our death hour

The death hour is indeterminate unless one chooses the hour of death.

That’s not necessarily so. It could be determined by someone else.

I think she can get away with a general ‘one’ which would cover herself, or another.

Anyway - Hey Vortical - very long time no see, what’ve you been up to…?

Fair enough.

this seems like my first time here, so I dont know exactly what is going to happen, or when, if at all.

The death hour- i am here at the hour of my own death- mother and father suffer god sends them to hell

the death hour is indeterminate unless one chooses the hour of death

the hair is dead from the moment it leaves the scalp

is the hair no longer valid when it is cut from the scalp

the death hour is the genesis of the hair’s existence

Just curious enough, why the death hour? Why not the 16 minutes of death, or the half hour death, sitcom style. Death lifetime seems more appropriate, not as catchy.

Not at all. What of the soldier who is to take part in an attack at dawn? What of the condemned man who is to be hanged at noon?

On a side note:

When one becomes aware of imminent death, things don’t slow down, they accelerate. One goes thrown several folds in a short period of time. Death itself need not actually occur in order for such experiences to be authentic.

I contemplate suicide because I want all of it to stop happening. DUring the death hour I told a friend of mine that my mother was dead- a month later she was. I missed the funeral- it was far away and I couldn’t get on the plane. My siblings won’t talk to me. It is my fault for failing to perform or whatever- I wrote her obituary. I wish I was dead, as I have always contemplated, but now I wish it everyday.

Don’t go down that road, Its a well traveled road but, a one way road. We all have pains that seem impossible to bear. Find someone to talk with. find something distracting. Learn something that you have laways wanted to learn, like a language or a hobby. Going down suicide row is not good in anyway shpae or form. It only creates more pain and hurt. those around you have to live with your suicide. It will forever haunt them and create a painful void. And you have no idea what death is. It could be far worse than this. Its one road we should never rush down. find someone to talk with. Many of us have been where you are.

vortical-

Kriswest is right. You don’t know what death is. It can and could be a lot worse than anything you can imagine, or better.

If you are destined to find out, then you will.

Get some professional help, and get some happy pills. Depression is just a case of re-setting the balance of your emotional see-saw. Sounds easy doesn’t it. That’s because it is. Stop it with the ‘I’m a mopey poetess with boyfriend problems’ front, Byron might have been able to get away with it, but you can’t. And Byron didn’t even have a boyfriend while he was being mopey.

Will it change who you are…? Yes of course it will. But let’s face it, being who you are isn’t really working out very well for you, is it…?

Do something positive, and do it by yourself.

The next funeral you miss will hopefully be your own.

I don’t have a boyfriend and I am seeing a doctor. My brothers won’t talk to me in spite of my father suggesting they call and me sending them an email to call me and that I’m upset and disappointed not to hear from them.

This isn’t my existential crisis- this is something different. It’s deep, lonely and almost impossible to deal with. Everyone else was shocked or pretended to be shocked when she died. I knew already. Did I really post this first in May? That was when it was happening- “the death hour”. I had taken a lot of pills and I don’t remember. Is it possible? My father said that my mother had given up everything (her will to live) in June, the month of her birthday. It’s a blur, I guess I saw it coming somehow 2 months in advance. Even my therapist admits to believing that people with strong connections to one another, like twins, know things unexplainably.

I would love to just check in and say hello to all of you old time ILPers.

Bless you- thank you for being just the way you intellectuals always are! xoxoxoxo Goddess Carey

Sometimes weirdness is just weirdness, and don’t confuse ‘knowing’ with ‘causing’.

Look after yourself C. No bonus lives in this videogame.

Vortical, my mother passed away late march, she too gave up on living. She killed herself with pills and Vodka. I had not seen her in over 20 yrs. I only could talk to her once a week on the phone. A month or two before she died she started talking about making sure she sent us kids things and alot about her dead family members. I knew she was a drunk I knew that she had been fired I knew that she felt useless. She lied, she manipulated, she was a material person and thought of herself first before anyone else, she was not a good person I did not like her at all but, I loved that woman. . Her death hit me hard and yet I knew. You need to go to find some one or a group to help you. Your mother would not want you to quit. I can still feel mine with me when I hit low spots. I can hear her encouragement. You have to find strength to live for her for you and for your future. Life does not stay painful unless we let it. You have to fight and work to get past the grief and pain. Get help, its not weak, its not wrong, its why we are social creatures. We are supposed to help each other.