and to Radio Shack to buy one of those converter boxes for the TV. I had the hair in my pocket, it still smells like that guy. My boyfriend yells at me when I smell the hair.
I posted some poems I wrote in high school on another thread and I’m getting all keyed up again- I’m starting to sweat and I’m laughing at really f-ed up things. I think I smell bad too. When I get really excited the front of my calfs sweat, which I didn’t even know was possible. I took twice my normal dose of Cymbalta to make up for the past few days, even though I know you’re not supposed to do that. I just thought of calling someone to talk about the hair and then I heard the phone ring in the other room, it’s like I’m telepathic or something…
I actually slept really good last night. I was doing too much typing away and overstumulating myself so I forced myself to go to bed. My boyfriend came to bed with me too which was very comforting. I also put the hair from my pocket under my pillow. I couldn’t stop giggling about it so my boyfriend asked me what was going on now.
So I lifted my pillow and showed him and he said “No I can’t sleep in the bed with the hair!” And I said “Awwe, it’s kind of like having (name) in the bed with us!” and my boyfriend said “No, its kind of like having a disgusting ball of hair in the bed with us.”
I don’t interact normally with people, I think I’m starting to realize this. I’m in love with this guy from work but only because he plays guitar and I freak him out. I used to leave him silly little note in the space where he kept his instruments next to the stairwell, and I’d love it when he was sitting in that corner and I drop by to do something flirty. He used to leave red pieces of tape around my classroom when I wasn’t there, just so I’d find them and it would remind me that he’d been in there. Then I freaked him out really bad because I started crying because he’d gotten mad at me- he got even more mad about the crying because he felt like he had caused it and I guess he didn’t want to care. We talked about all of that while I was cutting his hair and he referred to it as a turning point in our friendship and that he thinks he understands me a lot better now. He used to feel threatened by me, but now that he’s told me specific things that I used to do that really bothered him. I stopped doing those things and now I think he trusts me again. He gave me a big hug for the haircut, it was better than sex.
Advice?
