I know that this is a tad cynical, but what if humans biologically are not one of the species that choose a mate for life? There aren’t many in the animals world to start with.
The reason i say that is this:
Today in the societies where divorce is no longer a taboo thing and neither is dating, there are SO many divorces, and so many people just casually dating, moving on, casually dating again… maybe getting married, getting divorced, etc. And how many of thiose married people have secret affairs? There are so many that we KNOW about… how many of those people just THINK about it and LONG to do it, have urges, fantasise about other people…? The only reason divorce rates were lower before is because it was frowned upon, society would not accept it that much, and also because of religion.
Sex has also become so trivial it makes me sick. people have learned to seperate it from love and that’s what so many people do these days. Women are also beginning to annoy me with their “careers and independance”. They’re ready to throw everything down the drain, just so they can spite men and prove to them that they’re “independant”. Sure, some are genuine, but so many aren’t. And then later they’ll whihne that they’re not happy and are old maids.
And then there’s men who are hornier than rabbits and would, if they could, do it just as much and to just as many females. They may “fall in love” but will they honestly never again fantasise and have urges for another female? Most probably not. The only reason some men are faithful is because they know it’s wrong and they want to be the gentleman.
So maybe, just maybe, we’re not supposed to settle down with one partner for the rest of our lives? Maybe we’re just supposed to drift from one mate to another…? I know my reasoning may be flawed, but damn me if i have had evidence that this isn’t true yet.
there arent many primates that do mate for life, certainly none of the higher primates (unless you count gibbons, but I’m not entirely convinced they belong in the Hominoidea superfamily).
Why should we be any different?
As for whether we are ‘supposed’ to mate for life or screw anything that moves till the sun sets, I don’t put much stock in any form of determinism; biological or otherwise.
We aren’t supposed to do anything but die (except me).
Yeah. Why should we be any different from tree-swinging primates or the horny bonobos? After all, social institutions came about because of culture and civilization—which, really shouldn’t mean anything. Ask the Romans.
The sarcasm was a great touch to your argument. Note the sarcasm.
Does culture and civilazation state that it is our nature to stay with one partner for life? Not that I know of. I know perfectly well that society/culture/civilazation have for a long long time brought up people to accept that we stay with one partner for life, but i’m talking about the very core of our primitive nature that’s very slightly beginning to push through.
It’s just a theory of mine. or scientifically speaking, a hypothesis.
I don’t really like this idea at all, and it’s one aspect i would LOVE for someone to SENSIBLY AND WITH GOOD EVIDENCE argue against.
Queenmab,
There is no “what if” to whether or not people are biologically inclined to mate for life. We are not. It is always an easy question to answer whether or not it is in an animal’s nature to do something or not. Simply observe. People do not choose one mate and remain sexually and emotionally intimate only with that partner for life. If this were the case then the first person that someone was intimate with would be the one that they stayed with, the end. The percentage of times that this has occurred throughout history is small enough to say that those individuals who do this are abnormal to say the least. Certain social trends such as divorce or types of marriage (i.e. polygamies) come and go, but one thing is for sure, it’s a group thing. The majority of individuals have more than one intimate partner in their lifetime.
Now as far as what society must condone, monogamy is the ticket. For whatever reason, Society decided that it was best to stick to the one mate per person idea. (Of course this is only in reference to our social history here in America) It likely aided in the stability of the society as a whole, which is the main goal. So, that is what is portrayed and supported legally and by many social morays. However, it is important to remember that it is like the speed limit signs. Everybody knows that’s what they’re supposed to do, but nobody actually does it.
I think the reason that we think of ourselves as a “mate-fo-life” species is because we want it to be true. We have the need to feel as if our realtionship actually means something significant, but as culture changes we have been realizing that maybe it is just a pointless waste of time to try and keep the same special someone and to, for lack of a better term, be free. I’m not saying that anyone is a relationship is wasting their time but maybe they aren’t necessary. We don’t haver to eat meat to live but some do because they enjoy it, this can be compared to realtionships in that some people may feel the need for a meaningful relationship with someone while others just don’t have the same “tastes”.
I think you have all missed an important point. You’re all so caught up looking at our sexual organs, you’ve missed our most important organ, our brain, and its effect on what we are “biologically” meant to do.
Let me ask you, if you take 100 random people, give them each a significant other who they are attracted to, and then introduce another hundred random people and tell the first hundred to share, how high will your sharing numbers be? And of those who do share their partner in a “three-way” so to speak, how many WON’T experience jealousy? I have yet to meet a person who when they really “fall in love” does not feel jealousy. That doesn’t mean there aren’t any, but I’d say its a pretty good indicator that the majority of people are “built” to have jealousy.exe as one of their primary programs.
Now what does this say for all your theories?
Why would we have jealousy, if we are not biologically set to have one mate?
Now you’re going to maybe try and argue, sure, we’re mainly monogamous in that we expect our amtes to stick to us alone, but that doesn’t mean we’re amde for one mate for life. Good argument, but you fail to realize what I said earlier about those hundred random people having to like each other. In many cases over life people change. As they change, it is no wonder that sometimes their relationships do as well, and so marriages fail. However, it is not that the two people have rejected their former mate, it is more like their former mate has disappeared and been replaced with someone quite different. It is almost as if they have been left a widow.
I think it can be said with reasonable validity that were any two people to be supremely attracted to each other and “fall in love” and were neither of them to change greatly in personality over the period of their life, they would most likely explode your theories as they would easily remain mated for life. Notice I said ANY two people. Now there will be some exceptions, but as the saying goes, the exception proveth the rule.
i wonder if other animals experience STDs like we do.
Do they spread deadly virus’ to each other? thats always been the main reason i prefer to stay with one girl.
Jealosy does do a good job to prove these theories wrong though. It could also just be a personal thing, like, why does she like him better than me? what does he have that i dont.
I also fail to see how or why sex is so important in the world today. I have always found it to be the excersize of the weak minded, personally. I have also found sex to get better as you learn the person, and care for the person more deeply. It also affords the children that are bore from this act to be raised in a more stable atmostphere.
I also dont understand why we are comparing ourselves with the actions of other animals anyway. Last i checked, they couldnt put another primate on the moon, nor create institutions or try to out-intelectualize someone on a philosophy board. I think we are way past the huntiong and gathering stage of our civilization.