INT. LIBRARY
Searching for a vacant study room
Thomas- This one. ( man quickly walks inside beating Thomas to the door)
No wait how about this one. No occupied as well. Ahh here we have one.
Opens the door to an empty study room. He puts his backpack down and takes a seat.
Underneath the table a man lays sleeping.
Thomas- Now for the study materials. ( Takes out books but then notices a smell)
What on God’s grumbling gooey grandiose graveling gay earth is that?
Bum- Hey what’s going on up there?
Thomas- Why sir i didn’t know you were…
Bum- What’s a guy gotta do to get some sleep around here? ( Yawns and stretches)
Thomas- Well this is a library, which IS intended for studying and reading.
Bum- HA HA HA HA.
Thomas- What’s so funny?
Bum- I would tell you but it’s a secret. And then i’d have to ask you for money.
Thomas- Ok how much?
Bum- Well i run a corporate buisiness here. Very respectable around the libraries of America.
Thomas- (skeptical) Name one other library
Bum- The library of …Congress. Yeah they have monkey’s help there too. ( Scratches stomach)
Thomas- Forget it. Look i can give you some money, but i want you to leave ok?
Bum- What’s the matter? Never been with a Bum before?
Thomas- Of course i’ve been with a bum before…(noticing the awkwardness of this sentence) i mean i haven’t BEEN with a bum before but i have been in the company of Bums.
Bum- Ok which company sent you?! Was it the Lalalalafalalas? or the Weezemein’s? Or maybe the Glockmeingers? They are the worst.
Thomas- I’m not with any company…(takes in the absurd names)the what?
Bum- Oh they got you going under cover now do they? Tell you to never tell they did? Well i guess i’ll just have to send them a message. That no one messes with me and my corporation.
Thomas- Oh please. i just came here to study. I don’t want any trouble.
Bum- Nice cover story, but we’re past that now.
Thomas- We’re past what?!
Bum- The trivialities. The cordialities. And last but certainly not least the Frugalities.
Thomas- Ok ok here’s 50 go buy yourself a bed.
Bum- I’m worth hundreds.
Thomas- Oh yes i bet you are. Looking like you just came out of a plane crash.
Bum- Do i really?
Thomas- Yes?
Bum- i never really quite looked at myself that way. Thank you. Your insight is far more valuable than any amount of money…
Thomas- Really?
Bum- Do i have the word Idiot written across my forehead?
Thomas- Yes.
Bum- Ain’t again now.
Thomas- It’s “Not.”
Bum- Oh mister “i speak English.” Oooooh. Don’t hurt me with your words now English major.
Thomas- Hey look why don’t we just share the space eh?
Bum- Share the space! Share the space! Oh look at this old naive paddlestick thinking we can share the space!
Bum- This is my space, and me sharing it is whats wrong!
Thomas- I don’t see your name written on it.
Bum- Well then you haven’t looked closely enough now have you. Name written on space number 1 on the northwest wall. Name written on wall nuuuumber 2 on desk upper third where the black meets the brown. i can go on…
Thomas- No that’s plenty. I think i’ll just find another room then. ( starts to head out)
Bum- Where do you think you’re going?
Thomas- What is it now?
Bum- I’ve installed a highly elaborate security system…
Thomas- Now this is getting absurd! I’m going to leave now!
Bum- Ok. But don’t say i didn’t warn ya.
Thomas- There is no elaborate security system. (takes a step into the hallway)
See i told you. (WHIR WHIR WHIR)
Thomas(jumps back into the study room) - Oh my god! How the-
Bum- Now if only i had another couple hundred dollars to add to my 50 dollar dinner. (unzips a sports bag and is now dressed in a nice suit.)
Thomas- You’ve been playing me for a fool all along! You’re not homeless at all!
Bum- The 200 please, I don’t want to be late for my date. (looks at rolex watch)
Thomas- (looks stunned)
Fade out.