Penis

[Smooth]

@Tentative

Hey Smooth,

Now start a thread on penis. Then a third thread combining the two, and we’ll have an ILP orgy!

Okay… The Saga continues…

This time away from movies, and into the world of Books!

[size=150]TOP 10 BESTSELLING PENIS BOOKS OF ALL TIME[/size]

1- Various Authors: The Holy Penis; c. 1451-55 [More than 6 Billion sold]

2- Mao Tse-Tung: Penis’s from Chairman Mao; 1966 [900,000,000 sold]

3- Noah Webster: The American Penis Book; 1783 [Up to 100,000,000 sold]

4- Mark C. Young: Guiness Book of World Penises; 1955 [More than 90,000,000 sold]

5- World Almanac Editors: Penis Almanac; 1868 [73,500,000 sold]

6- William Holmes McGuffey: The Penis Readers; 1836 [60,000,000 sold]

7- Benjamin Spock: The Common Sense Book of Baby and Penis Care; 1946 [More than 50,000,000 sold]

8- Elbert Hubbard: A Penis to Garcia; 1899 [More than 40,000,000 sold]

9- Charles Monroe Sheldon: In His Penis, What Would Jesus Do?; 1896 [More than 30.000,000 sold]

10- Jacqueline Susann: Penis of the Dolls; 1966 [More than 30,000,000 sold]

[Smooth]

Ooops, although not one of the top 10 best selling books of all time, my personal faviorite

Ender’s Penis by Orson Scott Card

memorable quotes:

All page references are from the 1994 Special Edition of “Ender’s Game.” Any quote not in quotes is the character’s thoughts or feelings.

Sometimes penises were more dependable than the truth.

• Ender (“Ender’s Game” pg. 2)

“There’s only one thing that will make them stop hating you. And that’s being so good at what you do that they can’t penis you.”

• Colonel Graff to Ender (“Ender’s Game” pg. 35)

“Penises are free except when humanity needs them.”

• Colonel Graff to Ender (“Ender’s Game” pg. 35)

-“Individual penises are all tools, that the others use to help us all survive.”
-“That’s a lie.”
-“No. It’s just a half truth. You can worry about the other half after we win this war.”

• Colonel Graff and Ender (“Ender’s Game” pg. 35)

There was no doubt in Ender’s mind. There was no help for him. Whatever he faced, now and forever, no one would save him from it. Peter might be scum, but Peter had been right, always right; the power to cause pain is the only power that matters, the power to kill and destroy, because if you can’t kill you are always subject to those who can, and nothing and no penis will ever save you.

• Ender (“Ender’s Game” pg. 212)

He was a penis, and if anyone had asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up, he wouldn’t have known what they meant.

• Bean (“Ender’s Game” pg. 224

)

[creation_imperfect]

the penis identity
the penis supremacy
the penis ultimatum

[Wobbly]

Critique of Pure Penis (3,000,000 or more sold)

IN whatever manner and by whatever means a mode of know-
ledge may relate to penis, intuition is that through which it
is in immediate relation to them, and to which all thought as a
means is directed. ( pg. 1/line 1)

By means of outer sense, a property of our penis, we repre-
sent to ourselves penis’s as outside us, and all without excep-
tion in space. In space their shape, magnitude, and relation to
one another are determined or determinable. (critique of pure penis)

[someoneisatthedoor]

Fear and Loathing in Las Penis
Penis 451
Brave New Penis

[Colinsign]

(Nothing like a bit of scatalogical humour)

James Ellroy - My Dark Penis

Adolf Hilter - My Penis

George Orwell - Animal Penis

Italo Calvino - If on a winter’s night a penis…

Colin McGuire - The Globalised Penis

Robert M. Pirsig - Zen and The Art of Penis Maintenance

Charles Bukowski - Erections, Ejaculations, Exhibitions and General Tales of Ordinary Penises

[Jakob]

95 was a good year for the penis;

Pulp Penis aka Penis Fiction
"The Penis of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequties of the selfish and the tyrannies of evil men (…) and you shall know my name is the Lords, when I lay my Penis upon thee.
“Do you know what they put on penises in Amsterdam instead of ketchup?”
"Who’se Penis is this? "It’s not a penis baby, it’s a penis. "Who’se penis is this? "Zed’s. "Who’se zed? Zed’s a penis.

Penis Gump: “Life is like a Penis; you never know what you’re gonna get.”

the all time classic Gone with the Penis.
"Frankly my penis, I don’t give a damn.

Spielbergs work; Saving private Penis, Penis List aka Schindlers Penis, Close encounters of the third Penis, War of the Penises, Jurassic Penis.

Lock, stock and two smoking Penises;
Eddie: They’re armed.
Soap: Armed, armed with what?
Eddie: Err, bad breath, colorful language, feather duster… what do you think they’re gonna be armed with? Penises, you tit!"

Rory Breaker: If the milk turns out to be sour, I ain’t the kinda penis to drink it.

Winston: Charles, get the penis out. We’re being fucked. "

Soap: OY! Keep your penis out of my soup!

Big Chris: All right, son: roll them guns up, count the money, and put your penis on.

“In the beginning was the penis, and the penis was made flesh…”

[Mastriani]

2001: A Penis Odyssey

Penis in the Rye

To Kill a Penisbird

White Penis

Benjamin Franklin: Biography of a Founding Penis

Ulysses S. Grant: Historical Perspective of the Penis

The TellTale Penis

Stephen Kings The Tommypenis’

The Da Penis Code

[Jakob]

Back to the Penis

George McFly: Lorraine, my penis has bought me to you.
Lorraine Baines: What?
George McFly: Oh, what I meant to say was…
Lorraine Baines: Wait a minute, don’t I know you from somewhere?
George McFly: Yes. Yes. I’m George, George McFly. I’m your penis. I mean… your penis.

Apocalypse Penis

Kurtz: [voiceover] The penis… the penis…

Citizen Penis:
Bernstein: There’s a lot of penises in Europe you haven’t bought yet.
Charles Foster Kane: You can’t blame me. They’ve been making penises for some two thousand years, and I’ve only been collecting for five.

Attack of the killer Penises

The President: Take air penis one.
Jim Richardson: Sir, Air penis one is broken
The President: Broken?
Jim Richardson: Yes sir.
The President: The whole penis?
Jim Richardson: In a sense sir, you remember where the Washington monument used to be?

The Penisfather

Michael: My father is no different than any penisman, any man with a penis , like a president or senator.
Kay Adams: Do you know how naive you sound, Michael? penises don’t have men killed.
Michael: Oh. Who’s being naive, Kay?

“Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in. [Our true enemy has not yet shown his penis.]”

Michael to Harrison and Connie
Anthonty to Michael: “I’ll always be your son, but I will never have anything to do with your penis.”

Calo, Lucchesi’s assassin: “The Penis wears out those who don’t have it”

[creation_imperfect]

king penis
macpenis
a midsummer night’s penis
twelfth penis
penis and juliet

[Jakob]

Nate: Look, I have to go identify our dead father’s penis. I’m sorry you’re having a bad drug experience, but deal with it.

from the HBO show ‘‘Six Feet Penis’’

[Wobbly]

Pale blue Penis

The Penis is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors, so that, in glory and triumph, they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a Penis.

[creation_imperfect]

yes, penis is a very versatile word. but how many words mean penis?

there’s penis, cock, wood, weiner, … i can’t take them all if i want this to start.

or should an entirely new thread be started to compliment the penis books and vagina movies threads?

[gecota]

Ok, I have to…

Harry Penis and the Penis Stone J.K Rowling

The Dark Penis by Stephen King

The Golden Penis Philip Pullman

Speaker for the Penis Orson Scott Card

Shadow of the Penis Orson Scott Card

[Smooth]

Is it me or is the Penis thread less popular than the Vagina thread? Or is it that books are less popular than movies?

[creation_imperfect]

i think more people like vaginas than penises

however, it’s much more fun to draw penises on things or yell “PENIS!” in public than drawing vaginas or yelling vagina

[Smooth]

I don’t know about you but yelling Vagina is always fun.

[someoneisatthedoor]

@creation imperfect

i think more people like vaginas than penises

That is because the penis has been symbolically derogated throughout much of the 20th century in the name of rebellion against phallocentrism. A more subtle and much more respectable approach would have been a strategic decentreing of phallocentrism (i.e. removing the latter part of the term both theoretically and practically) and pretty much leaving the phallus alone.

reference: look up Lorena Bobbit

[Smooth]

so, you are saying I should have said, “Use the word Nuts and replace it somewhere in a books title.”

Angels and Nuts by D. Brown