There are many different circumstantial contexts that one might find oneself in when someone they love dies. Likewise different people have different ways in which to cope with or express their grief. For some the emotional reaction might be so intensely personal they can behave in ways that baffle others. Or startle them. Or even concern them.
There’s just no getting around the fact that when it comes to a great loss there is no one size fits all rebound. And some won’t ever rebound at all.
It’s hard enough to get inside the heads of others when dealing only with day to day changes. But when you are asked to respond to them in times of emotional upheaval the task can become little more than coping as best you can.
Pietro has just lost his wife. And on the same day that he saved the life of a woman who was drowning in the ocean. And part of his grief revolves around the fact that at the time his daughter saw him as somehow responsible for her mother’s death. Her mother fell and she tried three times to contact him. Why wasn’t he there? Why was he at the beach instead?
And so he is determined to always be there for his daughter. He takes her to school and then waits all day outside the school to take her home. Day after day after day.
His whole frame of mind is in tumult but on the outside he always appears calm. The chaos is all on the inside. Coping with a world in which life and death are always perched precariously over one or another existential abyss. Not to mention all of the turbulence that can reside just in the act of interacting with family and friends and work colleagues otherwise. And this always revolves around options.
And, for most of us, the part about earning a living. Capitalism and grief? Well, maybe another film.
IMDb
Isabella Ferrari nearly drowned in the first scene of the film.
at wiki: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quiet_Chaos_(film
trailer: youtu.be/WFhvx7eRBQY
QUIET CHAOS [Caos Calmo] 2008
Directed by Antonello Grimaldi
[b]Carlo [to his brother Pietro]: What a bunch of shits! We rescued a couple of bitches on a beach full of shitheads!
…
Claudia [to her father after her mother died]: Papa! Where were you? I called you three times. Why didn’t you come straight back? Mom fell! Where were you?!
…
Pietro [on the phone with his secretary]: Analisa, it’s me. I won’t be in this morning.
Analisa: But you have an appointment at 11 with Anica. And one at midday about the live broadcast of the festival.
Pietro: Cancel them both. I’m in front of my daughter’s school. I told her I’d wait here until she came out. So I’m staying here.
Analisa: The president has asked about you. What shall I tell him?
Pietro: Tell him the truth. Tell him that I’m not coming in today. I’ll see him tomorrow.
…
Claudia: Rats live on no evil star.
Pietro: What’s that? What’s all this about rats.
Claudia: Do you give up?
Pietro: Yes, I give up?
Claudia: It’s a palindrome. “rats live on no evil star”. You can read it back-to-front. It’s reversible. The teacher explained that some things are reversible and others are irreversible.[/b]
Like things that happen in the lives we live.
Pietro [voiceover]: A list of things I didn’t know about Lara: She went to a fortune-teller because she was sick. She had a lot of money in her bank account. She always told everything to her sister. She’d booked an appointment with a plastic surgeon…She exchanged emails with “Gianni dot Orzan” who just happened to be the guy who writes the stories Claudia loves. And now I am about to read what the fuck they wrote…
One click on the mouse…
Instead, he does not read them. He deletes them. Hundreds of emails from his wife to this man…
Pietro: It annoys me that people I don’t even know are talking about me.
Carlo: Yes, but you camp out on a bench like a madman, distraught…
Pietro: I’m not distraught.
Carlo: It’s normal to be upset…
Pietro: I’m not upset. I’m not suffering.
Carlo; Then what are you doing here?
Pietro: I like it here.
Carlo: You like sitting on a bench outside a school all day?!
The inevitable grief counseling group…
[b]Manuela [the psychotherapist]: How did the need to discuss death come about?
Woman in the group: It was spontaneous thing. Because many of us found ourselves discussing death with our children.
Mauuela: When we talk about death, we usually refer to someone’s death. Our own death, our loved ones…the dead soldiers the children see on TV. I would like you to think about a very simple but fundamental fact. We transfer our empotions onto our children. Until a certain age what they feel is a repitition of what we parents feel. Not what we make an effort to show, but what are real feelings are.
Pietro [voiceover]: My brother said it. This woman has just said it. If Claudia is not suffering perhaps it’s because I’m not suffering enough.
…
Pietro [voiceover]: A list of things I’ve been able to look at: The thousands of glasses piled up in Auschwitz. The brushes and combs, again at Auschwitz. Car crashes on the motorway. When they took Claudia’s blood sample. The green vomit in The Exorcist. Lara lying on the ground surrounded by slices of melons.
[suddenly he faints and falls to the floor]
…
Pietro [aloud to himself in the car]: I made a fucking fool of myself! List of places I will never go back to: a “Parents Together” meeting.
…
Elenora: I want to ask you an important question. What exactly happened when you and your brother jumped into the sea?
Pietro: We swam out to you.
Elenora: Yes, but before that. No one said anything? You just jumped in? Your brother said a man tried to stop you.
Pietro: He was an idot, he looked scared. He told us we would never manage it.
[she shows him a photograph]
Elenora: Is this him, the idiot? Just say yes or no.
Pietro: Yes, that’s him.
[She walks away. Then stops. She takes off her wedding band and drops it into the storm drain]
…
Pietro: What is it?
Claudia: A thought.
Pietro: About what?
Claudia: My present. Remember I told you about my teacher on the first day?
Pietro: The first day? I can’t remember.
Claudia: Rats live on no evil star. Reversibility. She told us about it and you started waiting here. I thought the two things were linked. A nice thing happens and it happens again. Because it’s irreversible. You can’t stay here forever, right? I thought you’d tell me you had to go back to the office. I was happy that you never told me. It’s just that…
Pioetro: Just that…
Claudia: My friends have started to make fun of me. You know what kids are like…cruel. Papa, the the present I would like from you…
Pietro: I get it…don’t go on.[/b]