There is no real way to keep a young teenage boy from discovering pornography.
If this is true, then should a father get in there first, and supply him with that pornography…?
This is done with alcohol in a lot of families, and seems to work out quite well with regard to those children growing up with a healthy respect and understanding of alcohol – its use and its dangers.
Can we, therefore, apply the same logic to pornography…?
Other things to consider would be :
WHICH porn to use ?
Hand it to him or leave it lying around ?
What age, and are you commiting a crime by ‘actively sexualising’ a minor ?
[size=117]** Please try and keep this clean and sensible, no posting of links etc. **
** I’m looking for a serious discussion here… Don’t get this thread locked/deleted. **[/size]
This is an interesting topic indeed. I’m sure almost every male in here has had an experience hiding porn from their parents. I don’t have a child yet but whatever their age or sex (or sexual orientation for that matter), I think it it perfectly acceptable to allow the child access to porn without consequence. The reason I say this is simple: pornography is a display of human bodies involved in a natural experience. It seems trivial to me that we ‘puritan’ Americans expose children to excessive violence but freak out at the expose of a nipple, a human organ.
It would be unwise to encourage the child’s peers to view pornography since that would undoubtly cause their parents concern, but I see no ill in talking to your child about such things.
I don’t follow the theories that pornography encourages violence against women, or transforms children into perverts, etc. Teenagers are ‘perverted’ anyway and pornography simply provides them with a visual aid.
I think the real issue with pornography is that it reduces human beings to simple binary objects. It also creates unrealistic expectations of actual sexual encounters.
You obviously haven’t thought this through Mr. Arthritis… " Whatever their age " ??
You would give a minor total free-rein on the internet… Are you serious…?
Here again, I disagree, and believe you must be fairly unfamiliar which what passes as mainstream/typical in the world of pornography today. Allowing any minor uncensored or unmediated access to this element of the internet would be considered a crime by many.
" Teenagers are ‘perverted’ anyway "… Again, I disagree, and am a firm believer in monkey-see-monkey-do.
There is little love or comedy in the porn of today… especially american porn, which is increasingly available; feature-length, high-resolution, totally free (no credit card needed)… Are you over 18 ? - Yes I am [ click ].
Aaaah, Mucius… Fellow European… Multilingual if memory serves…?
Do you have an opinion regarding the ‘retarded madness’ that is mainstream-american-porn.
From memory, I seem to remember a distinct element of ’ FUN ’ depicted in European-Pornography, when watching the ‘brief-highlights’ on English TV shows such as ‘Eurotrash’.
There was, however, an element of ‘faggy-ness’ associated with that show, but most times such behaviour was lampooned… which is always healthy ( societally speaking ).
[size=84]* Let’s make a thread to remember… Postal chess… I would have been good at that. *[/size]
As someone who had a thriving business dealing porn in middle school and concequently had to watch a lot of it (mixed tapes generally sell better), I have to say that most of it out there is pretty tame.
While the internet has clearly broadened the access to porn and various less-tame forms of it, usually those have to be sought out. Most porn sites are just a barrage of images, but rather are thematically organized and within those themes there are thumbnails giving a taste of what is to come.
So, what that means, is that to get to the really raunchy stuff, one has to actively desire to see it and seek it out. If they don’t seek it out (and I think it is unlikely that a 14 year old is going to actively seek out, or even know about, some of the more disturbing types of images out there), then they really won’t see anything too shocking.
That said, I think that there are certain roles and rules in society and that these foundations are generally a fine idea. While I think it would be an uncomfortable breech of the parent-child relationship to pass on pornography, I think that it is acceptable for a parent to, well forget to turn on the child-safety search features after a while. Let them do the exploration in their own due time on their own terms.
My sexuality certainly isn’t something I would want my parents messing around in; indeed, interacts regarding it with my parents have been nothing but incredibly unpleasant. In choosing which and what type of pornography you pass on you are excerting a fair amount of influence in an area that should be left to the individual.
Yes, a “crime by many”, but not by me. I’m not going to be so naive to assume my children don’t have sexual desires. This is not to say that I encourage my children to actively puruse these desires, NOT AT ALL. I think the child needs a healthy understanding of sexuality and perhaps it will shape them into a well developed person instead of your average Judeo-Christian neurotic who fears their own flesh. I am not promoting pornography or under age sex, but I will not misinform or lie to a kid. I lost my virginity when I was 10 years old. This may be difficult for some people to fathom but they are deluding themselves if they turn a blind eye to what goes on when parents aren’t around.
This is indeed an interesting topic. I recall seeing or reading something about pornography accessible on public television in northern European countries like Denmark and Norway. It is in this respect to European culture that they understand the inherent need for a young person to develop a working knowledge of sex and sexuality for personal and marital happiness.
I would imagine that anything hardcore, like bondage porn, is out of the question. You would want to expose your child to the act of sex as it being a natural expression of love and positive energy, nothing negative.
Public access on the television would suffice… heh. In any case, no matter how the young person manages to get a hold of porn, it should be important for the parent to sit down with his/her offspring and explain at least which kind of porn is unacceptable and that it is perfectly natural to explore that aspect of the human psyche. Then we have to ask, how far should the parent go? …would it seem too odd for the mother to go with her young daughter to the local sex shop to help her pick out a vibrator?
While I agree with the bulk of your statement, I think we diverge on this point. Bondage-porn and forms of sado-masochism are undoubtly viewed by most as negative or violent, and for a while such desires where considered a form of clinical insanity. Feminisists even used sadism as
‘proof’ that marriage was a form of rape. These notions are pure nonsense. S&M is a healthy and productive form of sexual intercourse and I attest that it is more emotionally satisfying than standard sex. Bondage is a way for some people to momentarilty unburden themselves from themselves, from the weight of control and ego. If you wish to allow a child to understand sexuality you need to allow the child to come into their own sexuality.
That’s a very interesting point you have there. I did not really look at it in that sense. Shall we then introduce sex with the thought in mind that it is beyond good and evil? That no matter how it may seem to adopt certain stereotypes and classifications, it is all merely an expression of the human psyche? To each his or her own, yes?
I will say my oppinion is simple, why not. If you activly hide it from them they will seek it out behind your backs, at least if you introduce them to it somewhat, namely when they show intrest in such things, you can at least keep an eye on it and tell them the truth to the best of your knowledge.
As for weather to hand it to them or leave it for them, that would depend on your personal perspectives, I myself would probably be unable to keep a streight face with a serious conversation so I would probably leave it for him with a note to help ithe gesture make more sense.
What porn to introduse them too would depend on whats available and your personal standing point, but it would probablly be ideal to introduce them to softer variaties. but closing other types off could simply spark their curriosity further and again action behind ypour back, openess would be ideal in this sort of concideration.
It is amazing how ironic this statement is. You fear that children will be abused by sexual predators yet you would deny them information on sexual intercourse and access to pornography, making them unaware of sexuality. You also assume that because I am discussing this topic that I might have some self interest or that I am a pervert.
The bottom line is that the more you deny children the right to sex and purposely misinform or restrict access to sex education, the more dangers they encounter: pregnancy, STDs, rape, sexual predation, social dysfunction.
Here is a good resource to understand youth sexuality:
for some reason I’m under the impression you only started this thread to argue, so far each point that said anything about it in a posative light you have assulted. this either makes me think you are some tweaked bastard just out for a fight, you are/were playing devils advocate just to get reactions, or you were hoping the majority would support the idea that it is wrong outright so you yourself could feel at peace beleiving so.
What makes me say this is not only have you argued against each point for the posative but you have yet to give a decent argument as to why, whatever the case is I hope you resolve it before you open a post like this, it’s such a dissapointment when I see a good oppertunity for an educated debate and only find an argument fitting of middle school children.
Good way of putting it into words. I am a conservative voter but I sometimes sway in a libertarian direction on account of sex. I don’t feel it is the government’s, society’s, or even the family’s business being involved in people’s sexuality. If someone wants to sleep with barn animals it’s none of my business. Regulating sex is like trying to regulate the way people eat- some eat salads and some eat burgers. Sex is beyond good and evil in the sense that it is an automatic biological reaction which lies outside of all attempts to control and contain it.
A parent should discuss intercourse, the dangers, and safe sex with their children and ask them to participate at a later age but it falls onto the personal use of their own body. As long as the people involved consent to the intercourse it is fine and they will have to take their own responsibility as to the side effects.
My-my, so many possibilities… I am clever, aren’t I ?
I have only argued against one particular individual… Call me old-fashioned, but I find the image of a sado-masochism practitioner, walking hand in hand with a child, a little bit hard to stomach.
Also, most " middle school children " know how to use spell-checking aids… If you are dyslexic, I apologise. Reading between the lines though, I can tell you are wise, considerate, and with above-average intelligence.
I claim no ownership over this thread, and will wait patiently until someone older and wiser than myself makes a meaningful and practical contribution.
I am in my early thirties, and, although I am not ‘actively’ a parent, I am a father… ‘allegedly’.
Of all the things my father taught me the one thing I am most fond of is “knowledge is power” if you know and understand something you can use it, you can dismantle it, you can avoid it and you can find it.
If your children know what’s involved and the inherant risks they can decide for themselves what they want and desire, because they will have that power to choose for themselves what is right.
Another thing I learned from my dad was “humans fear what they do not understand”, so I made a point to understand the things I feared so I could have power over them and not visa versa, as such there are few things I fear.
BTW: perhaps you should do more reserch into those topics that bother you, it might help aleviate some degree of stress form your mind,
Arthritis was not mistaken in his statements, and it only requires an honest effort and reserch to determine that for yourself. Not relying on age old bias to conform your judgement.
Jeez, where did you guys grow up? In an Amish village? Kids don’t need there parents to introduce them to sexuality. They’ve been managing it just fine with minimal damage to themselves for 100,000 years.
All of a sudden your kids are the first generation whose instincts won’t take care of the “learning to breed” thing? Kids today are smart and technologically sophisticated. They are probably more adept at finding free porn, then covering their tracks than you are.
Allowing them to pursue it as the rate their biology sees fit is the natural thing to do. That way you don’t run the risk of initiating them to ideas they aren’t ready for.
Besides, who here wants to call up their mom and/or dad right now and have a lengthy in-depth conversation about what kind of porn you like? Porn isn’t damaging. Parents being creepy and intrusive about sex is damaging. I don’t want to talk to MY mother about my personal interest/experiance with bdsm any more than your kids want to talk about it with you.
They’ll figure out advanced masterbation tecniques and sexual preferances all on their own, trust me. That’s how it’s meant to be.
for some reason republigoth, I find that I like your concepts on the matter, though I would try to be open with my children I suppose it would be best to let them ask the questions they saw fit rather than to push any issues.