Post a Pic digression

Anthem - Rush - typically Canadian - bittersweet. Great band, but I lost a pair of (factory) car stereo speakers to them back in the eighties. (That was waay back when you usually had only two speakers in your car. You went to the movies to hear a subwoofer.)

I mean, you listen to 2112 at full volume or you don’t listen at all.

Sandy - I didn’t rub anything in. I was barely touching them. Honest.

Pav - I usually have a sort of minimum tip. Probably about three bucks, even if breakfast is six bucks.

After that, I usually tip 20 to 25%.

Unless the waitress is really hot. I once tipped 35% to a stunning (top ten in my life) Russian girl in Cambridge who had spilled half a bottle of wine on me. I mean, this girl was outrageous. And it was only white wine.

Usually about a buck a drink at a bar.

Your tip scale is fairly close to mine, except I probably end up tipping a higher percentage on large bills.

I don’t know how much a beer or a shot usually goes for in Maine, but for here, a buck a drink would be pretty liberal. I usually just wait until the end and tip 25% of whatever I spent.

Around here a domestic bottle is generally $2, an import is $3, except Guinness which is usually $4. So, a buck a drink would be more than 25% on everything except Guinness where it would be even.

Well, Call, and Top Shelf usually go $3, $4, $5, except for something like Patron or Bombay Sapphire which is $6. So, shots, I usually end up tipping more than a buck a drink because I never drink anything from the Well, and I drink some call and some Top Shelf.

You drink for cheap. Bud is usually 2.75 or even three bucks, here.

I wouldn’t even pay the $2 that they want for that shit, here.

What about shots, btw?

Man, Pav, wish I had had more customers like you! I was a waiter and I generally don’t go over 25% on anything over $10. My best tips top out around 30%. I have tipped 100% on small bills before for good reason, though.

Faust - Sorry for your loss, but at least they died doing something they love.

Pav - At my place, 4.75 for well. Calls are 5.50 - 7.00 or so. And we are midmarket.

Anthem - Yeah, but it was ugly. Total harmonic distortion.


My theory has always been if you don’t have enough money to tip, then you don’t have enough money to eat out. Just order take out from somewhere, or go to the drive through if you want to be cheap about it.

Besides, the waiters and waitresses (at least, around here) have to have the tips. Otherwise, they only get starting out at $3.60/hour.


What’s Disaronno or Bombay Sapphire run? $10/shot?

No. Sapph is probably 6.25 and Disarrono the same, I guess. $7.00 would be Goose and the like. Some of the tequilas are higher.

Petron is probably higher.

Grey Goose is more than Sapphire out there?

Sapphire here is $6, Goose is $5 (with the other top shelf stuff) and Disaronno is $5

I suppose that $5.50-$7.00 for a call is not that ridiculous, it is a little ridiculous, though. In Kansas City, MO, call shots were usually $4.50-$6.00 with certain things being $6.50. Of course, being a regular had it’s advantages. At O’Doud’s (KC) they’d give me a Martini (Bombay Sapphire) for $4 and they would give me a 22oz glass of Beamish for two bucks.

I haven’t been to a bar (other than the one here in the hotel because I occasionally have to be) in nearly a year, I don’t think. That’s fine, though, drinking at home is far less expensive anyway.

Yeah, but they only need one table an hour at an average of $5 a table to be doing better than minimum wage. 30% is very generous.

Worst tip I ever got was a table of four who ordered four steaks, wouldn’t speak to me other than to order (they were black in a pretty black area and clearly thought the white boy was interrupting), stayed for three hours, and then left me $80 on a bill of $78.40. At a freakin’ DENNY’S. It was the two girls at that point. “Do…you want your change?” “Oh no, that’s for you.” I had to walk away before I killed one of them. I told my other waitress friend and she ran after them and gave them the $1.60 back with a, “Clearly you need this more than us.” I loved her. Hope she’s doing well. But she was 50 and still smoking pot and working on getting fired at Denny’s so I dunno.

I think my best tip was like $20 bucks on a $50 bill. Not the largest, but the best.

I think the best tip I’ve ever given was at The Diner in State College. A friend of mine and I had just finished a project and the only thing open was the 24 hour diner. This girl that was waiting on us was clearly having the worst night of our life and kept having to come to us to tell us there were more problems with our order. We were just happy to be there and done with our project so we didn’t care. About the time that she came back with tears in her eyes to tell us the cook walked out and it would be a few more minutes we decided we were going to tip her well. I think we doubled a $16 bill or something. It was so funny.

Five dollar goose? Unheard of, here.

I’m a gin guy. A Tanqueray and tonic runs $5.50 here and $6.50 where I used to work.

I rarely drink at home. Unless I am trying to get lai…more social with someone.

Trying to know them.


That’s very true, but I’m not sure they always get it. I tend to eat out on dead days at dead times. It’s not unusual for me to go with my wife and son to either the best Italian place, the best Chinese place or the best American place around here within fifty miles and be taking up one of two tables occupied in the place.

I mean you no offense, but Denny’s is gross. I’m surprised that the people that frequent that chain have the ability to tip anything. I even tried to like Denny’s after they did that, “Free breakfast for everybody,” thing last year. I went to denny’s for the first time in four years and intentionally ordered the most expensive thing on the menu thinking that they would try to go out of their way not to fuck that up. They may have tried, but they were not successful.

So, even though I think Denny’s is gross, I still have a lot of respect for what they did that day.

…Even though it was just a probability of future return based Marketing tactic. The tactic worked on me, anyway.

Have you ever watched, “Waiting?” There was a scene with basically the same thing, except it was the actual waiter that brought it back and it was one couple dining. Having worked in the food industry, you’d love that movie!

The best tip I ever gave was at an Olive Garden in Pittsburgh. Actually, I think it was technically in Monroeville. Anyway, this waiter there was fantastic and the food actually turned out very well, which is a surprise because The Olive Garden is usually a pathetic excuse for an Italian restaurant. Anyway, the drinks were always filled, and he even gave us new silverware mid-meal without being asked. I never would have asked, anyway, I’ve never requested that my silverware be changed.

He joked around with my wife and I, though she was not yet my wife then. He was also very spritely but not overbearing about it, most of the spritely ones are overbearing.

Anyway, I matched the bill for his tip. Drinks, taxes and everything.

The best tip I have ever received (bartending) came on a pretty slow night. This guy was at the bar with his girlfriend and they had probably consumed about $12 worth of drinks. Anyway, she dumped him for some reason, I wasn’t really paying attention.

He put down a $50 probably thinking it was a $20 and started to walk away. I said, “Dude, this is a fifty. I think you may have some change coming back to you.”

He muttered, “Fuck it,” and walked out.

Best tip I ever got was a hundred on a sixty dollar tab. Because I am that good.

Anthem - I wish I had more Bible study session here at home than I do.

Did you f*** her?

I’m just kidding, but you have to give some details here!

Guy told me he’d tip me $100.00 if I kept the bar open until one o’clock, not realising that it was the new policy of the place to stay open until one as long as there were customers in the place.

Hey - I was just trying to make a living.

Do what you’ve got to do.

There are only two occasions where I have not tipped anything, though I am proud to say that I have never refused to pay a bill nor have I ever asked for a bill to be reduced. (Unless, the bill itself was wrong)

The first occasion was I was at a bar, and it was right after they instituted the public smoking ban. Actually, I was surprised that this bar actually adhered to it because most bars didn’t and still don’t.

I had just ordered another martini, but I decided to smoke a cigarette. I had only taken one sip of the martini and eaten one olive. (I usually get them with three olives, eat one prior to drinking it and the other two after)

I gave this bartender every tell possible that I was still going to be there. I left my jacket hanging on the stool (It wasn’t that cold out), I took my martini and pulled it as close to my side of the bar as was safe to do. I didn’t leave any money out (Like I said, I tip at the end)

Anyway, this asshole still dumped my martini, but that was fine. I simply asked for my martini to be replaced.

He said no.

“Are you kidding me? I left my jacket, I barely touched the thing, couldn’t you tell I was still here?”

“Shouldn’t have walked out.”

“I didn’t! You guys are the only place in this State adhering to this ridiculous smoking law, I had to go outside!”

“We don’t give free drinks, here.”

“I don’t want a free drink, I want the drink I paid for.”

“Then go down the sink and get it.”

I still don’t know what this guy’s problem was, but he got no tip from me. That sucks for him, I spent like $30 there, so that would be an $8 tip. (I round up to the nearest dollar from 25%)

The other time I took my sister out to eat at this restaurant. The backstory, in short, is that my sister and I were literally the only people in the dining room section and I was informed by the waitress (after attempting to order six different things) that none of the things were on the menu.

“Listen, I know this isn’t your fault. You’re a waitress, you don’t do the ordering. But, can you tell me what is available from the menu, please?”

“If ya ain’t satisfied with the selection, ya ain’t gotta eat here.”

“No, I’m sure the selection is fine. I just can’t be sure judging from this menu what the selection is, so I’d appreciate it if you tell me.”

Ultimately, she told me just to order something from one of the specials. So, I ordered myself a beer and my sister and I both ordered one of the specials and an appetizer that they had about half of.

“Can you double it, then?”

“Double what?”

“The amount of the stuff you put on the appetizer. The platter is missing half the stuff, so just double everything else and I’ll have that.”

“You want two appetizers?”

“No, there are supposed to be six items on the platter. You have three. I want you to take the amount of those three you would normally put and double them to compensate for not having all six. I’m not paying $8.99 for half of an appetizer.”

“K, whatever.”

We waited forever for the food. I ended up having to take my empty beer bottle to the bar and my sister’s empty Pepsi glass to the kitchen door to get refills because this waitress never came back, except to bring the food.

When we were done eating we sat there for a good half hour waiting for her to come back. I finally started looking around for her and she was in the bar on some guy’s lap. I ended up just walking into the kitchen and telling the cook to figure out how much my bill was supposed to be. I knew how much it was supposed to be already, but I was worried about them calling the cops for saying I walked, or something.

He wrote up a tab for me (which I made him sign a copy of) and took the cash. I asked him if there was a busser, or if the waitress cleaned it. He informed me the latter was the case. I went over to the table and spilt my beer on it, then I poured sugar, salt and pepper all over the place.

Then, I left.


And no offense taken. I tried to work at every other restaurant in Monroeville, including that Olive Garden that you matched the waiter’s tip at. I was looking for a summer job and Denny’s was the only place that was willing to hire me for a few months. I should’ve just lied and said I was looking to settle down and my girlfriend just had our third mulatto baby.

Also, good work on that waitress’s table.