My lack of posts

Social Forums Non-Philosophical Chat
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Hi guys. I’m sure some of you noticed I haven’t posted anything in some time. I’ve been checking in every now and then, just not posting.

I’ve been going through a lot in my life. I’ve separated from my wife; I’m now a single American expatriate living in the UK. I have a job which pays a bit above minimum at the moment (min is 6.50, I make 7.10), doing web-designy-type things mostly. I’ve moved into my own little apartment which is uncomfortably costly for me. Need to find a fucking roommate.

When I was with my wife, she sort of toyed with me. She had a lot of power over me, because I was in her country and my livelihood depended on her. She abused that power over me, frequently threatening me etc. A big reason why I had to leave.

But now that I’m on my own, I feel more than ever like I’m hanging by my fingertips off the edge of a cliff. If I lost my job I’d be fucked. Completely. I wouldn’t have anywhere to go, any way to eat, any place to sleep. I don’t have any family here, and even if I miraculously made it back to the US I wouldn’t have any family there who’d want to help me either. I’m just constantly worried and stressed out about my ability to survive on my own, particularly in a country that isn’t my own.

I’m also a bit afraid of my wife’s family. I think they’ve got a lot of anger towards me. If they wanted to, they could probably make my life very, very difficult. Her step dad talked about wanting to hit me or kick my ass or something, so idk what could happen.

Since moving out on my own, I’ve mostly felt an immense, consuming sense of loneliness. I have some buddies here, but nobody to properly hang out with outside of work. I have a fear that it’s going to be really hard for me to find another woman as well.

I had to make a lot of stupid decisions to get myself in this situation. Now all I feel is regret, fear and loneliness.

That’s I suppose mostly why I haven’t posted much in a long time.

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glad to have you back jesus…

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:laughing:

ditto Jesus.

The last Jesus said he hadn’t been around for a while because of personal dramas, too.

Hang in there, buddy. It will be tough for a while but as Fritz said: What doesn’t kill you…

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You don’t read like the Flannel Jesus I first saw here a year ago.

I lived in London for a while, (not on my own) feeling isolated and not being English, makes life’s struggles more intense.

No matter what country you live in, the country you were born in pulls you back. (there are exceptions, of course).

Get someone to help pay the rent, which in turn will give you the opportunity to save for the trip back home!

If that will take forever, borrow it and get the hell out of there.

If it is just a question of not earning enough and you like Britain, I agree with the above poster. Hang in there.

Sometimes we must learn from our mistakes. What matters!

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Sorry to hear about your troubles.
Maybe you should look further afield - away from your ex-wife’s parish?
£7.10/ hours is shite. Where about in the UK are you?

If you have no one specific stateside, then there are really good reasons to stay here in the UK. It’s s great place to get ill for one thing. Loosing your job and living on benefits is also easier for a single male here than in most States.

Being lonely can be solved in various ways which depend mostly on your interests and on your age.
Doing an adult-ed course can be a great way to meet people, and do something interesting. Maybe try a interest group - which costs less. For example, round my way there is a philosophy group that meets in a pub to chew the fat; a “Sketchcrawlers” group that meet regularly and do urban drawing with a walk around town; walking groups that, well - just walk.
There is no excuse to be alone. I realise that being with people is not necessarily a cure for loneliness, but it can be the way out.

One thing is for sure. This is the best advice I can give. Drop her, and all her machinations, as long as you don’t have kids together.
If you do have kids then you are well and truly fucked. She has your balls in a vice. Be nice, and smile; do what you are told, and don’t give her any excuse to fuck with you.
In any event, do NOT delay the divorce. Get it over and done with.

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“Good judgment comes from experience and experience comes from bad judgment.”

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Hi Flannel,

Noce hearing, from You again. Listen here is something that may allay the panic You may feel, no I am certain, You are feeling now. I know because You do sound existentially different. I was in a similar situation once,Meehan I was living in Manila, a few years back, and ran out of money. Inespetely wired my on for a hundred bucks but they were strips. So I called the U.S. Embassy, and they were willing to expatriate me , put me on a plane, for which I would have had to repay them as soon as I got rehabilitated there. Almost went for it, but the same day I got some money from a friend.But I am sure the option is there. For the loneliest part, I been down so long that route that it looks up to me. I am a self subscribed loner. So don’t worry it will workout somehow.

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Join the club of the lonely and shitted off by women. Why on earth anyone would want a british woman i don’t know, they are like trained by the SAS to destroy you.

Britain is a very bullying place imho ~ for the struggling, i’d get out of here too if i could and i am british.

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I am very sorry about your situation. I wish you much strength and the best of luck.

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Sorry to hear that. It seems to be a growing trend in male-female relationships. Have you heard about MGTOW? I watched some of their videos recently, you may find some like-minded people there with similar experiences. Every man needs to have a greater understanding of female nature to avoid being manipulated and treated badly like you did, I know you’re a science mod so you obviously have to know something, at least from an evolutionary perspective.

Finding another woman should be the last of your worries if you’re in a situation that you described. Stick to your job and consider what alternatives you might have in case it goes wrong. Work on improving and valuing yourself as a person.

Not to be too nosy, but is there a reason why her family hates you so much? Nevermind and sorry if you deem the question too private.

Hope you do alright…

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What kind of web design?
Maybe I can hook you up with some contracts, if you’re good.

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:laughing:

…in the workplace as well as the home - I was bullied by native British women… and I’m female.

FJ, check out this site for jobs: reed.co.uk

___ check out Meetup for, er… Meetups: meetup.com/find/

The UK is a fun place to be… once you are earning enough and have a good network of friends and acquaintances around you. Good luck :wink:

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Hang in there man. I really hope things improve for you, and I’m pretty confident they will. I know you’re on hard times right now, but don’t forget that you made one hell of a positive life change that took some balls to go through with. You probably don’t feel much like patting yourself on the back right now, but not everyone would be able to do what you’ve done. There are a ton of people out there, and I know several, who are stuck in toxic relationships because they are either afraid of being alone or just don’t have the courage to be so honest with themselves.

Anyway, I hope to see you around some more because, in all honesty, you’re one of my favorite posters here.

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Cmon UK ILPers, somebody buy this guy a beer.

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The UK might loo small on the map, but it’s bigger than you think. I live in the UK, but I can get to New York more quickly than some places in the UK.

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How dare you not drive 6h to have a beer with FJ?
How. Dare. You.

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Thanks everyone for the supportive words.

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Don’t even know where he lives.

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FJ,

Nothing is permanent. Good and bad times come and go. This phase will also end one day. Struggle is an inevitable part of life.

Secondly, there are somethings that can be learned only in adversities. Anyone, who has not gone through bad times at some point in his/her life, will remain void of something very unique and important. Knowing losing is as important as winning.

Consider it as a learning phase instead of anything else. When you will come out of this, you will feel more complete and find a new confidence in yourself.

Try to be nimble and flexible in the life for the time being. Do not try to force the issues. Weakness have its own strengths. Storms can uproot only huge and tall trees, not grass. The grass can move and bend here and here with the winds, but will stood straight again, as soon as the the storm will pass. But, once a tree is uprooted, it is gone forever.

Be patient. The most important thing is not no lose hope. if that is lost, it would be very difficult to recover.

And, find some like minded people or friends. That would help a lot.

with love,
sanjay

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That’s a very interesting, poetic and surprisingly apt analogy.