“The name’s Lawson. Pleased to meet you.
Far as I’m concerned my name’s Jenkins.
But people around these parts call me McTaggart.
This is Old Hank, my partner in crime,
real name’s Seamus Barufi. Friends call him
L’il George, but you can call him Joe.
Speakin’ of Joe, the only doctor in town’d be
Doctor Joe. Real name’s Kip Corningware.
Friends know him as Tyler.
He’ll also answer to Junior or Harry “Pops” McGee.
Once in a great while he’ll answer to Peehawken.
But only when he’s talking to the high class.
Best not call him Peehawken quite yet.
Only lawyer in town’d be Alan Boomis.
We mainly call him Ray.
His kin calls him Fatty…
but you’d best call him Billy.
Seeing as you’re new in town.
One time Pete Bowlersby
(known as Twice Baked by his friends)
called Ray “Fatty,” and Ray beat Twice
so bad he had to see Doc Joe.
Here’s the kicker:
Twice called Doc Joe by the name of
Peehawken and got himself a second beating,
That’s why we call him Twice.
Even the preacher calls Ray “Twice.”
But you best call him Tommy,
at least until you get used to the place.”
I just read this aloud to a coworker of mine.
Then I said, “That was awesome!!”
Then he said, “Yeah, really!”
Gamer, you nailed it. I have heard similar out here in the boonies of Mississippi. Bravo!!!
Gamer, ever read Ring Lardner’s short story “The Golden Honeymoon”? This reminded me of it. Good stuff.