Recently I tried to re-ask myself who and what I am.
I decided that only a minority of myself is conscious, and a minority of that minority knows itself and controls itself a little bit. I am subconsciousness, a step or two away from a dream. All of the blaming and striving centers around a false reality of “me and them”. So I am left with appeasing and organizing these chunks of barely living barely sentient energy.
I think that people think that the choices they make have a bigger effect than they do. If everyone in the world decided to be nice to each other, we’d all still get sick and suffer and die.
Too much belief in one thing, too little in another. That is the typical human disease or problem.
Even though I try to be kind, I have also tried to prioritize myself over and above all the various crap and diversion in the “outside world”. I’ve been ego oriented. I measure as much as I can for my own self and others. Selfless living is different because it is made of a bunch of sub selves which cause appearances of a real self. Subconsciousness creates consciousness, but consciousness is only an appearance of a large system. Systemizers ego-ize reality and life. Part of thought and knowledge is often to systemize. But this whole thing has no feet or roots of consciousness in and of itself. It’s a little cloud of chaos.