I thought this might be an interesting topic, and I think may better get to the point than realunoriginal’s thread about how to care about others.
The difficulty is feeling minimal conflict while in another’s presence. How are you supposed to act without offending them and making the environment even more uncomfortable? How can you feel secure that they feel secure with your presence?
What is your philosophy on social interaction? Do you have any key principles leadng you to interact in certain ways?
I don’t like the idea of lying to people, but if I am confident that the other person isn’t intelligent enough to see their wrongdoing and/or misunderstanding if I attempt to explain it them I will just not bother, as it will only make both of our experiences more frusterating. I usually won’t react though, as to not give them any assurance when they check my response. If I feel they think or act ridiculous at a given moment, I just don’t give them any positive reinforcement, I guess you could say, but an awkward moment that they may analyze it order to understand my lack of response. Sometimes this is the closest I think I can get to moving someone towards some self-understanding.
I try to limit offending them, or at least not purposefully (you can always explain how you didn’t mean it if they get upset), so they feel more safe around me, like I am not going to attack them, so they are than more likely to drop their guard and think a little clearer, without feeling they always have to prove themselves (whether to me or themselves).
It can be tough though. There are some really oblivious people out there; I happen to work with one of the most disgusting personalities I have ever met. She lies to me very often, and believes she is actually manipulating me to think as she wants, simply because I don’t react and she has a nonverbal learning disorder coupled with a belief that she is always right (a most insecure hysteric). And she talks on and on and on and on without stopping… the kind of person that completely drains you of energy (if you’re somewhat introverted, at least), like an anxious, whining dog that won’t stop grabbing at you.
It’s an ego issue though, really. Why should I care if she makes a fool of herself throughout the day? If she attacks me. Logically, I should enjoy this comedic drama, this character of such unbelievable ignorance. The problem is my body will often burst into anger when it senses her body attacking mine, always in a passive manner (ex: exagerrates my making a mistake in front of a customer, like she is always there to correct me or coach me, rather than just casually saying what I should have said… kind of a funny story, once when she corrected me, making a big deal in front of a customer, she didn’t even say the right thing herself, which I made quite a show of “How much did you say it was again? 32?” “Yes 32. No no, I mean 36!”. The rest of the day she battled the messages of inferiority arriving from time to time in the back of her mind. These situations, when they make absolute asses of themselves in such a way they can’t not understand, is pretty stress-relieving.
I think I just need to discipline enforcing my reasoned outlook when my body becomes stressed, to break the habit of going into negative thought loops until I actually become angry at them because they actually think they know better than me, and disrespect me because of that, when they have the thought process of a young adolescent.
More exercise is a good idea too.
As long as you don’t really piss anyone off, to the point somebody’s going to get hurt, than it doesn’t really matter how you interact with people. If you don’t like them, whatever, you give them the base needed to not make them burst into an apish rage. People aren’t going to understand you as you understand yourself, so who cares just how wrong they can be, as long as you don’t endanger your body or the short to long term future (for long term finances and such) of it.
That way when you do meet a girl you like it will be a natural connection based on genuine liking (mind-merging, you can say).