I used to be a good man
Or so I used to think
I would fight and moan and squabble
And my clothes would always stink
I would gamble, cheat, beg for money
Squander it all on drink
I used to be a good man
Or so I used to think
There was a time I knew it all
Or so I once believed
It didn’t take me long
To learn how to decieve
As the world which offered no reprieve
Was clearly so naive
There was a time I knew it all
Or so I once believed
I used to be a good man*
Or so I used to think
But I’ve come to see the trouble I’ve caused
To those I pushed to the brink
I tried to do as good men do
And somehow saw a link
Between a good man, wise and humble
And the mirror above my sink
(considering replacing line with, “I always was a humble man”
ITALICS-- The underlined beats are just the way I read it, I’ve not learnt any scansion yet. Only key beats highlighted above.
Good poem, although I found the last verse a bit redundant–maybe so for emphasis. Read all poems, including your own, out loud. That will help with the beat. "I used to be a good man/Or so I used to think is a great line. Changing good to humble might change the entire poem.
Thanks mate, i do read out loud im not sure i could do it any other way.
I know what you mean about the change. It was actually ‘I always was a humble man’ for a bit but i changed it back to good man because my aim was to do a poem whereby each stanza’s last two lines were the same as their first and also the first two lines of the poem were the same as the last (i was going to have it end… ‘…good man, or so i used to think’ like the first verse).
I rewrote the last verse cus i felt having the ‘good man’ bit at its beginning meant i would need to change its last two lines to fit with my initial goal.
I’m still not happy with the last verse really, and originally i had planned to write 5, not 3. I’m still kinda working on it, thanks for the input its much appreciated
EDIT: The reason i wanted ‘humble man’ in there was because of the line 'good man, wise and humble" at the end which would then summarise the ‘good’ from verse 1, the ‘wise’ from verse 2 and then the ‘humble’ from verse 3 and the very nature of the poem. Its just that idea came into conflict with the initial idea.
