God, I have just shat out a spicy shit! One of those that leaves you sitting on the pan relaxed, yet quietly pondering that hot ass rash feel, and your ability to survive, and then the serious issue of the strength of the toilet paper. God, awful!! But, all in all, this was to be expected - banana peppers and jalapeno peppers are notoriously hot, coupled with curry and lots of chocolate we are talking thick, rich, sickly hot shit - my stool had such consistency, really, a hideous plasma like mess, could feasibly have been used as cement mix!
Obviously, that idea is ridiculous, your excrement will not make a great house stabliser, however, shit does makes great fertiliser, in saying that actually…all the food I have eaten will most likely laced with additives, preservatives, and unknown cancerous chemicals and all sorts of e letters: in short - my shit would be filled with ‘shit’.
you see, these day, we don’t shit healthy shit like cows do in fields (i don’t mean to romanticise cow shit, but it has such substance, such vigor, such earthly life to it). but, i am talking about ‘contemporary shit’, from all our anuses- it is filled with all the unnecessary toxic chemicals that all our foods come in these post-modern days. so - no. putting my shit in the ground would be like laying a small mindfield. explosive. best left untouched.
…so as i was about to raise my self from the loo and wipe the hind arse i began to think of the metaphysical nature of reality and the existence of GOD as declared in various Holy Books. i began to think of the nature of being and considered, briefly, the penitential loneliness that all humans exprience between verbalising the ‘I’ and then putting that ‘I’ into action. yes. ‘i’ was the beginning of consious inertia and movement was the easement of this loneliness. but only until another thought came along.
between the ‘i’ and ‘action’ - all loneliness harbours.
but i digress. i wipe my ass with the precision of a doctor doing a complex procedure on an aging patient. take care to clean behind you. you past as well as your ass.
you see, you may not like to think about these things, but taking a shit is perhaps one of the most important things you will ever do in life - so do it well. i’ll leave you with the vague Buddha shaped words of an aging drunk, mr charles bukowski, who i never met -‘sex is interesting, but it’s not totally important. I mean it’s not even as important (physically) as excretion. A man can go seventy years without a piece of ass, but he can die in a week without a bowel movement.’
Don’t let the shit hit the fan, brother, sister!
)) Would that not need to be addressed by a Doctor?