What is it about the human mind that will crave change while being absolutely terrified of it?
Case In Point: I hate, hate HATE Job Corps. I want to leave here so badly. Last week, I got a job offer, and may be leaving in the next two weeks. This is very sudden. I’m scared shitless. I’ve been dependent on the system for eight and a half months, and while I know I’m fully capable of taking care of myself, having done it for years before coming here, I’m scared at the lack of support I’ll have when I leave (even though I will still technically be a JC student).
What is the sense of these mixed emotions? How can I want to get away so badly, and yet be so scared of what comes next? I know I’m moving on to bigger and better things. The job I’ll be pursuing is nothing exceptional, but it is the first step in a long ladder. Why the fear? I attempt to step outside of my emotions and figure this out, but answers are not coming clearly. Surely the fear of failure isn’t the reason, I’ve been sufficiently trained in my field and am prepared for the next step. I know I can thrive when living alone, in fact I prefer to live alone as it makes life so much less complicated. I know when I leave I won’t have to deal with all of the drama and bullshit, I won’t have to be a babysitter anymore. All good things.
Any thoughts on where the fear comes from? I want more than the whole “Fear is a natural reaction to change” bullshit everyone spouts. I adore change, have always chaffed when left in one place for too long, so that’s just not going to cut it. This is a very strange sensation for me, and I’m altogether befuddled.
Please don’t be offended if I relate your life-altering decision to an eight-dollar choice.
So there I was, sitting in an Olive Garden, about to order the same thing I had the three times I’d been there before, and then I got adventurous. “I fear change,” I told the waitress, “but if you tell me this is good I’ll try it.” She did, and I did. I was so let down.
Seriously though, I think it’s not a fear of change, but a fear of losing the known and approaching the unknown. You hate Job Corps, but you know how to live with it. Going to a new place means a whole ensemble of unknowns.
Also, that anxiety you fear in your belly might be equally caused from genuine positive excitement, not fear. It’s hard to tell the difference between the two, especially when they’re both happening at the same time.
All that said, I refuse to ever order anything other than a stromboli from Villa Grande in my home town. I ordered it the first time and every time since. You’ll know when you have a good thing going.
Separation anxiety is common and normal. Fear of the unknown is also common and normal. These are basic human psychological reactions. They are also somewhat individual, as some people have a great deal of these, some have relatively little, and it will vary from individual to individual across the same situations. I doubt you will ever eradicate the reaction itself, but you can eradicate the reaction to a certain stimulus or situation - for example, to moving to a new place, or to starting a new job. Typically, repeated experience with these situations over time will dull the anxiety or fear response.
Whenever I live in one place for too long (usually around the 8-month mark I’ve noticed) I start to feel this horrible itchy feeling to get the hell out. After eight months I’ve met most of the people I could possibly meet, know my area, and am just going about a daily routine. Routine’s make me feel like I’m dying. I don’t know why, but I have to shake things up. Usually this consists of quitting my job, moving out of my apartment, and relocating at least an hour away from wherever I am. I don’t fear moving to a new place, and get a minimal amount of jitters when beginning a new job. I find change to be stimulating. I am, in fact, a creature of habit. My habit is to change my situation.
