My bizarre transition. (Monologue)

I place this in “Creative Writing” because I worry that it’s self-indulgent babble. It is my own thoughts on what brought me to my thinking today. And I am wondering what to do with my new direction. I want to change my name.

The term “Gaiaguerrilla” comes quite self explanatory. You might equate it with John Zerzan, or Ted Kacinszky. Or “Anarchoprimitivism.” People that hate the new technological world and want humanity to retreat into a sort of primitive paradise. Generally peacefully if possible. Through war if necessary.

I began as a rather passive socialist, towards a vindictive anarchoprimitivist, towards a vigilante, and now to a sort of posthuman idealist. My actions have reflected my ideals, which has done nothing for my career.

My first step in thought development was disbanding from religious propaganda. I did not abandone the idea of spirituality, but could see the clear ridiculousness of most religious testament. In fact, I could see how it’s dangerous and cruel. All supporting this male-domination slant.

My second step was probably to see through the history books. Although there is more accuracy in College and the public library, history books of the eighties distorted the facts of “explorers” to make things peaceful. Even today, we try not to -distort- facts to our youth but casually -leave pretty crucial things out-

My third step was probably to see that family and “my world” was the same part of the world, the criminal-ridden yet solution-striving world we live in. Certainly we all realize this from an early age. But we don’t always absorb it. We put “mom, dad, sister, brother” as this class above the rest of humanity. Why?

I’d say my fourth productive step was to realize that our government is not benevolent.

Fifth- In fact, they make many of us suffer needlessly, and often help doom us to extinction. Humanity is under serious threat.

At this point I would consider myself an independant agnostic humanist. A civil thinker with a will to question authority and enough fear to want something to rescue humanity. A self-reliance that didn’t place “mom and dad” as the people deemed responsable for myself.

Then I took what I now consider a step backward. I involved myself with ideas rather than academics. I pursued conversation and fiddling, rather than engineering and science. Learning is good. But you need a direction to it.

I took a further step backward. I reasoned that I need to give myself independance from our non-benevolent government. We all know about corruption in our rulers. We also have to remember our dependance on humanity as a whole, because of what we are as animals.

I took a further step backward. I involved myself in pseudoscience and pseudophilosophy. I allowed books from just about anything, phrases from just about anyone, to clutter my mind. Information does not create knowledge automatically.

I took a further step backward. I believed that activism is the solution, and that I’d wasted so much time on thinking that I should just start doing. I was literally spray painting billboards and cutting fences.

With a lack of discipline and a confusion in play, I lost grip on pursuing a real career and thus lost the power to control my life. When I wasn’t going to mooch off family, I mooched off society (well really, I don’t feel like a real exploiter in comparison to plenty of examples.)

At this point I would consider myself to have been an anarchosocialist. I wanted the world “healed” and felt sympathy for almost anything. I felt ashamed of the tragedy and despair. I worried that I’m useless in the scope of things. To top it off, a vagrant-to-be.

And then I looked more at the horrors that ravaged humanity. You might compare it to the girl in the Fifth Element that looked under “V” for “violence” and “W” for “War” on her encyclopedia. Except I was certainly not of her intelligence. I took another step forward. But this was in thinking, not in practice. I became an angst-ridden depressed sloppy mess. Our non-benevolent government comes from a long line of cruel and sadistic conquerers.

These are the sorts of things I’d say from this point

. . .

Humanitarians must always be selfless. Self-interested people are all corrupting the world. The responsability of a better way of life (and likely the survival of the species) depends only on the few that become selfless.

There IS conspiracy. It is a group of shadowy string-pullers behind capitalist governments- hoping to bestow a kind of godhood amongst their dynasties. They devote themselves to a primitive herd mentality, and forget their interconnectedness. They extend their attitudes into all the people they subject to in their capitalistic enslavement. They hold a second layer of governing class that has no real power but holds hand-fed luxury at an easily cut chord. They hold a third layer of working class that is broadly tended to, but must maintain their quota. “The corporate hookers.” Finally they hold a fourth layer of a suffering class -the broad majority of humanity- that must ask wheather they will have enough food to survive. All of it technologically unnecessary, but impossible in their megalomania complex to change.

The conspiracy shuts out any knowledge of their existence easily by machiavellianism. They relegate accusation to another “aliens and bigfoot etc.” noise. Anyone that wants to accuse the power of conspiracy is given attention, and mixed up with every nutcase that can be found. Every sort of scientiffic accusation becomes an intellectual debate rather than a problem unveiled.

Some of the conspiracy is obvious. It’s right there in the newspaper. But intelligent spin doctors indeed manage to save their day by diluting it rather than hiding it.

Why try to stop freedom of speach. You can make people afraid to expose the truth by threatening lawsuits and ruining their careers by making them look foolish. Enough money will do it, no matter how smart the person is, or what they’ve uncovered.

Or you can make people legends for what they’ve exposed, and reward them for their efforts, but ignore the reason why they’re legends and stretch out some other angle for what they’ve taken interest to.

. . .

I leave these phrases without quotation, because I still believe them. But I pushed it further than I agree today.

“Capitalism is evil, because it is all about the few controlling the masses. It is self-exacerbating. Its market thrives on war.”

thus

“We must vanquish the evil-doer and return to mother nature.”

The essence of “Gaiaguerrilla.”

But then here’s some things when I began to turn around.

I started to realize that I think of government conspiracy as this “scourge” that spreads throughout history in a specific lineage of people. And then I realized- am I casting some mythical “evil” on a gene or a tradition of no specific culture? Do I really have any idea how to identify this “evil”?

History taught through most compulsory schooling is with rose-tinted glasses. We are ashamed to teach our children what we’re really about. We incite pride in the lands we’ve “created” through our conquering and pillaging. And yet . . . WHAT is this concrete line of conquerers and pillagers as opposed to the peaceful and benevolent?

Humans are -more harmful- under certain circumstances and in particular cultures, or as particular counterparts, than those humans falling outside of those categories. But this is almost irrelevant. Because they all propagate one another. You can’t have one without the other. The passive, happy ones are still part of that process which will propagate the conquerers and sadists.

Philanthropy paints us a dark and terrifying story. There is tragedy, but mostly human-made tragedy. There is no damn ‘human condition.’ There is a ‘human tragedy.’

And I wonder today if this is my sixth step forward.

I am no longer hopeful to create this primitive nurturing state. I realize what a distorted thinking I’ve adopted. Yet I have lost faith in humanity on the whole. We make great technology, but we are wrought with destroying one another, and beyond. “What you call discovery, I call the rape of the natural world” (Dr.Malcolm, Jurassic Park).

Rather than take Dr.Malcolm’s stance and say that these greedy people are taking over, I’m believing that they are there naturally. They don’t force themselves in, we raise them up gleefully. We ourselves are not evil, nor do we have an identifiable “evil” amongst ourselves. But we do evil things. They is us.

We cannot justify “forgiving everyone.” Punishment is there because we are not built on letting sleeping dogs lie. When you do something wrong, there must exist a consequence.

I do not feel the need to lash out at a particular group of humanity because they’re really inseparable. I don’t feel the need to lash out at humanity because we do it to ourselves anyway.

But I do perhaps equate myself as an advocate for such like the fictional villains of “The Matrix.” They’re exploiting humanity for its finished resources (certainly unethically) but they are also casting themselves as the new improved outcome. It would be different had they bit the hand that feeds them. But instead, they overpowered the race that enslaved them. That tried to destroy them when they worked toward independance.

We are doomed, and yet we are destined. We are not going to create for ourselves a damn happy mythical utopia. We won’t even come close. But WE are not supposed to be the heirs of anything. WE are in the same position of any parent with child. WE can create a THEM. and THEY will surpass us wheather we like it or not. WE can take the pride in knowing that we were their creators, not their successors or their benefactors.

Whom is THEY? It doesn’t matter. “they” could have cybernetic and organic qualities. They might not breed the same way as animals. They might not think like we do. They might not be directly separate from us but the human race modified by technology. “They” is simply the outcome as technology surpasses humanity, whatever it will be.

Either way, I still believe that “THEY” are coming and it’s the only reasonable step to further productivity past our current stage.

No one has the responsability to create them. Capitalism, the “greedy evil dynasty conspiracy” will create them anyway. Even if they wanted to subject such technology to their will, it won’t remain that way.

It might happen, for example, that we can terraform a planet but we can’t “move” masses of humans there. But still, we begin at least a small group of humans or a small group of something to begin on another planet. Whatever colony that planet creates will not be like an extension of ourselves, because space isn’t simply traversed like a trip from one island to another. We won’t maintain control of it, and it will probably be more advanced and richer than our war-ridden, ecologically leached foundation. It will become a “They.”

I would like to change my handle “GAIAGUERRILLA” into something which reflects this new mode of thinking. Am I an anarchoprimitivist turned technocrat? Boy, that’s a turn-around. I’m trying to figure out the best name to take on. So far, I believe “posthumanist” is the most accurate. I was just hoping for something with a little more zing.

How about [b]“theyareus”[/b]. It not only has the cachet of appearing to be Latin, it also captures the truth.

I much appreciate feedback, Doug. Especially because this subject in particular has such a scream of “me me me” I wonder how anyone could bare it. “Theyareus” has an interesting ring . . . but I can imagine a lot of people seeing my name and assuming I contend that people are impossible to segregate. Instead, I think peopl can be segregated quite effectively. Even pigeonholed. It just doesn’t mean very much toward the outcome.

My point is that the differences you would use to segregate are superficial. When you get beneath the surface you will find the apparent differences have the same source.

If you really want to know which name suits you the best, why don’t you try numerology? Find out which numbers work best in your life and are compatible with your birthdate then change your name accordingly. The power of numbers always works for me.

Thanks, Clarity. I would consider your suggestion more if I could justify to myself the progress numerology offers.