Make the most of your regrets; never smother your sorrow, but tend and cherish it till it comes to have a separate and integral interest. To regret deeply is to live afresh.
Henry David Thoreau
No one wants to be reminded of their regrets. It is an unenviable place to live. It can dominate one’s existence and become an energy draining pit, or it can be a quiet whisper that speaks to you in bewilderment. Carl Jung believed that “until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate”.
Why don’t some people consciously make the decision to take care of themselves, mentally, uncover these subconscious wounds and doggedly heal themselves. Why, become caught up in the harrowing knowledge that the desired will now never be, cannot be. The chance was missed. No amount of reasoning will change this and yet sometimes, some of us refuse to move on and the hard core truth of the matter is most of us have regret.
I am dealing with massive regrets right now of my own, constantly remind myself how foolish I was before for making these choices that are now regrets. Great moments of which I was in before have turned to memories, moments that fade to memories but will still never be forgotten forever. Often does humanity not know what they have, until it is gone. Learning from mistakes is crucial. Not only your own mistakes, but other peoples mistakes as well. This is why history is important, so that we do not repeat it.
People form the habit of allowing their feelings/emotions make their choices (bad parenting). It is called being “spoiled”. Once that happens, consciously deciding to not feel bad or eat that fattening food, doesn’t have much affect. The mind disregards the conscious because it has never been the boss and is often so confused, that no confidence can be placed in its directions.
In short, “habit” of allowing ones emotions to choose their emotions along with everything else they do = no discipline, no confidence.
i don’t know if I agree with Thoreau though I generally like what he has said. How long does one swim in the waters of their regrets? I don’t think that I agree that “to regret deeply is to live afresh” I kind of sense that to regret deeply is to have one foot in the past and one immobile…well, actually both immobile.
I think that being able to feel remorse for something but moving beyond that into self-awareness because of that remorse and atoning because of what is seen serves a much better purpose than does regret. Regret is just like stewing in our own juices and being unable to climb out of the pot. Yes, we can feel remorse toward our selves.
And yet it has to be allowed, that deep regret allows critical thinking to sink to the lowest level consciousness. There it is truly examined, even if wih hyperbolae, and not to go there, would resist an urge to ‘get to the bottom of it.’ On the surface,
everything seems serene and tranquil, but underneath?
I didn’t trust the world, or myself. I had little faith or hope. I thought I deserved to be in pain. I didn’t want to burden or shame my family.
What I feared most, was opening my heart, and being rejected. I thought I was unlovable - worthless.
Why save a monster?
(To treat oneself like a monster… It makes the actions of others more bearable. ‘I do it too. No problem, right?’ - Like a game to train the heart and mind in endurance)
Regrets are a vessel of self pity and despair. They have no purpose whatever except to those wishing to enjoy plea to others to gain advantage from sympathy.
When you follow a course of action you do so through what you reasonably know of the outcomes, and within the limitations of your capability or power. Since you cannot reliably predict the outcomes, then you cannot hold yourself responsible for events out of your control, or from unforeseen happenings.
When things turn to shit, then you move on with learning and understanding of those events. Regrets are empty - empty headed.
If that really is a Thoreau, then, he was a weak minded, and self indulgent fool.
Stop blaming yourself. When you made the choice you did so with what knowledge you thought was right at the time; all else was outside your responsibility.
So stop feeling sorry for yourself, learn from your mistakes and move on with new knowledge. If you have a positive attitude you will not make the same mistakes again.
Regrets and apologies are for children, and supplicants to god; to prove to parents that they are sorry. For adults regrets are momentary learning opportunities. Get on with your life.
I do see in your words that you do have awareness but I still wanted to add something - that sometimes the choices that we make will lead to regrets. We cannot know, we cannot see the future or examine every little part or parcel of what we’re doing. So when we think of our regrets in that way - little pieces of the unknown which never came to light or even had we known they might or even had we known what we were about - being human, we might have made the same mistakes…being human. We have to forgive ourselves which is sometimes more difficult than forgiving others. But regrets are wonderful learning experiences if we allow them to speak to us, if we listen and then send them on their way.
We can choose to think of our regrets or those actions resulting in them in a sense as little gifts that have been sent to us to forewarn us perhaps of something much better that is to come so that we hopefully WILL NOT make the same mistakes. But there is no sense in focusing on our regrets in and of themselves. Ah, and a really true gift comes in learning from other’s mistakes, if we can do that.
True. Mistakes/regrets are part of being human. So is learning though, which is the part I love. Mistakes are never failure, just short cuts to advancement.
A really heavy weight can be great resistance for making your muscles work, break down, and get stronger. That same weight can cause serious injury if tried before the muscles are ready for it.
Or could seriously maim you such that the quality of your life is fundamentally reduced.
Sorry to be kind of negative, but I felt like it’s worth pointing out.
I think regret can be used by some people, but we also suppress our memory and rationalize for a reason. If we had to suddenly live without the latter, how would we fare?
I’ve always felt that Freddie could have gone a bit further with that idea. Maybe he did or he wanted us to. You’re right though. What doesn’t kill us can actually make us worse off than we were. You werren’t being negative - that’s being realistic and thinking out of the box.
I think that might depend on the individual person, fuse. Practice makes perfect. Suppression can lead to all kinds of mental & physical problems. I think that “detachment” works better than suppression. But P m P.