I walk wounded,
Scarred
By the sights
I see everyday
Closing my eyes
Everywhere i walk
When i am confronted
I pretend to look
At this miserable being,
Horrible fiend
Grave robbing,
Keen*?
im new to this stuff! cut me some slack…
please leave feedback
Ok…feedback.
“Closing my eyes
Everywhere i walk
When i am confronted
I pretend to look”
This is a good line, in an unfortunaly lifeless poem (for me).
I would be interested to read about “the sights” you see, to be shown these sights, via well written imagery, than to read about you walking around taking in wounding sights – hearing that is emotionally lifeless for me.
“At this miserable being,
Horrible fiend”
I guess, this violates the adage (one you don’t have to nessarly follow always, but should try to adhere to most of the time) of “Show rather than tell.” Also, you’re prescribing judgement to a “being” that I don’t see, and one that I may not nessesarly agree with had I seen him and his actions. (Personally, I see no reason to condemn a person robbing a grave). I take this theory from Chekhov, (who I agree with), who argued that it is not for the author to judge, it is for the reader; the author’s duty, being simply, to present life and allow the reader judge for her or himself.
Also, what did you mean by Keen?
Sorry if I seemed a bit harsh, I meant everything I said to be constructive criticism, nothing else.
Thank you!
No, it wasnt harsh at all.
By keen i mean tricky.