Mike

I have a son who’s now your age,
which must be why I keep thinking of us,
best friends at seventeen,
twenty plus years ago.
Of course you’ll always be seventeen.

Senior year I was seeing Julie.
If I hadn’t been with her that night
I would have been in that car with you.
I don’t remember the name of that
girl you were seeing.
I remember her crying though.
I do remember that.

I remember that when my father took the call
and broke the news to me that night,
he held me.
Tighter than I can ever remember.
To comfort me, is what I had thought.

‘You gotta laugh’ was your mantra.
I don’t know where you picked that up from
but you said it to me all the time.
You’d say it to me in the principal’s office,
and you’d say it to me in detention after school.
We never cared much for the rules,
but we did like to laugh.
You gotta laugh.

Summertime we’d sleep out in the
field behind your house.
Make a fire, and swipe a watermelon
from Markey’s farm.
We’d look up at the stars and talk
until early morning,
about girls, about school, about life,
about the things we were going to do.
We were seventeen.
What could stop us?

You applied to West Point.
None of us knew about that until afterward.
You were going to surprise everybody
after you got accepted.
Typical kind of thing for you to do.

So now I have a son your age.
How about that?
And he makes me think of you.
And friendship, and laughter.
And life.
Fleeting, fragile, precious life.
And I have come to understand
why my father held me
so tight that night,
twenty plus years ago.
Tighter than I can ever remember.
Now I understand
why he held me like that.

.

Wow. The words are so much less than the emotions they evoke. Raw ragged edges of emotion. The what if emotions only a parent can truly grasp. Beautifully done, but I don’t know if I like it. It’s almost too close…

Thanks, JT, very much.

Let me ask you something, though. I think you have rightly identified it as a poem about parental what-if emotions. It tried to be that. It tried to be about a father’s love for his son (my father’s love for me and my love for my son). Unfortunately, it was supposed to be a poem about Mike. I really wanted it to be. That’s what it started as and that’s where it originally was headed. I think I swung too hard and tried to cram two themes into one poem. Mike gets lost maybe. Am I wrong?

I’m too damn close to it to tell what this thing is anymore.

As a parent, I responded to the father-son a bit stronger than others might. Mike was very real and in your description it provided both for your young confusion about dad’s hug, and the pain of losing a life long friend. In one way there are two themes, but in another sense, one explains the other and there is no confusion. I may be a little close as well. I lost my best friend when we were 22, but to a year of cancer and not a car. Mike was very real as was David. And different stuff, in different places, but the same two young cubs trying to get a handle on life. I couldn’t write your poem, but I have experienced it. Thank you.

Emotionally, it wasn’t an easy poem to write. Or post. Your comments have made me glad I did both. Thanks.

Fuck rainey… this one hurts.

I think ironies hit people the most, you just gotta laugh. Bloody Hell,

Hello F(r)iends,

Rainey… I was deeply touched. I was near tears.
I’ve lost someone too and I understand all too well.
You reminded me of a favorite song of mine:

[i]I got sent home from school one day with a shiner on my eye.
Fightin’ was against the rules and it didn’t matter why.
When dad got home I told that story just like I’d rehearsed.
And then stood there on those tremblin’ knees and waited for the worst.

He said, “Let me tell you a secret about a father’s love,
A secret that my daddy said was just between us.”
He said, “Daddies don’t just love their children every now and then.
It’s a love without end, amen, it’s a love without end, amen.”

When I became a father in the spring of '81
There was no doubt that stubborn boy was just like my father’s son.
And when I thought my patience had been tested to the end,
I took my daddy’s secret and I passed it on to him.

I said, “Let me tell you a secret about a father’s love,
A secret that my daddy said was just between us.”
He said, “Daddies don’t just love their children every now and then.
It’s a love without end, amen, it’s a love without end, amen.”

Last night I dreamed I died and stood outside those pearly gates.
When suddenly I realized there must be some mistake.
If they know half the things I’ve done, they’ll never let me in.
And then somewhere from the other side I heard these words again.

And he said, “Let me tell you a secret about a father’s love,
A secret that my daddy said was just between us.”
He said, “Daddies don’t just love their children every now and then.
It’s a love without end, amen, it’s a love without end, amen.”[/i]

Love Without End, Amen by George Strait

I am not a religious man… but a father’s love, a mother’s love is something worthy of praise.
Rainey, thanks for sharing so much of yourself.

-Thirst

Edit: I had the lyrics sligthly wrong.

Thanks for your comments, fellas. Very much.

Great song Thirsty. Thank you for sharing it.