I’ve been thinking about how in my sickest days what I wanted was not to continue to live but to reep the benefits of what comes with living. Most of the time the maintenance of living is subconscious and when it enters into the consciousness it is a nuisance and is suffering. It takes away from our freedom to do what we please. It distracts us from what we desire to absorb ourselves in.
Being sick reminds us all too well of our mortality and distracts us from the timeless immortality that we are in when being absorbed in the world. For how many times have you been doing what you like and not even realize how the whole day has gone by? Oh how when one is suffering or bored the times seems to last for ages!
When one is performing some kind of action, whether it be running, thinking, or reading one is going with the flow of becoming. People even describe situations where one is performing what they love to do as being in the “flow”. One loses oneself in the flow.
But when one feels the sickness and death come near, one feels a resistance to his freedom. One feels the sucking away of one’s life and power to do what one wants. Only after one has experienced the sickness and suffering can one begin to appreciate the way the body fights to stay alive against the forces of dissolution so that we may continue become what we choose.