Sex - Personal Moral Dillema

Alright Ladies and gents time to get personal perhaps someone can help me out.

Here’s my problem I’m 18 years old in good physical shape and I would say good looking not to sound conceited though, but I do find women/girls lusting over me I don’t think I’m dellusional on this point.

Heres the problem though I’m still a virgin and its absolutly driving me crazy. Sometimes the urge is absolutly insane where I think to heck with all morality and even sometimes ethics and just give me some damn sex!! But I always end up resisting and try really hard not to put myself in circumstances were I might not be able to overcome the temptations.

See heres my problem with sex. Outside morality, I’m actualy very lucky in this respect no moral code has ever been set upon me while growing up. I mean I come from a good family my father was religious (a Jehovas wittness, oy vey I know) but he died when i was 11 and has had no influence upon me in this respect, he didn’t make it to the age of that father son talk he promised me. My mother while growing up was telling me to go sleep with girls since I was like 14 and I’m constantly being told to go sleep around by like everyone I know, they don’t find anything wrong with it.

But I’ve always hoped and still hope to have only one partner and for me to be in love and or at least deeply care for them and vice versa when I actualy have sex. My problem is not god forbidding touching a woman before wedlock its that I agree with such a commandment. I see the wisdom in it. I want a really special exprience with someone I love and I don’t want sex ever to be somthing casual. I hate that expression casual sex. However I have lost all mystry of women do to porn. And I allready regret having ever seen porn.

I guess I should also mention my own weakness. I once went on a pity date with a girl that really liked me and we both got really high and I’ve never been high and alone with a girl before (non relation anyway) and I was horrified at how I acted and what we did. The whole thing was disgusting I felt absolutly nothing and thought what in the hell is all the fuss about this is what I was imagining for so long and uhh… Well thats because I had no feelings for the girl & was also high but the matrix quote haunts me “you’ve allready made the choice your here to find out why you made it”. I don’t know why I made that choice because it goes against my beliefs and the type of person I am or would like to think I am.

My question is do you think its worth it to save all sexual exprience for the one you love and exprience the ecstacy and bliss of it with them only because undoubtedly it will be more potent that way and hopefully will lead to a better long term sex life.

And one more problem is even though my sexual inclination is tremendous i truthfully don’t feel ready to be so intimate with someone. I guess you can say I’m scared of sex well everyone is scared of the unknown but I just don’t know what to do anymore.

And don’t anyone say masturbation because thats not an option for me, masturbation disgusts me and i have way to many issues and problems with that then even with sex.

So how about it? Did anyone regret their first time? If you didn’t exprience your first with someone you loved do you wish you had? Say do you wish you had waited for your current love if you are in sucha situation? Am I setting myself up for ultimate hurt?

i’m convinced! ILP is composed only of sexually fustrated young men! ONLY!

You’re a what?

Loose woman.

In reply to your question, i say definately wait. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 1year 4months and 7days and I honestly think sex is :slight_smile: with him because i really love him and trust him. I think it’s very important to be comfortable with a person and trust them. And and and, I reckon when you find the right person for you, they’ll probably hold the same kind of morals (probably the wrong choice of word, but i hope you know what i mean) as you and thus appreciate the fact you’ve waited for them.

I think if you are seeking advice it should probably come from a man, since women and men think differently about this subject. No offense to Tiggermoo intended.

You are at a point in life where you have a dichotomy of sorts, in the making. Society has all these religious and “moral” reasons for abstinance. But, at eighteen, you are full of testosterone. I think biology has made us this way since our number one job here on planet terra seems to be reproduction.

At eighteen, the likelihood of you meeting, let alone staying with, Miss Right is pretty low. If you are frustrated, and “have issues” with grabbing your pee pee…have you ever thought about going on an SSRI (antidepressent)? Many of these have, as aside effect, lessened libido. Although not generally thought to be an advantage to taking them, it might help you get though this time in your life. I am not trying to invalidate your concerns of doing the right thing, it’s just that the right thing has been the subject of much convolution over the centuries. I say go for it…you are only young and handsome once. And do not forget…you are a MAN!

If that doesn’t work, may I suggest a trip to Thailand. There are many eighteen year old girls that could help you in this department, and they are so nice, you might even fall in love with one.

Ultimately, pick out the most well balanced male you know, someone you respect, and emulate him…ask him questions about this. And quit being so hard (no pun here) on yourself. Life will do that for you, believe me. C’mon dude, you know what to do.

Good luck.

P.S. Porn does NOT take all the mystery out of women. There is nothing like being with a soft, smooth girl for real, with all the sensations, sounds and smells.

WARNING DO NOT GO TO THAILAND!!!

I know plenty of United States Marines and Sailors that have traveled there. And the consensus is that a good portion of the women there are really men! They are called Biddy Boys, maybe Marshall has heard about this. And to get away from male ego trips, you wouldn’t be able to tell! It is so bad over there that the women allow you, yes you heard it right, allow you to grab their genitals so that you can be sure! Yes, the girls are awesome, but just be sure. Also the STD rate per population is the highest on the globe (as told by a Navy Corpsmen, please verify on your own).

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Underground Man,

What’s up dude? hanging in there?

I agree, this advice should come from a man, because women are very into the emotional aspect and usually don’t comprehend why men make such an issue about it. Since you have been very honest with us, I’m going to do the same to you. Hopefully my sins become your salvation.

I’m 23 years of age, not ugly, but then again not the most handsome. What I lack in immediate sexual appeal, I utterly make up in personality and charm. I’m not conceited, but I am damn cocky! As a young teenager I was a nerd, skinny and very short with billions of huge zits/pimples and crooked teeth. On top of which I didn’t know how to dress. I lost my virginity at 16 to a girl I really didn’t like or was sexually attracted to, she practically raped me, and I felt nasty about it. She was fat, ugly and smelled. But I was high and drunk and didn’t give a damn.

Wow do I regret it.

As I started developing and working out, I got big into performing street magic in New York City. That is when my self-confidence shot through the roof. In some sort of retribution for the time I lost and all the ugly girls I was getting, I became a male whore. A slut. Anything that walked, seriously. But don’t get me wrong, I was a nice guy, and a hopeless romantic. Much in the same situation you were in. I was longing for the right girl, but horny as all hell. And man did I sin. Once I was in the physical shape and had the fashion sense to even slightly attract the top 5%, I was all up on it. Trying to impress friends and satisfy inner urges. I’ve been there done that man. Bi-sexuals, three somes, name it.

Unlike you I didn’t stop myself. I kept going and going until now I’m very tainted. I don’t regret my sexual experiences but at the same time, I would have loved to give my all of myself to my future wife. But at the same time, all that experience has given me the practice to know how to satisfy a woman. Something not all men do and what I pride myself in. Be it shallow, I don’t care.

Underground, listen to your heart man. On the real. Sex is over-rated. And everybody is going to give you different sets of advice depending on their age. Me? I’m a hornball. But nothing compares to making love. That first time, at least for me, is weird. You will definitely thank me if you lose it to someone you trust. If you get to that point that you know someone you love, well wait for the right moment. But if you can’t wait, at least someone you trust. You don’t want to feel like a jerk if you cum too quickly, or you can’t find the hole.

Don’t do it intoxicated for the first time either man.

In the end, you will get hurt. But you can’t worry too much dude. Have you seen the movie Along Came Polly? That movie has an excellent lesson for you man. You can’t worry too much. I’m talking out my ass because I worry a lot, but that is what people tell me. It is easier to give advice than to follow it, but now that I logically look at it, yeah ~ don’t worry too much.

You are ahead of the power curve man, you are asking. And remember, if you start a sexual relationship with a female friend that you trust, sooner or later it’ll grow into more.

I’ll give you an example. In my lifetime, no lie, I’ve been sexually involved with more than 25 women. The majority from three somes and one-night stands. But I’ve never been as intimate with anyone of them as I am with the last one. She is the only girl that I’ve been sexually involved with in the past two years. And we are so comfortable with each other. There isn’t anymore worrying of my performance, and since I’ve been in the gym I feel totally comfortable walking around naked in front of her. Yeah, when I was a young teen I used to be embarrassed of my erections, but with her I don’t care. That is the trust we have, and because I feel comfortable with her, and vice versa.

That is what you want. Hope my rambling on helped you in some way. I have no illusions man, I know I’m going to hell, and I’m lucky not to have AIDS or some messed up alien disease. You don’t want that man.

Take it easy, dude. I doubt very seriously if you are going to Hell. For what…being human? As for Thailand, it is fine if you do not have oral sex and wear a condom. The ladies are ladies. There are boys and they are often times, more beautiful than the real girls. They are called Ladyboys or Katoeys. Most are in their late teens or early twenties. Like their female Thai counterparts, they are very nice people, on the whole. Probably less than 5 percent have had the “surgery” (SRS), and will be the first to tell you they are boys. They have nothing to gain by lying except perhaps a black eye from an unappreciative, duped admirer. The US military men have made asses out of themselves and are generally not liked over there. In a country where almost everything is tolerated wth love, that speaks volumes about us. Most of the GI’s I’ve seen over there have been absolute jerks.

And as good as the plastic surgery is in Thailand, you can totally tell if it is a real girl or a cut down male. No disrespect intended, New York philosopher, but as you develop more relationships, you will realize that life is a series of good and not-as-good choices. You decide the values to assign to these experiences, no one else. You didn’t fuck up by sleeping around. You just slept around. If you sucked a guy, well so what. Over half of the population has bisexual thoughts…maybe more. You had the guts to try it. You probably learned about jealousy and sharing in the threeways. Quit being so hard on yourself, too! From the way you write you sound very intelligent…use these experiences to better your life and to help others, but do not be shamed. And, I think you are right on for your honesty. Thanks.

Ignore

Underground,

It sounds to me like there might be some underlying issues with your sexuality. Are you sure you really do want to have sex? I mean, you feel uncomfortable with masterbation - perhaps there is a deeper problem that you don’t realize.

Personally, my first sexual experience actually made all the rest extremely easier. Unfortunately, I was drunk and don’t even really remember what the girl looked like. But it made me feel much more comfortable in my next relationship, in which my girlfriend was more experienced with me. And I had an excellent time with her.

I do wish I could have waited - I tried. It was not until I was 17 that I gave in. I wanted to find a girl to be with for a few years, not as a one night stand. But I guess my hormones and booze got the best of me.

I would advocate sex with more than one person, though. How will you ever know if the girl of your dreams really is in the sack? It might sound a bit shallow, but you yourself seem to emphasize its importance. What if you and this girl really don’t have it together?

You find out a lot, and grow tremendously, when you are that intimate with a woman. You learn to not be embarassed, you learn about your inner desires, you open up and share at a level that seems almost impossible in a non-sexual relationship. You find out who you are through people, through discourse with others. Genuine introspection is difficult to imagine without the incite of others, given that they influence who you are and become.

Of course, finding the girl that makes you feel amazing without sex is probably the best option. I’m not sure, though, that everyone does. Time is short and you only have one life to live. As a good way to grow and find out who you are I think intimate relationshis are positive, but you can only do that if you are with women you can care about.

Bon chance.

ummm, I didn’t say that. I’ve never had any bi-sexual experience. What I meant to say is that I’ve dated a lot of bi-sexual women. I’ve never sucked a guy, let’s get that straight.

And yes Theoria you are right. Life is a group of choices. I forgot who said it, but the choices we make are the threads in which we weave our course in life.

Oh and about the military men, yeah … tell me about it. But what can you do. These are the same young boys and girls that represent the U.S. abroad, and the country let’s them run loose in Thailand. LOL, it’s crazy.

And about me being hard on myself. That’s the way I work. I demand excellence out of myself. If I allow mistakes, I might as well live a mediocore existence.

Take your time and fuck every one of them you can.

Smooth thanks a lot for sharing, your post helped me out a lot. I’v decided to wait it out until I find someone I really trust and hopefully be in love with. This is what makes us different from the animals right, making such crazy choices because of a higher spirtual depth, I won’t sucumb. I’ll also check out the movie you recomended. And afterall perhaps the choice is more rational then I give credit for.

Just a quick response to everyone else. Theoria you wrote,

Thats just it I won’t and will never have to be dissapointed or compare her to some better exprience that I would long for if she is sub par. If she is the girl of my dreams and the only one I exprience sex with and we are comfortable with each other then I’ll never know she isn’t in the sack and thats excellent because imagine if you meet the girl of your dreams and think she is, now that would be horrible.

Anyhow thank you all for your contributions I am very much at ease now and shall step one step above my carnal impulses.

Good choice man.

I just want to say that even if you haven’t had any previous sexual experience and won’t be able to compare her to anyone else, the thing about sex is that you will know if it is bad or good - no matter how many other experiences you have had, if any. There is, though, something about love that makes sex so much better - that is, I think, your greatest hope.

no problem Underground, you’ll be all right.

And for everybodies information, it is impossible for a woman to be bad in bed. Impossible, no way, no how. I mean come on. For a woman to be normal in bed, she just needs to be able to seem like she’s enjoying it, and able to open her legs wide enough. If these two requirements aren’t there, then she sucks. And trust me, women are good in faking it!

And Underground, what part of New York you from? I was raised in upper Manhattan, in a neighborhood called Washington Heights. I grew up on 174th St. and St. Nick, but then moved to 160th and Broadway two years before I joined the Marine Corps.

Smooth,

Really, you don’t think women can be bad in bed? In my experience (admittedly much less than yourself :wink: ) women can be bad. Things can be awkward, she can be silent (I like women to make noise!), she can be totally unenthusiastic, or she can never want to try anything new.

I didn’t mean to make you into an unwilling bisexual. There is an old saying when dealing with pooled or collective advice: “Take what you want and leave the rest.” And…there is some really good stuff here from the others. Good luck.

Theoria,

Yes, I forgot those. It is possible. Just highly improbable. I had a girlfriend who was just scared all the time. I couldn’t get proper penetration, and she was just tensed the whole time. I felt like I was raping her, it sucked. But that goes with seeming like she’s enjoying statement.

I had another girl that wanted to have sex all the time under bed sheets, with the light off, and her panties pulled to the side. What the f#^K? I mean come on, what is up with all this Secret Squirel stuff? That sucked too.

I had another girl that swore she was on stealth mode, I mean this female would just lay there. No sort of interaction whatsoever. I might have as well poked a hole in a pillow and it would have been the same thing. That really ~ really sucked.

And I don’t have that much experience. I’ve just been around. I’ve calmed down alot since my teenage years. Not that I’m old or anything, but I no longer sleep around anymore.

How could I have forgotten the girl that freakin’ farted during a moment of bliss. Man did that smell, and it had an incredible way of turning me off quite quickly. I wasn’t mad, it is nature and all. But wow, couldn’t she have… … I don’t know. Do something about it.