I’ve recently had some run-ins with strangers that made me feel very frustrated.
One happened at a book store a few weeks ago another happen this weekend at a movie theater, before the show had started. On both occasions I was apparently talking with my friends too loudly for some people’s tastes.
Sometimes getting what you want requires good conversations about touchy subjects. This is especially true when dealing with strangers. If you make a polite request then you are more likely to get a good response. If you make a rude request then you are likely to get a poor response.
I am getting tired of the times when people don’t demonstrate good manners in making a request.
If you want something from me then it helps to begin by showing me some respect. I have just as much value as a human being as you have. Don’t belittle me and then ask me for favors. That infuriates me.
This is just a good idea all around: don’t belittle anyone and then try to ask them for favors.
If you want something from someone then try talking to them as a peer and seek their agreement. If they decide to do along with you of their own free will than you form a much strong agreement then if you manage to force them into an agreement.
I want people to believe that I am a reasonable human being and approach me in that manner. If something I am doing offends you don’t let that mood rule you. Yes, realize that you dislike the situation, accept that you want to change it, decide on the change you want and THEN take the most effective action to reach your goal. Use your human brain, not just your lizard brain.
Yes, your lizard brain will tell you that you are unhappy with a situation then use that and all of your other powers to your best advantage. Rule the lizard brain, don’t be ruled by it.
Geez, Imp you really need to take something for that passion problem, You are in a rut.
Strangers see that you should know that you are offensive so they in turn get to be offensive. Its the time we live in, me first then maybe you. Boy did Dr. Spock screw up .
Okay, this is just playing devil’s advocate but Xanderman, couldn’t the person who confronted you have the same sort of perspective, as in “Why does that stranger think what they’re talking about is so important that we all need to hear? How rude!” I’m not saying that’s what happened or even that you were being that loud. I just think most of us, myself included, could probably stand to take a look at our own behavior and try to be mindful of it when we’re in public. You get people blabbering on their cell phones, people bringing kids into movies they have no business being at, etc. What happened to good manners? It really doesn’t take that much effort people. (I think that about decent customer service, too, but that’s a whole other lecture. )
I agree with you that entitlement is a big part of the problem of us working through our difficulties together.
I am not sure if guns would aid this problem.
I’d like to think that we could develop our respect for others and our methods of negotiating with each other using only with the powers we already have instead of relying on an additional technology for constant support.
I agree that it would be good of me to be mindful of my behavior when I am in public. Yet we all make mistakes. I don’t mind getting corrected when I am making a mistake. I do mind how that correction gets delivered.
What is the goal? Do you want to dominate me or do you want to get me to be more aware and careful? If you just want to dominate me then I will resist you. If you want me to have a greater awareness of the effects of my behavior, to consider the effects of my behavior and finally to change my behavior then I am more than happy to work with you.
I want people to negotiate with me out of a place of respect. I want to reach mutual accord.
The method of the correction matters a lot more to me than the correction. I also believe that the method matters to other people too.
I feel angry when I feel bullied. If my behavior has influenced you in a negative way then be all mean help me to become aware of that negative influence and give me a chance to correct it. But don’t escalate that negative influence. Don’t answer my negative influence with an even stronger negative influence. I want you to believe that working together we can create a solution to the problem that is fair and beneficial for both of us.
It is not me versus you, is is the two of us versus the problem. Make me your ally against the problem, don’t make me your opponent in a contest of willpower. That is my preference.
I hope that makes sense. and please let me know if it would help for me to explain it in another way.
xanderman,
Yes, what you’ve said does make sense and I agree. I think mutual respect is the best starting point for any type of dialogue at all.
I just wanted to point out that in addition to focusing on how others treat us, it’s also important to reflect on our own behavior. We are quick to find fault with how the other guy treats us, but not always as quick with the self-awareness. We don’t really have any control over anyone else’s behavior, only our own.
I didn’t mean to imply that in your situation you were the one in the wrong. I was just chiming in that it’s true we treat each other rudely a lot of the time, but the only real way that’s going to change is if people recognize that behavior in themselves/ourselves.
I think you did a good job of articulating why that type of behavior isn’t going to be successful, so maybe that will give some people motivation to be more aware of how they deal with conflict.
Something is missing here. Do I have to point out that the world revolves around ME? That is, and has always been, the perspective and the problem at the same time.
Expecting common courtesy and consideration is an ideal, but then what is ideal and what we perform…
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That is, and has always been, the perspective and the problem at the same time.